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Setback 6 months in need support and advice


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It has been over 6 months since my exgf broke up with me. Last time I tried to see if she would meet up with me in the middle of February, she ignored my text for a week before telling me that she was busy and didn't feel like going out. Before that, she contacted me in the middle of January and asked me if I wanted to go out for wings with her. We met up a few days after for a little bit. Nothing really happened. We caught up a bit. When I dropped her off, she hugged me, then I told her that I don't think we should talk for a while because I still have feelings for her, so I can't just be her friend. Immediately after that, I felt terrible for a few days because I felt like I was blowing her off when she might have been starting to come back, so I called her to talk. Nothing else has happened since then, so I am about 2 and a half months in of NC.

 

I recently finished my second year of university. I did great in the first term even though she dumped me in the beginning of it. I ran out of steam for the second term, but I still did fairly well. I also started going to the gym in January, and I have been pretty consistent with continuing to go. I have been on break for a bit over a week now, and I will be starting a new job on Monday that is related to my field of study. I have had a lot of time on my hands since I finished school, and since then, thoughts of my ex and our past have come into my mind and agitated me a lot especially right now as I can't sleep. I was really close to her family. I considered her family as mine too. I don't think it was true the other way around though. I miss her family. I miss the way things used to be. I miss how good she would be to me sometimes. I don't miss the things I should not have ignored while I was with her. I am glad that I have been able to make it 6 months through this and still feel like I am still doing well in all other parts of my life. I am pretty shy as a person, but I have made new friends, gotten closer to my old ones, but I haven't really met many other women. I don't know why I miss her so much now to the point where I can't sleep. I hope it is just one of those slumps that will pass. For the past few days, I have been thinking about trying to talk to her and see how she is doing, but I am scared out of my mind of who she may be now. I guess that may be what is keeping me up since I really want to talk to her, but I know that may destroy me.

 

I feel ashamed at myself for falling into this slump. I wanted to relax for a week after exams and before I start my new job. Now all I can think about is talking to her, how things used to be, and missing the past.

 

I am glad that I do not feel as low as some other times that I have had in the past 6 months, but I still feel pretty awful right now. I am scared that I will break NC and try to talk to her. Please I would just like any advice and support that anyone can give. Thank you for taking the time to read what i wrote.

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DJOkawari

I'm going through something similar now - 6 months for me as well.

 

I don't really think it is about meeting someone new. It's about dealing with your issues. It's more than just losing a someone you loved. You get what I mean. If you find someone new, you'll just carry that with you - it may work, it may not but don't you want to give it your best shot?

 

Maybe try to get back into a rhythm with the gym again. It is much easier to fall asleep when you're exhausted. I've always meditated but recently, I started focusing a lot more on having a particular schedule with it and I'm feeling much more collected. The logic and clarity you have at times just disappears sometimes, right? Meditation has helped me in that regard.

 

On top of those things, don't you have other things you'd like to work on? Make a schedule and get busy. Make sure you meet all of your goals in that schedule. When you can look back and say..we'll I'm so much happier with me now than I was 6 months ago, you start to believe the break up was a good thing. It was just the kick in the pants you needed to progress.

 

It's really up to you. It isn't about the girl at all. Frankly, no matter what the girls we knew 6+ months ago are gone. The two of us from 6+ months ago are gone too. That's really the beauty of it all.

 

I wouldn't recommend breaking NC and talking to her. There is nothing there for you. This may just be a slump but the fact it is hitting you so hard now may be a sign that you weren't dealing with issues you had in the months prior. It's okay, though, like I said I'm in the same boat. Mornings are the hardest for me. Good luck, man.

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Mr Scorpio

No breaking NC. In fact, it may be best to convince yourself that she has already moved onto a new relationship. Even if she hasn't, you'll be steeling yourself for that inevitable day when a facebook photo or mutual acquaintance notifies you that, yeah, she's with somebody else.

 

Beyond that, get back into the gym as was suggested. Keep busy. Spend time with friends and family. Read a book. Watch a movie. Binge a TV series. Learn a new recipe. Get a new haircut. Train for a marathon. Plenty to do out there, you just have to seize it.

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