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Suggestions on how to distract thoughts


MWood

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Hello, I'd thought I'd register and ask for the collective views out there on how to distract my thoughts from a situation I've found myself in. At the moment, I feel a degree of annoyance, but I'm more disappointed than anything.

 

Situation is thus - Over the past couple of years I've been involved on and off with a woman (Let's call her "G") who was in the process of divorcing from her husband (I realise that this was my first mistake) and made sure that I was never too demanding without equally being too much of a pushover. I'll admit that at times it was difficult but I remained patient and the feelings between us seemed to be genuine and growing at a steady pace. At times she really struggled with having been the victim of her husbands affair.

 

Moving forward in time, her divorce was finalised and as I expected, she withdrew in a big way. I expected this, and so backed off and provided no pressure of expectation. We kept in touch and she although she seemed confused (as expected again), she was also encouraging in the way she spoke about us as a pair.

 

This is where it gets sour for me. I work within a large organisation with this woman albeit in much different departments. An old ex-boyfriend of hers from 15 years ago also works for the same organisation (I'll refer to him as "R") Over time, they began talking again. He reveals he is thinking of leaving his wife, who in turn is unhappy he's speaking to an old flame. R then leaves his wife. I imagine you guess what's coming next.....

 

So a couple of days ago, I have my wings mightily clipped by the revelation that G has been dating R for around eight weeks, soaking up the affection from me as well. Naturally, I'm none too please about it and feel very led on. Ultimately, I cannot gripe, as we were not technically together.

 

Rightly or wrongly, I said my piece to G who I had been involved with, and called her out on effectively becoming the other woman, reminding her that she was not so long ago the same woman, sat at home crying over the loss of her marriage.

 

What disappointed me was that she was justifying it, saying that because she and R had talked about it, everything was ok. Naturally, I said that she had lost my trust and respect and that she had compromised her own integrity in a big way. I didn't really say anymore and refused her offer to remain friends - I told her it was inappropriate to maintain contact and that I'd be taking an extended trip to "North Carolina"

 

Anyway.......your thoughts on this? Whilst I have resolved to stay no contact, I can't get the damn thoughts of her out of my head, even though I have friends, work and the gym to distract me.

 

Do you also think I was wrong to call her out on what I saw as a shade of hypocrisy?

 

Thank you in advance!

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First off, G sounds like a b*tch.

 

Second, there are no secrets to stop yourself from thinking about her. I think when you try to do mental gymnastics and stop yourself from thinking about someone, it just makes you think about them more. You can have the thoughts, the challenge is not letting the thoughts effect you, and allowing the thoughts to pass.

 

Also, giving her a piece of your mind probably felt good, but in my opinion wasn't the best idea. She really doesn't care how bad you think she is. I'd love to give my ex a piece of my mind, but it wouldn't do anything. She isn't really sorry for what she did, and I'd just look bitter/annoying.

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Also, giving her a piece of your mind probably felt good, but in my opinion wasn't the best idea. She really doesn't care how bad you think she is. I'd love to give my ex a piece of my mind, but it wouldn't do anything. She isn't really sorry for what she did, and I'd just look bitter/annoying.

 

That was uncharacteristic for me, but this is one situation where it had got under my skin a little. I don't feel some sense of entitlement by sticking by her, just some belief in a little loyalty.

 

I guess that's the same for the thoughts really - a sense of injustice in the scheme of things. I'll just keep on with the NC and let it have its desired effect and forget the whole sorry mess!

 

Certainly a harsh lesson learned in getting involved with someone recently divorced. On reflection, I'm in the position of strength now.

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todreaminblue

she wasnt loyal to you or honest or right in what she did.....i am sorry this happened......good chance is that she told her ex about you and he decided ooh better move quick and get her back......that was her first mistake.....was to take hi9m back...when she could have had a loyal partner in you.....

 

the positive thing i can say.....is you do deserve better than that...find the woman who wouldnt take an ex back in a pink fit and recognises who you are as a person..she seems to have used you.....and that was not in any way fair. those sort of things.....the thing i can say ....are better to have happened now rather than later......i wish you well.....deb

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she wasnt loyal to you or honest or right in what she did.....i am sorry this happened......good chance is that she told her ex about you and he decided ooh better move quick and get her back......that was her first mistake.....was to take hi9m back...when she could have had a loyal partner in you.....

 

the positive thing i can say.....is you do deserve better than that...find the woman who wouldnt take an ex back in a pink fit and recognises who you are as a person..she seems to have used you.....and that was not in any way fair. those sort of things.....the thing i can say ....are better to have happened now rather than later......i wish you well.....deb

 

Thank you for your kind words, though you don't have to apologise for anything! I completely agree with all you've said though :)

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