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Ever felt like a loser after a break up?


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Ever felt like your not good enough or a loser after you get dumped? After it pretty much happened to me it completely erased my confidence. Months later from then I still feel like I don't have what it takes to keep an ongoing relationship. Can anyone else relate or ever been there before and how did you get out of it?

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Ever felt like your not good enough or a loser after you get dumped? After it pretty much happened to me it completely erased my confidence. Months later from then I still feel like I don't have what it takes to keep an ongoing relationship. Can anyone else relate or ever been there before and how did you get out of it?

 

Oh my friend, don't even get me started lol

I'm still beating myself up over my break-up. Although I feel much better today, i'm still hurting. I've called myself ever name in the book and then some. I'm still trying to forgive myself for causing my break-up its tough, I know...

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Taking into account that she was my first, we lasted for about half year and before me she had two relationships that lasted about 1 and 2 years, yes, I feel like I was the one guilty for lack of experience. Used to see her as a semi-goddess, like my first woman (and I've been with countless GIRLS before), and I felt incredibly small when I was by her side. Now I feel like I'm unable to pick up a different one again. Almost 4 months since BU. ****.

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Absolutely. Especially considering that she left me because (1) she wanted to buy a house and get married and start a family and (2) I wanted to stay up until 3am playing Halo.

 

In the end I focused on the fact that we were different people with different goals at different stages of our different lives. "Loser" is subjective within certain limits of reasonable. That, and I also became a bit more career oriented and active exercise wise.

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Many times. But because I didn't cheat and have a jump off like the dumper.

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Heck yeahhhh.

 

The bright side is I've felt like this and it got better in the past, so I can only presume it will get better eventually this time too? I say this with a question mark because I wonder sometimes. When you're in the trenches and feeling extremely low self-esteem-wise, and yes, breakups can do a number on your self-esteem, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I think breakups break you to make you though, as a bottom line.

 

When you're lower than low, the only way to go is up... so cliche I know, but it is true...

 

When I was getting over my college bf (first love) a while back, my uncle was like 'you gotta accept the good with the bad.' It's true.

 

The bright side of being broken up with by a first love, is you realize you can get through anything. If you've gotten through it once, you can get through something similar.

 

As for the self-esteem thing though, yes, it has a major impact. However, you will eventually be stronger for it.

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Eff yes, I think everyone goes through that at some point. I learned to make myself find positive things about myself, and it really helps. Time is your friend here too, those feelings will fade. You'll come to realize that your ex wasn't the perfect creature you're making them out to be, so you won't feel so badly for them dumping you.

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Don't even get me started. We met young and lasted 3.5 years. We were incredibly compatible and things were picture perfect. We were obnoxiously proud of it. I was the girl of everyone I knew (mind you, I'm still fairly young and in college so long term serious relationships aren't common) who had the PERFECT life, as far as relationships go. We were so stupidly proud of ourselves. It was ridiculous.

 

Then he dumped me, very recently. It's a long story. But now I feel like a failure. Facing family, friends, and acquaintances after thinking so highly of me and the ex is torture. Now I feel like a complete "loser". Also having had such an amazing relationship only for it to fail makes me feel worse. Like I can't do anything right and always screw up somehow. Like Mr. Scorpio said, "loser" is completely subjective. And I have to force myself to believe that my insecurity is all in my head.

 

Hold onto the things that are both objectively and subjectively good about you. Whatever that is. I can only offer myself as example: I'm intelligent, have an excellent academic career, am generically attractive, am funny and silly, sound in my own morals/political views, have good friends, have a family who loves me, am creative, emotionally strong, I have nice hair, etc. Even if it's small or petty, it doesn't matter.

 

If your self esteem still struggles talk about it with family and friends. Chances are they don't think ill of you at all, if they truly love and care about you. Post online. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and that you know you're good at. That always helps.

 

If you're at rock bottom, it can only get up from here. Keep on, keep strong, and try to tune out the self-depricating thoughts to the best of your ability.

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It's a normal feeling. Because we are human beings and it's part of a self-reflection in life. But please do not dwell on this stage for too long, eventually you still have to move on to bigger things in your life.

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  • 2 months later...
ColdandLonelyinAK

I did, especially when I found out he was talking to someone new not even a week later.

 

What did I do about it? I started to improve myself. I've been working out five days a week and have lost 12 lbs so far. I go out more with friends. I enrolled in college to finish my degree. I try to love more and just be happy.

 

That's how you get over that feeling. Some days are struggle but if you're trying, you know you're doing better than before. :)

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I was dumped for another guy, I have never felt so worthless in my entire life my confidence has been shot, I spend hours in the mirror looking at my faults, the crazy thing is i am a good looking guy, i cant wait to leave this nightmare never fealt so sht in all my life.........

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Rejection, of any form, will give yuou that feeling... didn't get the job/contract=loser. Didn't pick up the 2am barfly=loser..Then I look at myself,my surroundings, my life,ect..and know I'm not and continue to be myself. Their loss! :cool:

 

btw: I always get the 2am barfly! :D

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Unlucky_I_Guess

Yeah, I think almost everyone gets those feelings after a breakup. You're a loser, you'll never find someone like them again, it was all my fault, etc.

 

After a while though you start to realize that yes, you might've made some mistakes in the relationship but if it was a good one they could've been worked out. You also realize they had just as many issues as you, if not more.

 

If you learn from this experience, then you know you're not a loser.

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Yep. Especially when she moved on so quickly. Now, five months out, I'm starting to reach indifference. Sure she has someone else, sure he may be younger, flashier, make more money, but I treated her well. She may not EVER think of that or remember that. Hell, he may treat her better then I did, but I know that if he does, and she's happy, that I set a damn high standard. :D

 

So, now, I don't feel quite as bad as I did before and I am CERTAINLY growing from all of this which will make me even BETTER should I draw a lucky number again.

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