Stuck74 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Well, perhaps the worst thread ever, but okay here I go: So at work they're organizing a company outing, next week at the swimming pool... My ex and I are working different shifts. I have kept NC, I have only spoken her once in the 3 months after the break up. It's the the most horrible thing I've ever been through, but it's getting really better lately. It's voluntary, and there's not much interest so far. But there's a huge chance she might be there, because she loves to swim. So, I said, if she's there it's probably not be a good idea for me to be around her. And they're like, come on, you can't hide for her forever, be a man about it. So now, I'm like, dunno. Maybe I should... I'm sorta curious what might happen... Should I go or not? Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) If its voluntary... No. Not until you are strong enough. Don't let anyone else "shame" you with the "be a man" b.s. You'll make your own decisions thank you and in doing so, you'll be the man you want to be (someone who is healed and stronger then before.) Edited March 29, 2015 by fireflywy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I sure as hell wouldn't. Has nothing to do with you being a "man". It could easily set you back months just to see her. What if she's flirting with other guys there, how would you feel? Thought so. Don't go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuck74 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Yeah, just thinking about it sets me back. I had a vivid dream about her for the first time in weeks. I guess this is a no brainer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Definitely don't go - 3 months is still very, very early and you're still very vulnerable. It's easy for others to say you shouldn't worry about it when they don't know exactly what you're going through. You're smart to be cautious. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 You'll be virtually naked. No. A Pool outing is NOT a good idea to encounter your ex for the first time in a while... Her curves will be amply visible, and you.... Well... No. Talk about complete exposure - physical and emotional! No. Just - No. Link to post Share on other sites
rollercoaster11 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Peer pressure...just take your time and do whats best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuck74 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Peer pressure...just take your time and do whats best for you. It's really hard when you have to answer people stuff like "if you love her so much why aren't you trying everything to get her back? It worked for me!" Or "she'll be back to you, you were so good to her and you looked so cute together". Or when a mutual colleague tells me "she asks about you all the time", expecting it to make me feel better. Well of course they don't know the details of our relationship, which I've described elsewhere. Like Idoltree explained : You sound like you're addicted to the highs of a relationship with a BPD woman and to the drama. That's exactly what I'm doing again. I'd go just to see her, wondering what could happen. I would probably say something "inappropriate" to her. She'll love it and say something likewise, I know how we are. And I'll love it. And... yes bad idea. Tired of avoiding her. Over her, no. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 No. If you can avoid this, avoid it. Why put yourself through it. One day in the future you'll meet a new woman and this task will become far less daunting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuck74 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 No. If you can avoid this, avoid it. Why put yourself through it. One day in the future you'll meet a new woman and this task will become far less daunting. Thanks. It's probably going to be a recurring event, so I'm missing alot of "fun". When I was at work today and I heard she'll be there I didn't have to think twice, not going. You might think why this is such a big deal to me, but she's a co-worker and if one of us changes shifts I might see her more frequently. So I was like, let's bite the bullet now. It really stresses me out. Link to post Share on other sites
Smokeshow Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 If it were me I would go, I wouldn't put my life on hold for anyone and that is what you are doing. Have some confidence in yourself and go have fun and let her see it doesn't bother you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Flip a coin..Heads=go....tails=don't..If it lands on heads,throw the coin away and try another. rinse/repeat until tails comes up. At least this way you're only out some spare change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stuck74 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 If it were me I would go, I wouldn't put my life on hold for anyone and that is what you are doing. Have some confidence in yourself and go have fun and let her see it doesn't bother you. If i had not visited this site some time ago that's what I would've done. But I'm still a mess. This "breaking NC" and "it might set you back months" scares me to death. I know how bad I felt then and it was awful. I know how I am at this stage. I wouldnt keep my eyes off her, wouldn't resist talking to her. If she tells me, please no, I'd be furious and make a scene. But more probably she'd put on her typical shy smile and flirt with me without even knowing it. And that might be even worse. Because I know I'd count the days until I see her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Smokeshow Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 If i had not visited this site some time ago that's what I would've done. But I'm still a mess. This "breaking NC" and "it might set you back months" scares me to death. I know how bad I felt then and it was awful. I know how I am at this stage. I wouldnt keep my eyes off her, wouldn't resist talking to her. If she tells me, please no, I'd be furious and make a scene. But more probably she'd put on her typical shy smile and flirt with me without even knowing it. And that might be even worse. Because I know I'd count the days until I see her again. Then don't go and allow her to dictate how you live your life. It's a decision you have to make but if you do go show a little self control and keep your eyes off of her and if she approaches you then try as hard as possible to be nonchalant with her. Confidence in yourself is key to everything in life Link to post Share on other sites
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