nick'spizza Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Why, why, WHY DO I STILL FEEL LIKE THIS?! After my decade long relationship with my ex boyfriend ended, (the last two years were like living in a pure hell of lies, betrayal, gaslighting, cheating and emotional abuse) I have truly accepted that the person I fell so madly in love with as a teenage girl is completely gone. I know he's in a dark place that I absolutely want no part of. I've been in no contact with him for 6 months, and by all accounts have moved on. (I'm back in school pursuing my passions, spending more time with friends, and have even met a wonderful man whom I love and who loves me) So why do I still have this dull ache? This lingering feeling that I'll never love someone AS MUCH as I loved my ex? My ex. The ******* who cheated on me. The guy who told vicious lies about me behind my back.The alcoholic who tore me down until I believed I was the ugliest, most unlovable creature that ever existed.. The one who acted like he was doing ME a favor just by staying in my life... Yeah, that guy. I was madly, deeply, DESPERATELY in love with that guy. From start to finish. Now that I've fallen in love again for the first time since my previous butt of a relationship, it's so great, but so bittersweet... He's a wonderful guy and I feel so lucky to have him. Sweet, funny, passionate...someone who makes me feel special and beautiful everyday. I should be falling in desperate and deep, right? Well, all I can say is I desperately WANT to fall deeply in love with him :/ Although I love him a little more everyday, it always feels like an internal struggle to determine whats real love or just the rush of something new. I feel stupid and damaged. I never thought I'd be one of those 'dumb' girls who can love a complete idiot and when someone great comes along, they blow it because...I dont know...because masochisim? I don't know what to do to truly open up emotionally with this guy! It's like there's a block in the way and I can't budge it. Help, I want to get over this damage from my past and not lose this great thing in my present! Edited April 24, 2015 by nick'spizza Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 the past is the issue.......unresolved trauma maybe......you have to let it go...not immaculately suddenly forget btu let it go enough so it doesnt affect your relationship that is now......i often feel when you get treated badly you dont really understand being treated normally...and honestly a guy treating woman with respect dignity and making her feel beautiful is not abnormal or extraordinary ...should be considered the norm...what we should be treated like.....what becomes special is the relationship and bond you form together.,.... you have a good guy...may we all find one..its a real big step into maturity fo thought when you realize exactly what you hav eand you seek that goodness.......however you are overwhelmed not used to it......so...just get used to it....stop second guessing everything including yourself and enjoy the times and special moments you build together...dont live in the past...theres nothing useful there for you .....grow from your past...do not grow in it.....your past is part of you but doesnt define your future only you can do that...best wishes....deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Why would you ever want to love anyone the same? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Carson Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Just make sure your feelings about your ex are not because that's the kind of love you feel you deserve. Some people feel they can only be loved by a bad person. Do not be one of them. You deserve a good man that treats you with love and respect...dig deep into your feelings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jalapeno86 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Yeah everyone's right. You are strong for letting go of your ex. Those emotions that pop up are normal. Ever since my ex, any girl I talk to I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with, because I was so used to doing that with my ex. But, don't worry. It will go away. If this new guy is a good guy, just take your time, fall in love slowly, over time, these past feelings will go away, and only your new guy will remain on the trigger of your emotions since the ex's past memory will grow faint. Just more time with the new one, new memories. New connections. 'Till it seems like the only memories you have are of your new bf, and if memories ever pop up of the old one, there definitely aren't feelings of obsessions, remorse, guilt, hatred, even focus/ determination anymore. It will feel like you're looking at anyone else from your past, except you knew at one point they really had you tied up in their web of lies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
backandforth Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 This is something I struggle with daily. I'm dating and having sex with a lot of great girls - girls I would have loved to have tried relationships with before my break up, funny, smart, pretty, cool. But I can't dredge up any feelings for them at all. I'm being straight-up with them, telling them I'm only interested in a FWB type of relationship, and they all seem to be cool with that. But I'd love to feel half of what I did for my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 It takes a while to get over, but with time you'll be okay. I had a horrible break up many years ago and thought I'd never love again. I missed him so much, but I moved on and found better. Be patient with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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