Loss of Father in Law

[WAsungirl]

My husband's dad recently died, and the event has brought up much turmoil in our relationship. They had a contentious relationship but things had leveled off between them. The death was unexpected and happened right in front of us, it was traumatic to say the least. In the beginning my husband and I healed together...we cried, laughed and spent a lot of time together. His sister lives out of the country and had the opposite of a contentious relationship with her dad. Personally I felt it was unhealthy even before his death. She gave him power over every aspect of her life, and their relationship negatively affected Her family relationships, including she and her brother (my husband). This has obviously brought them closer, and I am now on the outside. His sister and I have never had a lighthearted relationship, but I wouldn't call it contentious. Because she lives out of the country, my husband and I have moved into their dads home, which was their childhood home (we just so happened to be looking for a home to buy when this happened). While she was here things were extremely tense. Although we are moving into the home parameters were seton what could be done, moved and touched. At one point his sister told me she wanted to sit down with a lawyer and put in writing what could happen. I shut down at that point and stayed at our own house (while they stayed at FIL house together) because of my emotions towards being told this, and clearly I was cornering her into those feelings of discomfort with me moving into her childhood home. My husband has not forgiven me for shutting down and he treats me with this forefront in everything now. I live on eggshells here, afraid to dust his fingerprints or put up my own photos. My husband is not helping matters, although I hope with time that changes. My father in laws notes are still taped to the front door. I never know what to expect from him when I bring up things like cleaning up my FIL room or placing those notes in a photo album for safe keeping. Sometimes he is easy to talk to but most times he brushes me aside and says no. Add the element of his increasingly close relationship with my FIL girlfriend, whom none of us met but one time prior to his death...I feel left out and at a loss for how to help my husband through this. Not to mention my own feelings about the loss, which are ignored. I am pregnant and we have a toddler. I feel like the babysitter, stuck in a home I barely can move in. I hate how things are and am at a loss. I am writing this with my toddler pulling on me so I hope I have done a good enough job explaining things.