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He never cared


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 9th March 2015, 10:15 PM   #1
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Unhappy He never cared

I met this guy at the beginning of the school year in august. To be honest, I couldn't stand him when I met him but he weaseled his way into my life in January. We hung multiple times a week, eventually starting having sex. He was constantly saying sweet things, obviously doing whatever was necessary. I've been concerned for sometime now that he was not actually sincere about a relationship however I assumed at the end of the day we were friends. We spent the night at each others places weekly & hung out until the next midday. We would go out to eat, to parties, whatever. Once I started realizing I was developing feelings I started to pull back so as to distant myself emotionally however we remained close. About 3 weeks ago he told me during a routine check up he was diagnosed with chlamydia. I should have realize this was a redflag (I haven't been with anyone for months) but I ignored any warning signs and got treated (mandatory if you've simply been exposed) and never talked about it since. A week after that I got in a bad wreck on the way home from his place. He had begged me to come over despite the potential for bad weather the next morning and I stupidly agreed. On my way home I was involved in a 4 car pile up due to ice and he seemed as if he was actually sorry! Sorry that he was the partial cause.

Fast forward two weeks. Now that I am on spring break i decided to confront him- I didn't want to do it during a school week in case something bad happened and it would distract me from my studies. So I confronted him early in the break, not even about an exclusive relationship or commitment to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just making sure our friendship was sincere. Is it not ok to wonder if this "Friendship" was sincere considering we slept at each others places weekly and I was in a bad car accident that was partially his fault?
However, he quit texting me right away. And I know he is near his phone, I am aware he is ignoring me. I have not texted him since. I will not beg for him to come back. But i am so broken. I cannot believe it was all fake. I understand guys can get cold feet over relationships (heck, even I have!) but a friendship? Of course now I wonder what is wrong with me that would make him not even want to be my friend. I feel broke. I gave so much for someone who faked everything.

Any advice? (I am sorry if this was long and didn't make sense, I am not formint coherent thoughts!).
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Old 9th March 2015, 11:09 PM   #2
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I don't think you had a genuine friendship. I think he liked having sex and enjoyed your company, but has probably moved on now to a new friend.

You don't want to be friends with a guy that would pressure you to come see him in bad weather...that shows he cared more about getting sex than your safety. Friends wouldn't do that.

Dont see it as losing a valuable friendship, see it as losing someone that is not worthy of being your friend.
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Old 10th March 2015, 6:05 AM   #3
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I have to agree with the above, it sounds like he wasn't interested so much in a relationship -- not even a friendship -- as he was into having sex with you.

The car accident should be a big red flag for you!

Consider that a wake-up call from the universe: it's time to start looking out for YOURSELF, missy.

You're too great to be used for sex. You're too special to put yourself at risk -- through unprotected sex or braving bad weather -- for ANY man, let alone someone who's not even asking to be your boyfriend!

Something I was told years ago -- and you can ignore this or not -- but it changed how I saw relationships anyway. Which is: don't have sex with anyone until you've had the conversation about being exclusive or not. Then, when you sleep with a guy, you KNOW..... are you FWB? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? What does the sex mean... and not mean?

Anyhow, just a thought.

I'm REALLY glad you weren't badly hurt in that crash!

Keep moving forward, this guy sounds like a jerk.
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Old 10th March 2015, 6:29 AM   #4
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You allowed yourself to be used by someone who you knew was insincere.

Learn the lesson and never do it again.
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Old 10th March 2015, 11:09 AM   #5
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Y'all are right. I should have been upfront from the beginning, save myself time and pain. I cannot believe I let it escalate to a FWB sort of situation with out any sort of actual relationship (even one as simple as friendship.) I can say I have learned and will not do anything again with out a serious commitment.

Ruby65, thank you! I am just trying to find some sort of silver lining in the whole situation.
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Old 10th March 2015, 11:36 AM   #6
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You'll find in the future that if you don't have sex before you agree on exclusivity.... that at least you'll have an answer and can decide based on that information, and not so much on what you HOPE and WISH is the case.

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