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Affair story that has lasted over 20 yrs


Hopeless31

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So here is my story. Sorry if it is so long. So a long long time ago over 20 yrs ago my AP and I dated in High school we were very very close and very much in love. After graduating High School, I moved away for a job and we stayed close, everytime I came home to visit for a couple weeks we would only be with eachother, the entire time. No matter who the other was dating we broke it off and just stayed together. Then I would go back to where I was living and the pain would set it for both of us but we would talk on the phone, write letters all the time.

 

Then it happened she got pregnant by someone else and the next time I came home to visit it was very hard for me to get close to the child. I loved her though so I eventually accepted it and we discussed her coming to where I was stationed and us eventually getting married. This back and forth spanned over 6 yrs since high school, finally she came to visit where I was living. Just her and I but she was different or so I sensed. Then September 11th happened and as we were sitting there watching the tv in my apartment her cell phone rang. It was another guy asking if she was ok. We talked about it and argued but she said he was nothing just a friend. This made me retreat a little I had a ring to ask her to marry me but I decided to wait. She went back home and we talked on the phone and through letters off and on until that final phone call. She said she was pregnant and it was by the guy that she was talking to on the phone that day she was at my apartment. I was devastated we fought, we cried she wanted to be with me, she said she wanted us to be together and that she had thoughts of having an abortion if it meant not losing me.

 

I decided it was over and went NC, cut her out of my life completely. She tried contacting but I was single and I did what I could to cope. That meant lots and lots of alchol just to ease the pain. Fast forward 10 yrs later, NC whatsoever for those last 10 yrs. I’m married now and have three children of my own. I get an email from her asking how I am. We talk and it turns out she married that guy and now has another child with him as well. The emailing continues and we get deeper involved emotionally. We both aren’t happy and she states that she married him because I left her completely and she had a child with him so it was the right thing to do. She said she still loved me, then she does something that hooks me. She takes pictures of every letter, every picture, every piece of clothing, lighters everything that I ever left at her house she has in a box. She never got rid of them, I mean every single letter since High School. I was amazed.

 

So for two years we chatted daily via text and then I went home to visit Family. We met at a local store and this was the first time we saw eachother in over 10 yrs. We chatted for awhile and then gave a hug good bye, I was going back to where I was living and where my family was. In that hug all the feelings instantly returned and they were very very strong.

 

Fast forward again now a year after that meeting and I have now moved with my family back to my hometown. We started seeing each other regularly, sneaking around here and there just to be together. Lunches, take the kids to the same location so we could just see eachother, playgrounds etc. So this was going on for about 9 months and she left her husband, but we would argue. A lot! Five times now we have said we were ending it, but we always come back. She will say she is finally getting rid of my stuff but never does. I would always initiate contact back or she would and then we would be right back in the thick of it.

 

Until, two weeks ago. We fought again she was in a bad mood about something with her husband who she is separated from. We were supposed to meet the next Night but she said very coldly well I can’t meet. It got me angry and we started fighting. Her last statement was We were so good to eachother yesterday at lunch and then today this BS. You think you need Time well here it is and this time it is permanent. And she asked me Why she turned her life upside down for? Then she blocked me from all social media.

 

Its been two weeks and I am wrestling with contacting her but I know its not the right thing. I need to let go and I want to let go but our story and our history makes me feel like she is the one I’m supposed to be with. She has told me this many times before as well. Can someone really wait for you for over 20 yrs and then decide its over. I want it to be over for the sake of everyone including my family. Since we reunited we have never had NC with eachother for longer than 2 days at most. I think its finally over. Had to write this out just to help myself cope.

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