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A huge mess.


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First off, this is probably going to be so long, and I apologise for that.

 

Cramming 3 years of hurt and confusion into 1 post is hard but I'll try my best.

 

Years ago I was in a 4 year relationship which ended badly. We have a daughter together, who at the time was 10 months old. He started cheating on me, I tried to stick around as much as possible but I finally ended it, not because I wanted to, but simply because I could not keep dragging myself through it.

 

I did say to him that it was not something I wanted to do and if he could fix it and figure out a way for it to work, I'd still be there waiting for him.

He seemed fine with the break up, heard from people he was sleeping around, thought he really couldn't care too much if he was doing that.

I did love him a lot, and it did hurt so much.

 

For a few months after, I focused on myself. Went through the stage of drowning my sorrows, but started to feel a little ok, and surrounding myself with friends helped. I saw an old male friend while I was out one night, exchanged numbers with him, he started texting and calling me after.

He started coming around, and we eventually hooked up.

 

I stated to him I didn't want a relationship, that I wasn't ready for that at all.

I was 100% honest with him the whole time.

 

My ex started paying me interest again, and eventually said he wanted to sort our family out.. I was hesitant as I had heard he was still sleeping with the girl he had cheated on me with. I don't know whether he did genuinely want me back, or if it was because my friend was paying me attention and he got jealous.. I won't lie I did want my ex back, but all I wanted was him to prove to me that he was done with his screwing around, done with lying to me and hurting me. But I failed to see the point in taking him back if he was still sleeping around. My friend kept hanging around a lot, I told him I needed time to myself, he would still try to stick around. I don't know how it happened but through out all this I got so depressed and confused.. All I really needed was so be left alone to sort my head out. This all went on for 3 years.. My ex wanted me, then didn't want me.. My friend would try and force a relationship without me realising.. It was all my fault for not taking control on what I wanted.

 

But I didn't know how to take control. My self worth started diminishing, I never thought of what I wanted, just focused on what made everyone else happy.

 

I felt so pressured. My ex ended up starting a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with, a few weeks later she fell pregnant. They now have a daughter together. He abuses me telling me he played me for years, I'm worthless, to to kill myself. I ended up just starting a relationship with my friend to keep him happy. And I'm now pregnant. I told him today that I'm not happy, and I never got a chance to process anything. I'm so depressed..

 

Is it too late to think about me? I'm sorry if none of this makes sense.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Get him out of your life. . . forever. Only deal with him through lawyers / probation to collect child suppport.

 

 

Do not kill yourself. Get counseling if you feel suicidal.

 

 

Think about giving this baby up for adoption. There are hundreds if not thousands of loving childless couples who would love to give your baby every advantage in life. Giving them this gift would be the most selfless thing you could do for your child.

 

 

Meanwhile pull yourself together for your kid(s)

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