thorin Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I just wonder - does anyone feel guilty about going NC, instead of being friends after a break up? If a girl didn't do anything wrong, just sincerely told me she doesn't feel the same to me as I do to her, and I suddenly went full NC after we've been meeting everyday. She even told me I'm selfish, after saying she understands it, but still. I know I should continue no contact, and I'm not going to break it, I just feel kind of guily about it lately. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I just wonder - does anyone feel guilty about going NC, instead of being friends after a break up? If a girl didn't do anything wrong, just sincerely told me she doesn't feel the same to me as I do to her, and I suddenly went full NC after we've been meeting everyday. She even told me I'm selfish, after saying she understands it, but still. I know I should continue no contact, and I'm not going to break it, I just feel kind of guily about it lately. My ex no longer felt the same either, I don't feel guilty no...I went NC because it's whats best for me. I could never be friends with her so NC is my only other option. You shouldn't feel guilty, maybe you can be friends down the line but not right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I just wonder - *does anyone feel guilty about going NC, instead of being friends after a break up? If a girl didn't do anything wrong, just sincerely told me she doesn't feel the same to me as I do to her, and I suddenly went full NC after we've been meeting everyday. She even told me I'm selfish, after saying she understands it, but still. I know I should continue no contact, and I'm not going to break it, I just feel kind of guily about it lately. *No. I only feel guilty if I do something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 NC is not a tool to hurt your ex. It is to help yourself get over the ex and move on. That could eventually lead to friendship but not when one person has more feelings than the other one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I feel bad for not chasing. So yes, going NC so quickly was stupid of me. Which is part of the reason I'm still living in guilt. I should of showed her how much I loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Think about it this way.. she broke up with you because she thought it was what is best for her. Sure, if it were up to her, she might like to have you as her friend. but now that you are broken up, you need to do what's best for you. What's best for most people after a breakup is NC. It's your turn to be selfish. If you believed you could handle friendship with her, then go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Think about it this way.. she broke up with you because she thought it was what is best for her. Sure, if it were up to her, she might like to have you as her friend. but now that you are broken up, you need to do what's best for you. What's best for most people after a breakup is NC. It's your turn to be selfish. If you believed you could handle friendship with her, then go for it. Hell no. If she's not my girl she can die in an accident for all I care. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Hell no. If she's not my girl she can die in an accident for all I care. Tad too far? Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Tad too far? Not really Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I feel bad for not chasing. So yes, going NC so quickly was stupid of me. Which is part of the reason I'm still living in guilt. I should of showed her how much I loved her. I did the chasing and begging, it just pushed her further away. She even said it with her own words "you're only making it worse right now" I feel bad for chasing. I think it pushed her away so far the she might be afraid of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I did the chasing and begging, it just pushed her further away. She even said it with her own words "you're only making it worse right now" I feel bad for chasing. I think it pushed her away so far the she might be afraid of me. Well there's a difference between showing you love em and begging and pleading. I mean I should of sent her flowers or something... Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Think about it this way.. she broke up with you because she thought it was what is best for her. Sure, if it were up to her, she might like to have you as her friend. but now that you are broken up, you need to do what's best for you. What's best for most people after a breakup is NC. It's your turn to be selfish. If you believed you could handle friendship with her, then go for it. Exactly. If NC is selfish, so was her decision to break up. Personally, I intend to stay NC until I can be around my STBX without having any feelings. That may be tomorrow or it may be fifty years. Either way, no guilt. She left. She's the one who should feel guilty, if anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Well there's a difference between showing you love em and begging and pleading. I mean I should of sent her flowers or something... I did send her flowers also. Expensive flowers with chocolate to her work. The day after she blocked me on social media. Complete opposite reaction then what i was expecting.. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I did send her flowers also. Expensive flowers with chocolate to her work. The day after she blocked me on social media. Complete opposite reaction then what i was expecting.. Damn, never mind then lol I guess NC is the way to go Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Damn, never mind then lol I guess NC is the way to go Nothing worse then feeling completely helpless and hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Nothing worse then feeling completely helpless and hopeless. I feel like that everyday of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well there's a difference between showing you love em and begging and pleading. I mean I should of sent her flowers or something... No. No flowers. No nothing! When an ex I broke up with sent me flowers and continued contacting me after I ended it, it annoyed me. It also made me lose respect for him. You're far better off doing what you did (NC). If you had done what you are feeling guilty of you would be feeling much worse right now I bet. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 No. No flowers. No nothing! When an ex I broke up with sent me flowers and continued contacting me after I ended it, it annoyed me. It also made me lose respect for him. You're far better off doing what you did (NC). If you had done what you are feeling guilty of you would be feeling much worse right now I bet. *sigh* At least I would of went down swinging Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 *sigh* At least I would of went down swinging I'm sorry. I know it hurts. But you'll only cause more damage to yourself if you pursue her when she doesn't want that. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I just wonder - does anyone feel guilty about going NC, instead of being friends after a break up? If a girl didn't do anything wrong, just sincerely told me she doesn't feel the same to me as I do to her, and I suddenly went full NC after we've been meeting everyday. She even told me I'm selfish, after saying she understands it, but still. I know I should continue no contact, and I'm not going to break it, I just feel kind of guily about it lately. Its never going to feel nice to not talk to someone you loved or cared about that you used to share everything with. Its not a natural feeling to go cold. The only thing is, it really hurts more to be friendly and pretend you aren't affected or sad and not care as the other is literally using your friendship to move on without guilt. If you stay friends, the person who dumped you feels better about themselves as they don't have to face the pain that they hurt you and they don't have to suffer the loss of you, you are right there still giving your attention and support and easing the pain they would otherwise experience without you there. And you get to watch as they begin to date, and they never miss you or are able to step back and see all you did for them or all you meant cause again...you are there for them. Its like rewarding a theif for robbing you by inviting them into your home again. Unfortunately once someone changes their mind and heart about you, you need a new start and you need to pull away to heal and let them go so you can find what it is you want now. You may hold on for awhile, you may miss them greatly, you may pine and cry and have false hope, its all normal, your self esteem takes a big hit, and you feel lost as your so used to being part of a couple, you don't know how to be alone. But in the end, if you greive it fully, allow the hurt and go easy on yourself and at the same time take steps to change your life, better yourself even in tiny ways, add new memories, experiences, look for a better job, change your home around, travel, stay positive....often times, in the longrun, you can become happy that the breakup occurred. It will be one of the hardest experiences to overcome, somedays it will feel like the sadness will never end, but one day it will, and you will say wow! I made it. You don't have to hate her. But you should not be her friend. No she did nothing wrong, ok, but it doesn't mean you will benefit from being her friend. That's the withdrawal talking. Ive often said if you were fired from a job, you don't go back to your desk and hang out with your boss...you move on. Let her go, she let you go and nothing good will come of staying friends. Maybe years down the road but just force yourself to be without and go through the hard times without her and you'll find yourself stronger and better for it once the clouds part later. Best wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 If a girl didn't do anything wrong, just sincerely told me she doesn't feel the same to me as I do to her, and I suddenly went full NC after we've been meeting everyday. She even told me I'm selfish, after saying she understands it, but still. You didn't do anything wrong either. She actually did something wrong by calling you selfish. When she broke up with you did you call her selfish? Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I did feel terribly guilty. She pushed me away because she had gotten ill, she couldn't deal with vulnerability and intimacy. I could not deal with the few short messages and pretending that I did not miss her insanely. At some moment it became clear to me that I couldn't go on like that if I did not want to loose myself in the process. She responded so cold and rational to my message. I hope I never fall in love with someone dismissive-avoidant again. But still I regret that it had to be like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thorin Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 It's the 20th day of full no contact, 40th day since I decided to go no contact but got breadcrumbs and a bit of going out, and 60th day since she began behaving differently than usual. 60 days ago I felt terrible, I've been literally counting 2-hours milestones of not talking to her, and couldn't endure it. We've been meeting as usual, but she was getting so strangly cold. Couple days later she finally told me she doesn't want a relationship with me, doesn't love me, but wanted to stay friends. Thus I went NC. The whole days of not talking to her were much worse, I couldn't sleep at nights, I was able to wake up at the middle of the night and just cry. Two weeks passed, and I got some breadcrumbs, met her, and two days later I went NC again. 20 days passed by since those breadcrumbs, and right now: - I began working out really hard everyday, I lost a lot of my fat, and feel much better - I am looking for a new job - I can focus more on my university - I can finally focus on cycling (she didn't like cycling, thus I had a one year break here) - I kind of used to the idea of not having her in my life I still think about her everyday, and I miss her, but I can also see how this break up affected me, and that I made some really nice progress, which I wouldn't be able to achieve if I were still with her. I still can cry randomly thinking about her, and I sometime get depressed, and other times really angry at her. There's one more thing I have to do before I feel I've done everything - finding a new girlfriend. That means improving my social skills, joining some meetups, creating a dating profile, etc - a lot of work, but I give myself time. I told her to give me 2 months break, and then [after I move on and work on myself] we'll be friends. But right now I see it won't be enough. I hope she'll text me again, but I also hope I'll be strong enough to ignore her...maybe that's why I don't feel that bad about her not sending me breadcrumbs anymore. Well, that's it - tomorrow I'm planning to make some cold approaches, and start working harder on my social skills. I guess I just wanted to write it somewhere, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Don't tell her to wait for you or you wait for her anymore. I know it's hard but to start to feel better you really have to let her go. She wanted to be alone so just let her be. Remember that only you are responsible to meet your own needs. A girlfriend can make you happy, but you don't actually NEED anyone to make yourself happy. Find yourself back, and enjoy being alone for awhile. Time will pass faster and you'll feel better eventually. I am 4 months post break up, two months of NC and I am feeling so much better. I only think about her once every couple days, and I don't even cry anymore. I truly loved her when we were together but oh well. Days will.become better. Trust me on this one mate 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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