Four months later and I still can't move on...

[The Big Lebowski]

Hi. I'm new here. Thanks for taking the time to check out my thread.

 

Four months ago, my girlfriend of four years left me for someone else. We got along well but had trust issues. It was a long-distance relationship and for the first two years, we had both been cheating on each other. We found out on the same day. I had been flirting and sexting with my previous ex and she had been doing the same with various much older 'sugar daddy' type men - this was all online, of course, with no physical cheating - but a lot of people feel that there's no real difference. After that awful day, we kept going for another two years and made more good memories, but she resented me the entire time (as I found out during the breakup). I forgave her, but she never forgave me. She met someone new, and a couple months later, she left me for him.

 

The relationship was very flawed, but she was the most amazing girl I had ever been with.

 

Now, months later, I'm moving forward with my life. I'm doing all the typical stuff - losing weight, trying the online dating thing, focusing on myself. But I still miss her so much. We used to talk for hours every single day. No one knows me even 1% as well as she did. I had no friends while I was with her because we just stayed home all the time talking to each other - which I know was probably bad. I'm making friends again now but I'm starting from square one with all of them.

 

Life goes on day by day for me. I'm really sad. And I'm still stuck in my hometown, with maybe three friends, trying to find a use for my stupid degree. No luck so far. Meanwhile, she's traveling the country with her new boyfriend, who is both younger and more successful than me. I've heard tell that her social media accounts and blogs are replete with pictures of them having fun, and she's openly talking about how much happier and more sexually satisfied she is now. I started No Contact in mid-December but broke it in early February because she needed 'closure'. I let her call me and just sort of yell at me for what I did during the early part of the relationship, and then we agreed to not talk to each other again. Probably a mistake, but I allowed myself to be guilted into it.

 

I'm sorry for going on for so long. I guess what I'm looking for is advice on a couple things.

 

1) I've met a couple of girls but I haven't been interested in pursuing a relationship with them. I've always had a very specific type of girl and my ex fit all the criteria of that type. So, unfortunately, I keep comparing all the girls I meet to my ex. Does anyone have any advice or experience with overcoming this self-destructive tendency?

 

2) Me and my ex lost our virginity to each other. We only managed to get intimate a few times during our trips to see each other, so I'm still pretty inexperienced for a guy in his mid-20s. I keep meeting girls that seem pretty alright but they have much more experience than me, and I'm kind of turned off by that. I'm really attracted to the idea of being with someone that has about the same amount of sexual experience as me, but I don't know how to find that person. Has anyone ever been in my situation before? Should I just start trying to get comfortable with the idea of being a girl's fifth or sixth guy?

 

 

Thanks for reading. Sorry for all the weird stuff I've done and think about. I appreciate any and all advice.

Edited March 2, 2015 by The Big Lebowski

[RainyDaze]

Sometimes it's hard to accept that most people have had life experiences before we come along. That's normal. Who knows? You might meet someone and fall in love and end up being the last person they are with;)

 

It sounds as if your ex is trying too hard to show how "happy" she is...which leads me to think she's not all that happy. At the same time, she's enjoying new experiences. Do you think you could be happy getting back with her, knowing she's been with someone else? It sounds like that's pretty important to you.

 

Take your time and let yourself heal...at the same time, allow yourself to enjoy being out with other women. You don't have to marry them immediately. Just sit through a date or two and be upfront about how you feel.