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Will my ex's rebound fail? should i hold on or move on?


Loveless86

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Loveless86

Okay i thought this might be a cathartic thing to do to get my feelings out so here goes. I was with my girlfriend for 18 months, shes 20 im 28 she used to constantly tell me that i was the only one for her that she loved me and wanted to get married and have children, she used to write poetry about us and i believed that she genuinely was in love and so was i.

Last september she went to university 150 miles away we were determined that this wouldnt beat us and we could make it work, i used to travel and book us hotel rooms so we could be together she was my world i used to tell her often i thought she was the one, she told me the same. We didnt keep in contact quite as much as we could have but i remained faithful to her and i believe she did the same.

One time when i traveled to see her we had an argument and she ended up walking out of the hotel room and leaving me, i said i wasnt happy traveling all that way buying us a room for her to just walk out. She said she wanted to end the relationship, i was devestated.

She was due to come back to our home town during the easter holidays, i asked if we could meet to break up properly, when we met we were hugging and kissing she told me she needed me in her life, i thought we were getting back together. Then her birthday arrived, i bought her a card and some chocolates ( we werent officially together at this point) i didnt book the night off work for her night out because we werent together plus i never got invited. She then got upset and told me it was over for good, i begged with her i told her that we didnt have to do this but she seemed determined it was over.

A week later she messaged me asking how my new job was going and if i was ok, i told her it was going fine and than i was okay, we messaged a bit more then i asked if she wanted to meet, she said no because it would stir up old feelings. Two weeks after that she decided to phone me and tell me shes seeing someone else, my heart sank i was heart broken, i said youve just got to do what makes you happy thats all that matters. i later found out she met him on her birthday night out, hes from our home town so shes entered into a long term rebound. Its been a week since she phoned and ive heard nothing. Will this last? will she come back or is it over for good? I cant concentrate on my new job i love her so much, ive been to the doctors for tablets and thought about ending my life to make the pain go away. i dont feel like i could trust a girl again dont know how to move on. any thoughts would be appreciated

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TrevorDia

If it makes you feel any better, we are all here because we have all lost something similar to you.

 

But we're all surviving. I'm not going to say it's easy to move on, but at the end of the day, that's the best thing to do.

 

Why wait around for someone like that when you can get on with your life? Don't accept yourself as some kind of option for her if she chooses to come back, you're better than that.

 

She's an ex for a reason, right? And it doesn't matter how she came to be an ex, she's only going to end up anchoring you to the past.

 

You'll come back from this, you're going to be fine :)

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Loveless86

Thanks those are some good words, its things i need to hear. its difficult to come to terms with how fast its all happened its gone from her saying she needs me in her life to her being in a relationship with someone else. i cant get my head round it

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elaine567

She's 20, she went away to university and she experienced a different life, a life without you in it, she broke up with you, she wanted to be friends only, and now she has another bf.

 

I guess she is NOT coming back to you. She wants to go and experience life at the moment, this new relationship may be a rebound but even if it is, she will be in no rush to come back to you afterwards

 

You WILL heal, you will have more relationships and you WILL find a woman you can settle down with.

 

20 year old university students are not good "kids and marriage" material, they may be in 8-10 years time, but by then you will be 38.

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Loveless86

Not what i wanted to hear but i guess thats the harsh reality of the situation. its killing me at the moment, i hope this feeling goes soon :(

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Loveless86

My ex broke up with me, on the same night she met the guy who was to be her new bf. She phoned me up to tell me 3 weeks later im devastated. its taking over my life. How can i forget her? She used to tell me she didnt want anyone else and she loved me and we were getting married. I dont know how to cope.

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stillafool

She more than likely already had this guy lined up before you two broke up. I'm sorry you are hurting. Go complete NC on her arse.

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Loveless86

Not spoke to her since last saturday when she phoned me up to tell me shes seeing someone else, she sounded like she was getting upset down the phone, i just said as long as youre happy thats all that matters. I felt like begging to get her back but i never, and not spoke since. i thought the pain would be gone by now :(

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mammasita

Well first of all, lesson learned on answering any calls from an ex. Block her.

 

I can tell you that nobody who has any sense would ever call an ex to tell them they're with someone new. Who does that?

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Loveless86

i asked her at the time why she was telling me she said " i think its better you hearing it from me than from someone else".

 

I bet she loved rubbing it in really

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fireflywy

I'm sorry guy but she is out experiencing a whole new world in college and unfortunately the excitement and variety of that world is a vast departure from the path you hoped she would walk with you. She is 20 and this road she's on will last at least 5 years with no or very very little hope that you'll be the person she's with at the end.

 

You are going to have to move on. You are 28 and there is an exciting world waiting for you as well.

 

And don't you DARE think about suicide. This is just a hardship and it hasn't come to stay. It has come to pass. I know it sounds crazy, and the pain hurts, but everyday I watch a video on you tube called "Hard Times: Motivation" which empowers me to blast through the pain of my own recent relationship outing and life struggles. Watch it and the associated videos. Don't let this TEMPORARY track destroy you. It isn't worth it.

 

Something wonderful is coming for you. I know it.

Edited by fireflywy
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Loveless86

Thanks ill have look at those videos.

 

I think the hardest thing to stomach is all the times she'd say

 

"i love you"

 

"i dont want anyone else"

 

and all the talk of marriage and kids, i thought she was genuine. Then in no time at all shes with this other guy WTF! It doesn't make sense, then i picture them 2 together and it drives me crazy, she phoned me up to tell me about this other guy and its all ive been able to think about since. i know i wont do anything stupid but ive not had suicidal thoughts since i was a teenager, suicide seemed like a solution to this torture but i know im not that stupid.

 

Thanks again

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Now you know how important NC is in protecting yourself. Block her number and you won't pick up her calls every again...

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Loveless86

Yes i wish i hadnt answered her, i think i was hopeing she was gonna want me back lol. Anyway the damage is done now, i have to concentrate on all the times she pissed me off

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It's hard to block someone when you're still hoping to reconcile.... but it's the best way to keep yourself from this kind of unnecessary pain.

 

Think of it this way -- even if you block her online and on your phone, that won't stop her from finding a way to reach you to reconcile if she ever changes her mind.

 

:)

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Loveless86

ive deleted her number and taken her off facebook. so either i message her on facebook ( which i wont do ) or she contacts me. im sick of this hurt, i did everything i could for her and this is how she treats me.

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Count yourself lucky dude, and be happy. Let me tell you a true story. My ex got a new guy in three weeks too, and she didn't bother to even tell me until the next week, that she already had sex with this new guy she knew for only one week.

 

Pat yourself on the back and run my friend, your situation is not the worst.

 

Edit: She didn't tell me it. I found that out myself, and she denied it for ten minutes straight.

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Expect to hear from her if that new relationship fails. Calling you to tell you that is just heartless though, as if you aren't hurting enough from the breakup, she has to twist the knife even more.

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Loveless86

Wow that sucks too, its strange how she would deny it, was she wanting to see you and this new guy at the same time or was she ashamed? My ex had no shame she seemed proud of herself and i bet she loved telling me.

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RoseHeart

Omg what is it with these 3 week milestones and ex's getting new partners...

same thing happened to me and have read a few similar posts about it 0_o

 

Instead of being down about it see it as the final push you needed to motivate you for moving on with your life. She has moved on so now it's just you who needs to do it. I know easier said than done but you can do it just like the rest of us. Start with deleting her number then work your way from there to remove any possible reminders that could hinder the healing on process. That includes pictures and social media accounts. Unfriend her asap.

 

Every time you feel you miss her just remember she was willing to give up on you despite knowing how amazing you are. That little back to reality reminder can help you snap out of it quite quickly. Always be harsh with yourself and do not cling onto any hope.

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I think it's a mix of both. I could sense fear and shame when she admitted that she is in a new relationship. And on the other hand she was showing off her new boyfriend to her close friends, saying how he is so tall and strong, ambitious and all those kind of stuff.

 

Also to add to the story, after she admitted the new relationship, she also admitted that she had sex with this guy who sticks around the whole time who I told her to stay away from, on the day we broke up. She said that they only did it once, but I doubt that.

 

If I'm able to cope, I'm sure you can do better. :)

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Loveless86

Those were some wise words roseheart thank you. Ive deleted her number and her facebook plus ive got rid of everything to do with us to stop me thinking about her. I need to think about the times we argued and the times she annoyed me. Then ill soon realise im better off im just letting my heart rule my head at the moment, i need to turn that around.

 

Twiggy that sounds bad funnily enough when my ex phoned me to tell me she was seeing someone else she had to let me know how nice and supportive he was towards her and her struggling with university ( like i wasnt ). Good luck to them i just need to try and forget about her

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Loveless86

ps i doubt shes had sex with this new guy, she was never a very sexual person i could maybe count on my fingures the amount of times we had sex.

 

Theres a negative i can focus on :D

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Itspointless

Well, I think it is good of her that she told you herself. My first girlfriend (ages ago :laugh:) left me in the dark, while going on a break with me. You are now in some special kind of hell, but in a way your ex at least was brave enough to tell you that she is a sl*t or that type of girl who finds it impossible to be alone.

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Loveless86

Its all happened far too quick which is the hardest thing to swallow, she clearly didnt care for me as much as she said. Maybe it was good of her to tell me but id rather not know and im guessing she kind of enjoyed rubbing it in.

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