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Realistic not Pessimistic


BunHeadLA

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So this has been a very rough 5 years and the last few weeks have been especially bad ... A lot of highs and lows. Last night I missed my ex so much I crief over it. I had an interview for a live-in nanny job but she clearly was not too fond of me so it was very awkward... That kind of got me down but then I get a phone call from my friend. She was supposed to let me stay with her for the month until I got a new place to get out of my living situation and she told me her best friend needs to move in with her because she just broke up with her boyfriend. See now again I have to get replaced by someone else and have to get over it... And I am exhausted and I'm tired of hearing how another window open and really great things will come and things will work out when it doesn't and it's been going on for a really long time and I'm going to be 34 this year...

 

 

So my last resort is i signed up for seeking arrangements and I have a special date next week. I am an educated cute girl and if I'm going to be treated like a sex object And older guys really like me I might as well make it a business deal! He seems nice he's a lawyer and that's cool I was thinking of going to law school one day. I was a pre law minor in college. If that doesn't work I may ask a friend lives up north if I could stay for a little while look for a job up there and then possibly move back home...

 

It still makes me so angry though that these people can throw me away and there's at Peace and they get rewarded with relationships and friends and jobs and I get screwed over and I just need to deal.... They don't have to answer for anything. Screwed up my last chance at love with my ex so much and I will always love him but I have to be realistic and except my lot in life and I think a lot of people don't.

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dern! and i thought i was the only one that had to make it on my own and realize ppl would at times let me down. i am grateful to them though, it got me to be severely independent and not allow others circumstances to get in the way of an objective goal. although i don't pine for lost love, they ended as they should have. What would you like to be doing in your five year plan? and how have you started that effort? Respect yourself and be good to you.

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At a certain time in my life I had to start with nothing.

 

No job.

 

No money.

 

Nowhere to live.

 

No friends.

 

Everything I had fit into two suitcases.

 

So I rebuilt myself into the person I wanted to be.

 

That start from nothing is the very best thing that ever happened to me.

 

I am grateful for it.

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I have always done things alone I don't trust many people and every time I rebuild myself I get crushed again and no I don't want to put effort towards something that's only going to last a week or month.

 

And there is still people my life wonder why I don't date I mean really people??!!

 

I'm hoping that this potential sugar daddy will be able to help me as a mentor and friend. It will be very clear cut. No one will catch feelings and I'll have the money burden taken off of me for a little while...

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I think you need to get in touch with your anger and really feel it.

 

Does your body have a gauge for anger Satu?

Because getting in touch with your anger and releasing it only helps you for the moment. It normally doesn't do much in the long run.

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satu is right! anger has forced new directions to be forged. Not rightly keen on the sugar daddy idea.... obviously respect is not of value...

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Does your body have a gauge for anger Satu?

Because getting in touch with your anger and releasing it only helps you for the moment. It normally doesn't do much in the long run.

 

Working with anger in a healthy way is immensely therapeutic, and often brings lasting improvement.

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Does kick boxing count Satu?

 

Not a lot of people get the sugar daddy thing but I've worked my butt off, have loved regardless, have fought and struggled and sometimes you have to do what you have to do. :) I'm happy with my decision... It's no different if you met a person at a bar and he ended up being wealthy. My ex had a lot of money and I'd love him if he was broke but I found that since he had money he was less stressed, didn't complain or keep tabs like other guys.... We didn't have that burden.

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Working with anger in a healthy way is immensely therapeutic, and often brings lasting improvement.

 

I just dropped and did 50 push-ups.

 

Wow, now I feel better than I've felt all day :laugh:

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Good for you.

 

Is meditation good for anxiety? And if so, do you know anything else I can do for that that you would recommend.

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Is meditation good for anxiety? And if so, do you know anything else I can do for that that you would recommend.

 

It depends. In some people, meditation can actually trigger anxiety.

 

Bodywork is helpful for many people. Exercise, yoga, massage, breath work.

 

You'd need to be assessed by someone who works with anxiety, to get the most useful advice.

 

Start with exercise.

 

***************************************************************

 

Some of this might be useful:

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

Edited by Satu
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Have you looked up Hermetic wisdom?

 

Rule 1: The mind is all. If you reframe your mind to attempt to move the frame to a new angle, it changes how you view your current circumstances.

 

I'm reading about it now and its very interesting, and empowering stuff.

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Have you looked up Hermetic wisdom?

 

Rule 1: The mind is all. If you reframe your mind to attempt to move the frame to a new angle, it changes how you view your current circumstances.

 

I'm reading about it now and its very interesting, and empowering stuff.

 

Any books or sites you can recommend?

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You do have to admit though that sometimes your circumstances stink and you have to be realistic.... Being broke, homeless and jobless is hard to reframe. Disparate times call for measures.

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You do have to admit though that sometimes your circumstances stink and you have to be realistic.... Being broke, homeless and jobless is hard to reframe. Disparate times call for measures.

 

The art lies in using the 'best' possible solution. Deciding what is 'best' depends on honest self reflection.

 

Knowing oneself is the key to a life that really works.

 

Most people don't really know themselves, because they never look deeper than the most superficial part of their minds.

 

Dive deeper, and you find something very very powerful and wise.

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The art lies in using the 'best' possible solution. Deciding what is 'best' depends on honest self reflection.

 

Knowing oneself is the key to a life that really works.

 

Most people don't really know themselves, because they never look deeper than the most superficial part of their minds.

 

Dive deeper, and you find something very very powerful and wise.

 

But, how does one tap into that powerful side of one self?

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But, how does one tap into that powerful side of one self?

 

You have to want it more than you want anything else.

 

Anybody who doesn't want it enough will never find it.

 

The first step is a commitment to absolute honesty in all things.

 

That has to be 100%.

 

99% = 0 when it comes to honesty.

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You have to want it more than you want anything else.

 

Anybody who doesn't want it enough will never find it.

 

The first step is a commitment to absolute honesty in all things.

 

That has to be 100%.

 

99% = 0 when it comes to honesty.

 

Sheesh I nowhere near that.

I can't even reflect honestly on my past relationship.

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You do have to admit though that sometimes your circumstances stink and you have to be realistic.... Being broke, homeless and jobless is hard to reframe. Disparate times call for measures.

 

 

Yes, it is hard to reframe. I'm reading a book called "The New Hermetics" which is basically a modern form.of ancient wisdom. The title says magick but the authors definition of it relates to a mental state of belief and motivation. I'm about halfway through the book (you can look up the seven principles of Hermeticism on YouTube which speaks of the mind, balance, will, etc, to empower the individual. I'm also in hard times being 37, living at home, not having a high earning job (even though I have a Master's Degree) and having just had that thrown in my face by my ex when I never treated her poorly, (and I mean never, not even once) and even though she makes twice as much as some couples (she can.definitely take care of herself and I always stressed my own financial independence. Lol I blame this.on her immature, 50.Shades of Grey hen party). Anyway, things aren't the best and never what I imagined or wanted them to be. However, with that said, changing my mental outlook, attempting to recognize that all is mind and that whatever pain we have can be overcome with reframing our circumstances, breaking it down into small steps to.overcome while aspiring for goals, is something that I think will prove useful.

 

I don't think I'm saying this as clearly as the book, but the book stresses the idea of mental visualization (also using symbols as representation of mental self to make thinking easier beyond simple meditation) followed by will and effort to move you on a forward path. How does this fit into relationships and life you ask? Well, while I'm in a heap load of pain like everyone else here, I'm, as everyone as said, am REALLY forcing myself to change my view of where I am. Instead of looking at this with a proverbial "woe is me, I'll never find another" mindset, I'm looking at it as crucial learning experience to direct my mind and will at to overcome and not just in a simple spoken platitude of grudging disbelief and "yeah right."

 

As kooky as some of it sounds, these concepts, and other concepts such as alchemy, don't really involve the transmutation of actual lead to gold, but are instead symbols of turning indivuduals into something better or going from darkness to light (the parable of the cave is played heavily in "The Dark Knight Rises" and is ancient concept.)

 

It may not work for some, and for many who have strong religious beliefs, it may make them shy away, but its a fascinating mental exercise to keep in mind. *shrug*

Edited by fireflywy
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The art lies in using the 'best' possible solution. Deciding what is 'best' depends on honest self reflection.

 

Knowing oneself is the key to a life that really works.

 

Most people don't really know themselves, because they never look deeper than the most superficial part of their minds.

 

Dive deeper, and you find something very very powerful and wise.

 

"Know thy self!"

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I know myself well enough to know that I'm too tired to fight anymore. IF I do end up not homeless I'm going to only focus on career. Get in an arrangement and no way in hell actually date anyone again. I'll be posititivr about realistic goals but finding my own place in less than a week and actually falling in love again Sooo not going to happen

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I know myself well enough to know that I'm too tired to fight anymore. IF I do end up not homeless I'm going to only focus on career. Get in an arrangement and no way in hell actually date anyone again. I'll be posititivr about realistic goals but finding my own place in less than a week and actually falling in love again Sooo not going to happen

 

It takes a while to build a life with strong foundations, but it can be done.

 

You have to focus on basics first.\

 

I presume you are familiar with Maslows Hierarchy?

 

Build from the bottom up :)

 

Top down doesn't work too well.

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