AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 What is the consensus on returning personal items to the ex? I have some of his nice clothes (including an expensive suit) and a toolkit. Should I ship it to him? It's a smaller handheld case of tools so it's not overly heavy. I am afraid sending him a package may cause him to initiate contact and I'm not strong enough for that. We live 175 miles apart so dropping off or picking up is not an option. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 What is the consensus on returning personal items to the ex? I have some of his nice clothes (including an expensive suit) and a toolkit. Should I ship it to him? It's a smaller handheld case of tools so it's not overly heavy. I am afraid sending him a package may cause him to initiate contact and I'm not strong enough for that. We live 175 miles apart so dropping off or picking up is not an option. I wouldn`t bother. Chuck them in a box and put away somewhere. Or if it`s been a while, donate them to a charity shop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I would ship them so he has no excuse to reappear. "Here's the last of your things." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 While I have no love for my exW, I respected her for returning things she found that were personal to me when later going through all the stuff we moved to her new house. There was no reason to have any contact surrounding such returns, nor for myself when running across stuff of hers that I knew from marital experience was relevant. I simply dropped it off without comment and moved on. IMO, if it's not an undue burden for shipping costs, simply box and ship and feel positive about letting go of this period of your life. While things might be painful now, hopefully there were good memories taken away from this relationship and those gifts can be carried forward in life, respecting your actions at the end reflected your intrinsic personality. If your personality isn't box and ship, respect that. Do what you feel is right for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 What is the consensus on returning personal items to the ex? I have some of his nice clothes (including an expensive suit) and a toolkit. Should I ship it to him? It's a smaller handheld case of tools so it's not overly heavy. I am afraid sending him a package may cause him to initiate contact and I'm not strong enough for that. We live 175 miles apart so dropping off or picking up is not an option. like i said to someone else, sell his stuff at the pawn shop and donate the cash to the salvation army (or the charity of your choice) Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I would return the items, if it were me. Honestly, if I could afford it, I'd also just pay to have it shipped without requesting reimbursement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Ship it 10 char Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 You've only just begun No Contact. Don't use returning his stuff as a roundabout way of making contact.... or trying to elicit a response from him. What's the rush getting his things back? Pack them up, out of sight. You have plenty of time to return the stuff later, when it doesn't mean anything to you anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 You've only just begun No Contact. Don't use returning his stuff as a roundabout way of making contact.... or trying to elicit a response from him. What's the rush getting his things back? Pack them up, out of sight. You have plenty of time to return the stuff later, when it doesn't mean anything to you anymore. quite, i couldn't agree more. you could also burn the stuff or dispose of it in the trash bin. if he asks for the stuff back in the future just say you gave it to some hobo on the street. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 You've only just begun No Contact. Don't use returning his stuff as a roundabout way of making contact.... or trying to elicit a response from him. What's the rush getting his things back? Pack them up, out of sight. You have plenty of time to return the stuff later, when it doesn't mean anything to you anymore. This is exactly what I'm concerned about and absolutely not what I am trying to accomplish. It's not so much a rush as it is I know that he will need his tools and it's his best suit. I'm not a mean person so I happen to think he would appreciate the return of his things. My intent in asking was to determine the best way to return his items without making it seem like I am doing exactly what you are saying. Thanks everyone for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 If NC is your goal, that's accomplished by removing contact means. Blocking e-mail and phone/text contacts, changing your number, removing his information, etc, etc. Those choices don't have to affect or interact with you shipping personal items to him. Simply drop off at PO or UPS and done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 If NC is your goal, that's accomplished by removing contact means. Blocking e-mail and phone/text contacts, changing your number, removing his information, etc, etc. Those choices don't have to affect or interact with you shipping personal items to him. Simply drop off at PO or UPS and done. Thanks Carhill! Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Yes..return his stuff. That's all it is. When I dropped the last of my ex's things(she wasn't there,obviously) off it helped,a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 What is the consensus on returning personal items to the ex? I have some of his nice clothes (including an expensive suit) and a toolkit. Should I ship it to him? It's a smaller handheld case of tools so it's not overly heavy. I am afraid sending him a package may cause him to initiate contact and I'm not strong enough for that. We live 175 miles apart so dropping off or picking up is not an option. Do what my ex did, give it away, even though I had mentioned that I wanted to get some things back, she decided because I hadn't come to get them within a month that she was free to give it away. He'll be pretty happy about things if you do that too. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's not so much a rush as it is I know that he will need his tools and it's his best suit. It is no longer your job to worry about what he needs. If these tools and suit were that important to him he would have contacted you to send them to him (and provided the postage). If he's not worried about them neither should you. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Just return his stuff. Or else you'll have it sitting at your place reminding you of him. No note, just ship it. If he texts/calls/emails to say "thanks", just ignore it. I really wish my ex would have returned some family home movies that mistakenly got placed in the Sh** ton of stuff she had to move out of my house. Instead, she contacted me almost 2 months later offering to drop it off in person. I basically told her to forget it and toss the stuff. I really wish she would have just mailed it to me. If you think throwing it away or donating it is better for you, then go right ahead. You'll take the higher road by shipping everything back, though, and washing your hands of it while maintaining dignity. Whatever you do, maintain no contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
idoltree Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm in favor of getting rid of them ASAP if it was not your decision to end the relationship. Why should you have to have his things in your space? I'd box them up and ship them off. Don't include a note or anything remotely personal and don't tell him that it's on it's way (if he asks you can say you've sent them.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Just return his stuff. Or else you'll have it sitting at your place reminding you of him. No note, just ship it. If he texts/calls/emails to say "thanks", just ignore it. I really wish my ex would have returned some family home movies that mistakenly got placed in the Sh** ton of stuff she had to move out of my house. Instead, she contacted me almost 2 months later offering to drop it off in person. I basically told her to forget it and toss the stuff. I really wish she would have just mailed it to me. If you think throwing it away or donating it is better for you, then go right ahead. You'll take the higher road by shipping everything back, though, and washing your hands of it while maintaining dignity. Whatever you do, maintain no contact. Thank you! I did not plan to include a note. I really want to send prior to him asking me about it. I was also worried he would think I was trying to engage him in conversation when that is the last thing I want to do. I appreciate your reply! I'm in favor of getting rid of them ASAP if it was not your decision to end the relationship. Why should you have to have his things in your space? I'd box them up and ship them off. Don't include a note or anything remotely personal and don't tell him that it's on it's way (if he asks you can say you've sent them.) It was his decision to emotionally abuse me for most of our relationship and it was my decision to FINALLY put an end to it. Link to post Share on other sites
ApexTitanium Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I wouldn't say anything to him, just ship the things and that's it. Like others have said if he responds just ignore it. Let it be done. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Actually, throwing away his stuff or destroying it is stealing. If you know his address and don't mind paying postage, ship it. Otherwise, keep it until he asks for it (see Carhill's point about NC?) Don't dispose of it. Your best option is to ship it, and pack it in a way that it won't be destroyed. you will probably have to pack the suit specially and separately. Why did he leave his best suit? Just wondering... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Why did he leave his best suit? Just wondering... Typical keeping the door open stuff. I got some smells of that from my exW. When I did, I offered her boyfriend a job. That ended it Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Actually, throwing away his stuff or destroying it is stealing. If you know his address and don't mind paying postage, ship it. Otherwise, keep it until he asks for it (see Carhill's point about NC?) Don't dispose of it. Your best option is to ship it, and pack it in a way that it won't be destroyed. you will probably have to pack the suit specially and separately. Why did he leave his best suit? Just wondering... Of course I know his address. His best suit was at my house because he accompanied me to many events in my hometown. Weddings, charity events, work related parties... I've packed his tools to send and a friend of mine packed the suit in a fancy hanging clothing bag and will ship it for me. No notes included. Just simply returning his things. Thanks again for the replies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Nicely done. You took the high road, and also got rid of any reminders (triggers) of him. Again, if he says "thanks" in any way, just ghost him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AprilTears Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Nicely done. You took the high road, and also got rid of any reminders (triggers) of him. Again, if he says "thanks" in any way, just ghost him. Thank you. That is the plan! Link to post Share on other sites
totenkopf Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 My ex girlfriend walked out on me one night I returned her sons things but everything that was hers got torched a few days later. I was good enough to use to wash and store all of her clothing during the relationship and the way she ended things was clearly premeditated such as taking my mobile phone the next she left. When you betray and lie to someone and premeditate then make sure you scuttle off with all your **** Link to post Share on other sites
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