Broke NC...

[neildc]

Well, despite all the evidence here NOT to do so, I broke NC with my ex (only been 10 days). It's been almost a month since she last said anything to me. I just sent her an email (too embarrassed to post but nothing lame, just personal) basically highlighting a few points.

 

That I have had a chance to somewhat get over things, accept my part in ending things, that I genuinely believe I made a mistake and was sorry (said this many times previously), and that while I may be trying to accept her decision and move on, I still miss speaking to her and that I still think of her and wish her the best. It's been a rough month for me but I do actually mean what I said about trying to accept everything. It took me a whole month to get there, but I am.

 

I know I'm slow compared to others, but I think I've finally exited denial. Even if she wanted to get back at this point, I'm now doubting if I would want to based on how utterly cold she has been towards me this past month. Of course it's easy to say that but I know I've wanted nothing more for the last several months prior to NC than to reconcile, I won't lie to you guys. Its like she's a completely different person and I'm still clinging to the one I was (and am still to some degree) madly in love with. I know, stupid.

 

Of course, haven't received a response to my email (a day ago), and it sucks. I wasn't asking for her back or anything (although I've done the pleading and all that sappy crap previously with no success). I simply wanted to reach out and be friendly and let her know I know was being irrational but it was because I was just emotional over her rejecting reconciliation but that I understand. After all, I did break it off and then waited three months before realizing it was a mistake and I suppose that was too late for this one. I apologized and everything, said I was wrong, that I would do anything to make things right by her and nothing. I was man enough to be honest and tell her I was wrong.

 

I'm just shocked someone you were with for five years can get over a relationship and speaking to someone so brutally like that. We stayed in touch after breaking up which was a terrible idea looking back. I wasn't using the time apart to get over us and I now assume she was and had me as support unknowingly. Otherwise how does someone get over a five year relationship in a few months? I never stopped loving her while we were apart and we even got together a few times as well and talked daily. I eventually realized I needed to fix this and that I still had feelings for her and just made a rash, immature decision.

 

I don't know if she even thinks about me at all anymore, that's the worst part. I thought my note was harmless, but it does have me feeling down. I don't know why I keep thinking about someone who doesn't think or give a damn about me. Like I said, I'm slowly getting to the point where I wouldn't want to get back together because of how harsh this feels. I would never do this to her (just being this cold, etc).

 

I know I'm an idiot for breaking it off for a stupid reason (didn't think I was ready and used the first sign of trouble as an excuse). It just hurts that she can't even respond to me after she now knows I've been through hell for a month, exited denial (finally), and am now trying to take this whole break up thing seriously. I know she doesn't owe me anything, but yeah. Either way, contacting her has me indifferent. Part of me is angry she could still take what I felt was a calm and collect note and still not respond, and the other half is just sad that this person I once loved and who loved me can act as if I don't even exist in this world.

 

I don't know if I have a question here or not, but feel free to bring me down, up, or share thoughts. Thanks as always. I guess just add me to the list of fools that find out the hard way that nothing good seems to ever come from breaking NC.

[quattrob]

You broke up with her, you hurt her what did you honestly expect her to act towards you? Cold and being distant is because you broke her trust and it's a reaction that any human would probably act. It's a way to protect herself from you, someone she put so much trust and time into.

 

How do you know she doesn't think about you? She's not giving you anything in regards to that because she doesn't want to make you feel good because you dumped her for your own immature reason. Why would she want to make you feel good at this point when you dumped her and basically gave up on the relationship with her?

 

You're right people don't just forget about a long term relationship especially 5 years worth. But she certainly made you think that way because you hurt her.

 

Try not to feel too bad about sending her that email.. what's done is done, and now you know she's not ready to communicate with you. She's just not ready. She's not over you yet since she still resents you with her coldness. You should just leave her alone for now, now is not the time to be selfish.

 

At least now you know your mistakes, we've all had to learn things the hard way one time or another. Just be glad that you can admit to your mistakes, now act on it and become better. Improve yourself and learn from it. I know what I said is alittle rough but I'm sure you agree.

 

Time will heal you and help you feel better.

[neildc]

You broke up with her, you hurt her what did you honestly expect her to act towards you? Cold and being distant is because you broke her trust and it's a reaction that any human would probably act. It's a way to protect herself from you, someone she put so much trust and time into.

 

How do you know she doesn't think about you? She's not giving you anything in regards to that because she doesn't want to make you feel good because you dumped her for your own immature reason. Why would she want to make you feel good at this point when you dumped her and basically gave up on the relationship with her?

 

You're right people don't just forget about a long term relationship especially 5 years worth. But she certainly made you think that way because you hurt her.

 

Try not to feel too bad about sending her that email.. what's done is done, and now you know she's not ready to communicate with you. She's just not ready. She's not over you yet since she still resents you with her coldness. You should just leave her alone for now, now is not the time to be selfish.

 

At least now you know your mistakes, we've all had to learn things the hard way one time or another. Just be glad that you can admit to your mistakes, now act on it and become better. Improve yourself and learn from it. I know what I said is alittle rough but I'm sure you agree.

 

Time will heal you and help you feel better.

 

Not at all, I totally am to the point now where I can recongize my mistakes and have no issues hearing what you've said. I appreciate the directness of your words. I've basically said the same thing to myself over and over. I wish I could go back and take back what I did, but as you said, the damage is done. Live and learn I suppose. Just a rough way to have to learn. I also get I'm being selfish expecting something when I broke her heart and I openly admit she owes me nothing. I'm certainly not stringing her along (in that I wasn't reaching out to her for any other reason prior to NC but to admit fault and reconcile). But again, she's not wanting to hear it and you're right, I don't know if she's thinking about me because she isn't giving me anything. I understand I hurt her and she has every right to be cold...it just sucks, that's all. But I do get it.

 

Now is not the time to be selfish though, I like the way you put that. I'm going to take that to heart and remember it. I'm just going to go NC and be done with all this. Maybe she'll reach out one day, and maybe she never will. That's the consequence I will have to live with because of my actions. If she's not ready to communicate, she's not ready to communicate like you said. Thanks again.

[quattrob]

Not at all, I totally am to the point now where I can recongize my mistakes and have no issues hearing what you've said. I appreciate the directness of your words. I've basically said the same thing to myself over and over. I wish I could go back and take back what I did, but as you said, the damage is done. Live and learn I suppose. Just a rough way to have to learn. I also get I'm being selfish expecting something when I broke her heart and I openly admit she owes me nothing. I'm certainly not stringing her along (in that I wasn't reaching out to her for any other reason prior to NC but to admit fault and reconcile). But again, she's not wanting to hear it and you're right, I don't know if she's thinking about me because she isn't giving me anything. I understand I hurt her and she has every right to be cold...it just sucks, that's all. But I do get it.

 

Now is not the time to be selfish though, I like the way you put that. I'm going to take that to heart and remember it. I'm just going to go NC and be done with all this. Maybe she'll reach out one day, and maybe she never will. That's the consequence I will have to live with because of my actions. If she's not ready to communicate, she's not ready to communicate like you said. Thanks again.

 

My ex broke up with me at the beginning of january this year. So she's kind of similar to you in certain ways. She broke up because she was immature and she even hinted she'll come back to me when she betters herself etc. She says she might regret her decision.

 

I can tell you that you're a good example of how my ex will become, when you break off with someone because of your own selfishness while your partner was so good to you, you're most likely going to reach out again not necessarily for reconciliation but more like trying to make your ex be ok with you as a person. And the funny thing is, it doesn't matter if I'm over it and have fully forgiven her, she will always live with that guilt and hurt inside her for her dumb decision.

 

Right now I feel like I dumped her since she tried to sent me I miss yous and etc but I had none of that, I shut her down told her not to talk to me. She's definitely feeling like crap, crying alot almost every night as she says. But that doesn't do anything for me, the fact is we are not together, I dont need to care about how much she's suffering because she did this to herself not me.

 

Like you said there are consequences to all actions, it's the price we pay for each and every decision we make. Try to look up, your life will get better, you sound like you understand your mistakes, that's a big step. There are alot of people out there who would never admit to their mistakes because their pride and ego is more important to them. That's a good thing for you and I mean that.

 

I hope you'll feel better as time goes on.

[neildc]

My ex broke up with me at the beginning of january this year. So she's kind of similar to you in certain ways. She broke up because she was immature and she even hinted she'll come back to me when she betters herself etc. She says she might regret her decision.

 

I can tell you that you're a good example of how my ex will become, when you break off with someone because of your own selfishness while your partner was so good to you, you're most likely going to reach out again not necessarily for reconciliation but more like trying to make your ex be ok with you as a person. And the funny thing is, it doesn't matter if I'm over it and have fully forgiven her, she will always live with that guilt and hurt inside her for her dumb decision.

 

Right now I feel like I dumped her since she tried to sent me I miss yous and etc but I had none of that, I shut her down told her not to talk to me. She's definitely feeling like crap, crying alot almost every night as she says. But that doesn't do anything for me, the fact is we are not together, I dont need to care about how much she's suffering because she did this to herself not me.

 

Like you said there are consequences to all actions, it's the price we pay for each and every decision we make. Try to look up, your life will get better, you sound like you understand your mistakes, that's a big step. There are alot of people out there who would never admit to their mistakes because their pride and ego is more important to them. That's a good thing for you and I mean that.

 

I hope you'll feel better as time goes on.

 

Sorry to hear about your relatively recent break up as well. Sounds like you're certainly someone that has the experience and understands how to properly handle things, and that's a good thing. Wish you all the best as well. Your perspective has been good to hear as I imagine my ex is probably handling things in a similar fashion. I can totally understand the whole you now feeling like the dumper, my ex now has that over me. I have no issues admitting that. I may have made the wrong decision but I'm trying to move forward knowing that I at least said something (albeit late) and tried to humble myself and genuinely apologize and reconcile. As you know and have said, once the trust is gone...it's almost impossible to recover. I've learned that the hard way as well.

 

Good luck to you sir, and may time be the ultimate healer for the both of us. There will be good times again for us...eventually.