Is it really possible to just stop caring?

[lostsoul6486]

I can't seem to just stop caring about my ex. She did a lot of horrible **** to me but I still have a soft spot for her. I still think about her and what could have been. I still miss the friendship we had. That's probably what I miss the most. I have regressed so much in the past couple of weeks and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll probably never speak to her or see her again. I haven't spoken to her in seven months but she has been on my mind more than ever. I know this might sound a little extreme, but I feel like someone close to me that I deeply care about has passed away.

 

I feel extremely depressed and I don't care about or think about anything except her. All I want to do is go out and get drunk which just makes things worse. I've distanced myself from the girl I've been dating. My new job, which I loved and was so excited about, doesn't matter to me anymore. I wake up every day and I just go through the motions. Then, when the weekend comes, I go out with friends and get wasted. I'm actually hungover as I type this. I don't know what to do with myself. Every time I think about her, I remind myself that she is a cheater and that she's not the person I thought she was, but it still pulls me down. I thought I was doing so much better. I even posted on here to say so, but now I'm just as low as I've ever been. So, is it really possible to just stop caring? Am I ever going to get to the point where I simply don't care anymore? Because right now the light I saw at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago is completely gone.

[Itspointless]

I can't seem to just stop caring about my ex. She did a lot of horrible **** to me but I still have a soft spot for her. I still think about her and what could have been. I still miss the friendship we had. That's probably what I miss the most. I have regressed so much in the past couple of weeks and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll probably never speak to her or see her again. I haven't spoken to her in seven months but she has been on my mind more than ever. I know this might sound a little extreme, but I feel like someone close to me that I deeply care about has passed away.

 

I feel extremely depressed and I don't care about or think about anything except her. All I want to do is go out and get drunk which just makes things worse. I've distanced myself from the girl I've been dating. My new job, which I loved and was so excited about, doesn't matter to me anymore. I wake up every day and I just go through the motions. Then, when the weekend comes, I go out with friends and get wasted. I'm actually hungover as I type this. I don't know what to do with myself. Every time I think about her, I remind myself that she is a cheater and that she's not the person I thought she was, but it still pulls me down. I thought I was doing so much better. I even posted on here to say so, but now I'm just as low as I've ever been. So, is it really possible to just stop caring? Am I ever going to get to the point where I simply don't care anymore? Because right now the light I saw at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago is completely gone.

You can't stop caring just like that. But the intensity we care will diminish. You probably have been suppressing your feelings for a while, hence why you feel like you do now. I know that alcohol can be lovely, but it actually is a depressant. That means that in the long term it makes you feel worse. So it is best not use it to relive yourself: there are better ways.

 

Give yourself time, there has happened a lot. Go through your emotions and take them serious. In the end you will get to a better place where the wound sometimes itches a bit. Take care man.

[lostsoul6486]

You can't stop caring just like that. But the intensity we care will diminish. You probably have been suppressing your feelings for a while, hence why you feel like you do now. I know that alcohol can be lovely, but it actually is a depressant. That means that in the long term it makes you feel worse. So it is best not use it to relive yourself: there are better ways.

 

Give yourself time, there has happened a lot. Go through your emotions and take them serious. In the end you will get to a better place where the wound sometimes itches a bit. Take care man.

 

I know that there are definitely better ways than alcohol to relieve myself. People always say that distracting yourself with hobbies and friends is a good way to get your mind off things. That seems to have been working for me, but now I'm just down again. I've been super busy with my job and I was loving every minute of it, but I just don't feel that anymore. She's always in the back of my mind pulling me down. I think it's because I'm coming to terms with the fact that she's permanently no longer part of my life. Again, it's almost as if someone I deeply loved and cared about has passed away and we could never speak again. I guess that, deep down, I had a small glimmer of hope that we'd somehow find our way back to each other and I'm letting go of that now.

[Dallix]

I just got out of a relationship with an alcoholic, feel free to read my story if you have not already. Alcohol poisoned our relationship causing her to treat me horribly too. So my advice is to stay away from drinking when you feel down. It can destroy you and the person you care about. When you feel like you need to drink is the time you should NOT be drinking. Be strong and keep fighting.

[Itspointless]

I know that there are definitely better ways than alcohol to relieve myself. People always say that distracting yourself with hobbies and friends is a good way to get your mind off things. That seems to have been working for me, but now I'm just down again. I've been super busy with my job and I was loving every minute of it, but I just don't feel that anymore. She's always in the back of my mind pulling me down. I think it's because I'm coming to terms with the fact that she's permanently no longer part of my life. Again, it's almost as if someone I deeply loved and cared about has passed away and we could never speak again. I guess that, deep down, I had a small glimmer of hope that we'd somehow find our way back to each other and I'm letting go of that now.

I have been a couple of times where you are being pushed away and because of a death when I was an adolescent. Some things in life unfortunately know no short-cut. And yes it can very much feel the same. Distracting yourself is good, but also not to much as you need to process the emotions. Eventually you will get there. I am getting there

 

It looks like you also need to do some digging as why you accepted all the things she did. Life sometimes is a lot of hard work.

[privategal]

Just hope you start feeling better soon. I had a friendship breakup that devastated me so much. I had just moved to a new city and started my dream career. Then the breakup happened. I feel like the world went gray overnight. Its hard to smile and be and think positive. I too feel like theres a funeral to mourn.

I haven't coped with alcohol but I do cry alone alot and consider counseling as this level of greif seems awful and not healthy.

I guess it does take time to mourn and time will help the roller coaster of emotion but for me reading here can help at times.

I think your going to be just fine. They say hope us the last thing to die and just like you said your realizing the hope to find eachother is gone.

I imagine her (your ex) having to live with herself and the karma and aweful feelings associated with no longer having your friendship and her being responsible for that. You may never see it but she has to grieve double for her own actions and the loss of a great friend and boyfriend.

It will pass...just get through it one step at a time.

Its ok to not love your job right now, but try to find your passion in it again or create hope by job searching again just to see what's out there.

Chin up.

[lostnadrift]

I can't seem to just stop caring about my ex. She did a lot of horrible **** to me but I still have a soft spot for her. I still think about her and what could have been. I still miss the friendship we had. That's probably what I miss the most. I have regressed so much in the past couple of weeks and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll probably never speak to her or see her again. I haven't spoken to her in seven months but she has been on my mind more than ever. I know this might sound a little extreme, but I feel like someone close to me that I deeply care about has passed away.

 

I feel extremely depressed and I don't care about or think about anything except her. All I want to do is go out and get drunk which just makes things worse. I've distanced myself from the girl I've been dating. My new job, which I loved and was so excited about, doesn't matter to me anymore. I wake up every day and I just go through the motions. Then, when the weekend comes, I go out with friends and get wasted. I'm actually hungover as I type this. I don't know what to do with myself. Every time I think about her, I remind myself that she is a cheater and that she's not the person I thought she was, but it still pulls me down. I thought I was doing so much better. I even posted on here to say so, but now I'm just as low as I've ever been. So, is it really possible to just stop caring? Am I ever going to get to the point where I simply don't care anymore? Because right now the light I saw at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago is completely gone.

 

We're in a very similar position except that it's been 9 months for me.

 

I actually stopped dating for a while and just focused on myself. Every morning when I wake up, the first thought that comes to mind is that she's gone. Every frickin morning since the day I broke up with her.

 

It's part of the emotions roller coaster to feel down. As time passes the downs get less and less frequent but they still do come.

 

I actually stopped drinking when it happened because I didn't want alcohol to become my crutch. I would advice you to do the same to. Incorporate structure into your day. Lifting weights have helped me a lot with the endorphins and the improved self esteem that comes with an upgraded physique.

 

Be with yourself, stop and listen to your needs, listen to what it is you want, then do those things. You need to love yourself the same way you love another person. That helped me a lot. The actions of loving yourself affirms your self worth as an individual. It also imbues in you self respect and with that, strong boundaries when you interact with others. It's actually not too bad being by yourself when you actually love yourself.

[lostnadrift]

Oh and I havent stopped caring yet. I don't contact her anymore but I still catch myself thinking about the issues she's had, her past injuries, her colicky stomach, her occasional eye infections, her chipped tooth, her sickly maternal grandmother.

 

Sometimes I remember how much she'd hurt me and I get really angry with her but I can never think of hurting her. The other guy? I'm actually thinking of how to get away with murder.