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Is it OK to go about life like this?


SycamoreCircle

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SycamoreCircle

I can say these things with a blase predisposition:

 

-I loved her deeply.

 

-I am now close to one year NC.

 

-She hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. Deliberately.

 

-I will never know her again.

 

That disclaimer out of the way, I find myself questioning where to go from here. I am so put off to intimacy that I refuse to go anywhere near it. And that extends to friendship. I like people. I like joking with people. Making them smile. Making them feel good about themselves. That will continue to be.

 

I no longer have the capacity to desire getting close to people. I don't blame anyone, not even my ex. I used to dream about living with a woman. I fulfilled that dream. It backfired terribly. I would rather be alone now.

 

She was my friend, too. Now, I don't want friends.

 

Is it OK to feel like this? I have lots of hobbies to occupy myself with. And I love to write. I spend a lot of time writing. I just want to know it's OK to be like this for a while. I've been alone most of my life, anyway.

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Yeah it is. As long as it makes you happy. I'm the exact same. Loved being alone, but enjoy making others happy. Only person I would want in my life is a wife. Took a dive one final time, and now suffering for it. Back to being alone for me.

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It sounds like you're not over the breakup yet.

 

That's okay, it takes as long as it takes.

 

Someday, you'll start to miss friendships -- and the potential benefits of falling in love again will start to outweigh the risks. It's a matter of perspective. Right now, you're still too hurt to open yourself to other people. In time, you'll be ready and the desire to share your life with other people will come back to you.

 

I'm a writer as well, and that's a solitary activity. Nothing wrong with it, goes with the territory.

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Cupid's Puppet

I feel like you, but the only difference is I'm a woman. I do not have a sex drive. I lost my desire for a family. I do not want another man to touch me. But I do miss being loved. It felt really good knowing no matter how rough life got, I had someone in this world who loved me. I miss that. It's a confusing position for me, and I feel suicidal at times. If your current situation makes you depressed, then no it is not okay to go your life like this. My problem is I have no control with this aspect of life.

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ralfgarnett
I feel like you' date=' but the only difference is I'm a woman. I do not have a sex drive. I lost my desire for a family. I do not want another man to touch me. But I do miss being loved. It felt really good knowing no matter how rough life got, I had someone in this world who loved me. I miss that. It's a confusing position for me, and I feel suicidal at times. If your current situation makes you depressed, then no it is not okay to go your life like this. My problem is I have no control with this aspect of life.[/quote']

 

 

 

I am a man and I feel almost as you do, 20 years of my life with the woman of my dreams now down the pan and for no obvious reasons, I lost my wife, my soul mate, my best friend all in one evening, I hate my life now and wish it was over.

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I'm totally put off by relationships right now. I have a lot of friends that I hang out with, and I enjoy that. But I'm just really disillusioned by the thought of any romantic relationship. It seems overwhelming, and my capacity to trust is not what it was. Maybe it's just a phase.

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Sycamore, your heart is still broken and in the healing stage; which is why you're turned off by the idea of having emotional intimacy with another woman ever again.

 

Also, try not to let your heart rule your belief system completely. You clearly need more distance from this relationship before you will be open to the idea of sharing emotional intimacy with a new woman. You will again someday. Don't live your life in absolutes. Be open.

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It's perfectly OK to feel this way, even normal for someone who was hurt badly. I feel this way from time to time as well. Sometimes, I want nothing more than to be alone. Other times, I hate it.

 

The thing to remember is that just because you feel this way right now, does not mean you are going to feel this way forever. The most important thing is to take care of yourself, do what feels right to you and what makes you feel better about yourself and your life. As long as you're doing that, you're going to be OK.

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Itspointless

I totally agree with Ruby65, writergal and KBarletta.

 

So yes man, for now it is totally OK to feel like this. And who knows what is to come :)

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ballycastle
It's perfectly OK to feel this way, even normal for someone who was hurt badly. I feel this way from time to time as well. Sometimes, I want nothing more than to be alone. Other times, I hate it.

 

The thing to remember is that just because you feel this way right now, does not mean you are going to feel this way forever. The most important thing is to take care of yourself, do what feels right to you and what makes you feel better about yourself and your life. As long as you're doing that, you're going to be OK.

 

I realise we shouldn't speak in absolutes but I believe I won't meet anyone again. I was betrayed so badly I don't trust anyone anymore. In fact I am embarking on hypnotherapy so I can work on accepting a life alone. Most people I know are in relationships or married but not me. Guess I am just one of those people whom people want as a great mate but not a girlfriend. I've been in my city for 13 years to no success so hypnotherapy will help me accept singlehood.

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Sure you can be alone. You wouldn't make a woman a good partner at this stage of your life. More anguish for both of you. You have too much emotional baggage and lack confidence...at least you recognize this and find solace in other activities, hobbies, etc.

 

I'm the opposite. I am only truly content when in a relationship. I have men on the brain constantly if not paired up. Not sex...I never think of sex except when in a committed relationship...then can't get enough.

 

If you are content, it is fine if it is a 'choice' for the right reasons. Perhaps another partner will come along in 6 months or 6 years. If not, so be it.

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I think whatever is your normal is normal, as long as you are not hurting anyone and are happy with your decisions to hell with what others think!

 

 

I still desire friends and I find that is where my comfort level is. I'm meeting new people who are positive influences which I haven't had in a long time. However my last love was a friend for a while and hurt me pretty bad. So having a relationship out of friendship is not an option nor is just meeting a stranger. I'm good being single. Sometimes I have a twinge but I get over it pretty quickly.

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I'd like to recommend a book that I read after my breakup and probably need to read again. It's called "Mars and Venus Starting Over." One of the ideas in the book is that we need to get to a place where we are open to loving again, as a way to complete healing. I'm obviously not at that stage myself but hope to be one day.

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