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I just feel...ashamed


Shetland

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For taking this breakup so hard.

 

As a guy I expect myself to be emotionally stable and independent, and I always have been. Now I'm just ashamed at how much this breakup has affected me.

 

When she first left me and jumped into another relationship, I thought it was a reflection of her emotional instability and immaturity.

 

Now, I feel maybe I was the immature or insecure one. If I'm still reeling from a 9 month relationship, doesn't it speak to my lack of character?

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There is nothing to be ashamed about. You have feelings. You are human. It's OK. It does not detract from your masculinity.

 

Take some deep breaths. Let yourself grieve the loss of the relationship. In time you will be ready to move forward.

 

Hang in there.

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Itspointless
For taking this breakup so hard.

 

As a guy I expect myself to be emotionally stable and independent, and I always have been. Now I'm just ashamed at how much this breakup has affected me.

 

When she first left me and jumped into another relationship, I thought it was a reflection of her emotional instability and immaturity.

 

Now, I feel maybe I was the immature or insecure one. If I'm still reeling from a 9 month relationship, doesn't it speak to my lack of character?

Nah man, this being ashamed unfortunately only is the effect of socialization (the wrong kind). Man have feelings too you know. You still are attached, be kind to yourself. Let me tell you, emotions are good, feel your grief, cry and learn from it without denying your feelings.

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When I first came here in '09, I felt the same way. I was a recluse to the world,drank too much/drugs,was a "lil' bitch",ect..Once I faced the fact that I wasn't a "lil' bitch", I started hitting the gym,hanging with friends and making as much money as possible...She was nothing in the grand scheme of things,after all, just another person in the world. Her pedestal crumbled and I thrived..You will too,Trust! ;)

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Thanks guys,

 

I really wish there was some sort of visual way to see how I have progressed.

 

I still think about her every day, especially when im alone in my thoughts. I'm not sure if that's normal. The rationale side of me is tired of thinking about her, but shes still in my head every damn time. Is there anyway to tell if I'm doing better?

 

Honestly, I hate how she is always on mind and I dont want to end up in some mental asylum because of this.

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Thanks guys,

 

I really wish there was some sort of visual way to see how I have progressed.

 

I still think about her every day, especially when im alone in my thoughts. I'm not sure if that's normal. The rationale side of me is tired of thinking about her, but shes still in my head every damn time. Is there anyway to tell if I'm doing better?

 

Honestly, I hate how she is always on mind and I dont want to end up in some mental asylum because of this.

 

Thinking of your ex is 100% normal and i think it is positive that you do so. It is ok and normal to feel sad, but in time things will get better. I still think about my ex daily but the thoughts arent like they used to be. I still feel sad, but a different kind of sad.

 

Good luck to you, everything will be ok!

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When a relationship is terminated, you're going to hurt unless:

 

1. You were never emotionally invested, which means you never really cared to begin with, or

 

2. You remained in a toxic relationship too long, to the point that you despised the person.

 

I'd say you were emotionally invested and loved your partner, that's why you are still hurting. Unfortunately, there's no magic pill or action that takes the pain away, but time and distance will help. Hang in there!

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When a relationship is terminated, you're going to hurt unless:

 

1. You were never emotionally invested, which means you never really cared to begin with, or

 

2. You remained in a toxic relationship too long, to the point that you despised the person.

 

I'd say you were emotionally invested and loved your partner, that's why you are still hurting. Unfortunately, there's no magic pill or action that takes the pain away, but time and distance will help. Hang in there!

 

This is actually REALLY helpful for me. In the past, when I'd break things off with a guy, I always felt relieved and I wasn't hurting at all. It wasn't until I read this post that I realized I was never emotionally invested in these previous relationships and that's why I was never upset when these relationships ended.

 

This time, I was the one who was dumped and it still hurts. I realize now that I was emotionally invested with him and I did love him even though I struggled with saying those words.

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When a relationship is terminated, you're going to hurt unless:

 

1. You were never emotionally invested, which means you never really cared to begin with, or

 

2. You remained in a toxic relationship too long, to the point that you despised the person.

 

 

3. You've gotten really good at suppressing your feelings.

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ManyDissapoint
This is actually REALLY helpful for me. In the past, when I'd break things off with a guy, I always felt relieved and I wasn't hurting at all. It wasn't until I read this post that I realized I was never emotionally invested in these previous relationships and that's why I was never upset when these relationships ended.

 

This time, I was the one who was dumped and it still hurts. I realize now that I was emotionally invested with him and I did love him even though I struggled with saying those words.

 

Emotional investment is not binary--on or off, it's more like a scale with different degrees. Being the dumpee rather than the dumper will amplify your pain depending on your degree of emotional investment.

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There's nothing wrong with you feeling the way that you do. She made an impact on your life. You cared for her, deeply it seems.

 

It's been three months since my ex boyfriend left me. We were together for 7 years and 4 months. I still occasionally see him at the gym or text him banal things. I am more or less "over" the break up but I still miss him. Think about him. I still love him and always will. I care about him.

 

The first month was absolutely torture. Not going to lie. I cried every day for maybe two weeks straight? It was hell. But I got through it. You will get through it too. It helped me to not be alone as much as possible. Be with friends. Be with family. Talk to them. Cry to them. It helps so much. And eventually, in time, you will feel better. You won't forget her but eventually you won't hurt as much. It may take more or less time for you than others but it gets better.

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Thanks Guys,

 

I've been feeling better recently. Been hanging with friends everyday, and I barely have the urge to talk about the break-up. Exercise helps. Hobbies help.

 

I've been trying to work up the courage to make some small talk with strangers everyday. Guy or girl. Compliment a shirt or ask for the time. Just little things for now.

 

I think about her everyday still, but it does seem to hurt less.

 

Sometimes, I get frustrated and befuddled as to how someone can sever such a close relationship. But I wasn't perfect and I still have some growing up left to do.

 

Hope everyone is seeing progress.

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