Scared and worried about my health

[privategal]

So so tired and nearly afraid to post here as I worry for judgement or that anyone would even care about my story or continued posts.

I feel weak and suddenly look old, ugly...my eyes have bags, I don't see any hope in them, I don't care about my job, I cant sleep good, I do try and eat healthy, my lethargy has caused me to miss workouts, to be fully present.

 

I feel alone and deadinside. I don't love myself, or even like myself. I feel so utterly disengaged its unreal.

I don't understand how all this comes from a broken friendship, how it could possibly hit me so hard. It was good for a bit but in the last several days I hit bottom again, a new and lower bottom.

 

It seems others would have just let go and moved on my now and especially because Im in a new city with no reminders of old memories and with a promising new career for my husband and myself it seems I have the world at my fnger tips, but no. Ive never ever felt this horrible, even at funerals.

 

Im worried for my health. IC in past didn't help, I didn't like it and it made me feel worse.

I feel as an adult I should have the coping skills and strength needed to be better than this. I just looked at my face in the mirror and cried. Im seriously looking like a monster.

 

Can this aging alone be undone?

I never looked so old or tired or felt so low. I cant believe this has happened to me, that Im taking it so hard. Im scared I cant heal. So terrified this wont end.

Edited March 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Add paragraphs and clarify title

[privategal]

ps. in 2 weeks it will be 3 months since friendship ended and and 2 months of solid nc. seems WAY to long to still feel this affected.

[fireflywy]

ps. in 2 weeks it will be 3 months since friendship ended and and 2 months of solid nc. seems WAY to long to still feel this affected.

 

I don't know your story but for the bags and aging, be well hydrated with water and get a little vitamin d from the sun. Also, have your husband treat you out for a night on the town and do so committed to the idea that you will have some youthful fun

[Rainbowlove]

PG -

 

I'm with you.

 

It's a battle to keep moving forward some days, but what choice do we have?

 

I know the pain you speak of. You know I do.

 

For me, it's like I'm dragging a dead limb around. It's always with me; the hurt of losing a loved one.

 

I look at myself sometimes too and scare the crap out of myself. The affair and grieving has definitely aged me, but so has the New England winter of 2015 and my 4 year old.

 

What helps me is I stop and think about other loves and relationships I've lost. I think about how at the time of losing those relationships, I thought I'd never heal, but eventually I did.

 

I'm hoping it's the same here.

 

The healing process is like ebbs and flows. Good days, better days, hard days and harder days...believe it or not, you're only a few months in so you should be feeling crappy still.

 

You are still day to day. I'm still day to day...but the days are getting better...most days anyway...but the limb is still here dangling.

 

Some days now, I just brush it aside and say, give me a break today and ignore it. In some kind of twisted way I'm learning to live with it.

 

Have you talked to your counselor about possible meds? I'm not a huge advocate, but I think for some people it's necessary.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I took some time to review your previous posts just to make sure I was right about my initial impressions.

 

Anyone who has been following me on here knows how unforgiving I can be about infidelity but I will refrain from speaking directly about your EA and not pass any judgment. You seem to be aware of the bed you've made for yourself.

 

As for the question at hand, I think it's normal to have those moments and even long periods in our lives where we don't recognize the person staring back at us in the mirror. Sometimes its just the physical and more often it's the whole package.

 

It would seem that those moments become more overwhelming and damaging when attached to some kind of great stress or trauma and where one is slipping deeper and deeper into depression.

 

Hopeless and black.

 

If your health is really in jeopardy here then the only logical solution would be to get help. It's very rare for anyone to escape the clutches of such darkness without some kind of medical and professional intervention. There is no shame in it.

 

But like everything in life, YOU have to want it and YOU have to WORK for it. Nothing will work if you don't.

 

Take good care and good luck.

[Cali408]

PG,

 

You're mourning the loss of a loved one and you'll have dark days and weeks. You'll also have great days where it's easy.

 

I would urge you to focus and be grateful for all the good things happening in your life. Husband, new move, children.

 

Also, don't miss workouts. You need to burn off negative energy. Nothing helps the endorphins like a good sweat. And don't do the same old thing. Try something different. Yoga? Kettlebells? Bike? Instead of the normal stuff.

 

Plus 60 days is terrific! Keep it up.

 

I agree about IC, got nothing out of it.

 

You need to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself it's his loss for disregarding you. His love or lack thereof doesn't validate you as a human being F- him.

 

For aging, hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! It's ok to have a pity party, gets all the grief out. Then treat yourself to a spa day. Pamper yourself

Edited March 26, 2015 by Cali408

[privategal]

Oh man guys...I dreaded to log back in...was so expecting/fearing to hear you made your bed...and those statements are fair and accurate but I just desperately need a hug, some friends, something positive, Ive died a little I swear.

I love the advice and undeserved empathy.

Im beyond needing a kick. Thank you you dont even KNOW how you helped me tonight.