Fake it till you break

[tinyvipers]

It's been a week since we broke up. I feel more fragile than I've ever been with before despite spending every single day since the breakup trying to keep myself busy.

 

I slept with somebody else yesterday for the first time and all I could think about was him. Been on half a dozen dates with men who have been enamoured with me. But nothing has really changed. I'm still at the same place where we parted. At one point thought that I could really maybe like one of them before realising that I can barely eat when I am alone and that I've finding myself waking up in tears dreaming about him.

 

I don't know how to move on. I cry when I need to but the intensity never seems to subside.

 

I've always gotten over previous breakups within the week and happily moved on because I always thought I lacked capacity to really feel and get attached to someone. This was until I met him and now I am scared to be feeling this much. But I am also scared that I will never feel the same way again regardless of whom I meet in the future.

 

It's been a really tough one week. Can somebody tell me where I should be going from here because honestly, I am such a mess right now.

[Mi7522]

It's been a week and you have been on a half dozen dates and have also slept with a guy? If true you may want to exercise a little self control and work on yourself

Edited February 8, 2015 by Mi7522

[Oneness]

It's been a week since we broke up. I feel more fragile than I've ever been with before despite spending every single day since the breakup trying to keep myself busy.

 

I slept with somebody else yesterday for the first time and all I could think about was him. Been on half a dozen dates with men who have been enamoured with me. But nothing has really changed. I'm still at the same place where we parted. At one point thought that I could really maybe like one of them before realising that I can barely eat when I am alone and that I've finding myself waking up in tears dreaming about him.

 

I don't know how to move on. I cry when I need to but the intensity never seems to subside.

 

I've always gotten over previous breakups within the week and happily moved on because I always thought I lacked capacity to really feel and get attached to someone. This was until I met him and now I am scared to be feeling this much. But I am also scared that I will never feel the same way again regardless of whom I meet in the future.

 

It's been a really tough one week. Can somebody tell me where I should be going from here because honestly, I am such a mess right now.

 

What I bolded disturbs me...do you really feel you lack the capacity to feel or get attached to someone - until now? Were you never concerned about this - I guess not if you freely admit it. But those who lack these capacities - sociopaths, psychopaths, and certain Axxi II Cluster B and Cluster personality disordered people would niot admit to it - because they know it is not the norm in society, and they are trying to pass as human...

 

I would suggest you get some therapy, and stop pushing yourself out there to date and have sex - normal, feeling people are not ready for tht, you need time to grieve and heal - because obviously you are not such a callous person as you think.

[bigtrouble]

It's been a week since we broke up. I feel more fragile than I've ever been with before despite spending every single day since the breakup trying to keep myself busy.

 

I slept with somebody else yesterday for the first time and all I could think about was him. Been on half a dozen dates with men who have been enamoured with me. But nothing has really changed. I'm still at the same place where we parted. At one point thought that I could really maybe like one of them before realising that I can barely eat when I am alone and that I've finding myself waking up in tears dreaming about him.

 

I don't know how to move on. I cry when I need to but the intensity never seems to subside.

 

I've always gotten over previous breakups within the week and happily moved on because I always thought I lacked capacity to really feel and get attached to someone. This was until I met him and now I am scared to be feeling this much. But I am also scared that I will never feel the same way again regardless of whom I meet in the future.

 

It's been a really tough one week. Can somebody tell me where I should be going from here because honestly, I am such a mess right now.

 

Stop seeking validation from someone else...

Keep your friends close...

You need to feel the pain, need to grieve the loss...

Its tough, may take you weeks or months...

 

Its difficult to forget him/her...

Remember who you are...

Find yourself...

And be you again...

 

NC works wonders...

Mix NC with distractions...

Focus on yourself...

Focus on your goals...

[tinyvipers]

bigtrouble, you're right. I did something stupid again yesterday and realized that the only way for me to recover is by finding myself again. It's just so difficult because he played such a primary role in my self-discovery so far and I really do feel a bit lost. What activities do you suggest to help with that?

[tinyvipers]

We spoke yesterday as I needed somebody for support. The past week has been a little bit crazy - a friend decided to take his own life at the tender age of 25; I finally took the courage to look up Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have been accused of having since the age of 12 by friends and even teachers, and realized that I do struggle with a lot of its symptoms; obviously the breakup was the icing on the cake.

 

In a way I found myself grateful that he decided to end it - I am in no place to be in a relationship. I have yet to learn how to grow and deal with my issues by myself and it is unhealthy to keep on using others as a crutch to cope with myself.

 

So I've decided that today is the day I start anew.

 

I woke up and a friend posted a quote on Facebook:

"We have all hurt someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. We have all loved someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. It is an intrinsic human trait, and a deep responsibility, I think, to be an organ and a blade. But, learning to forgive ourselves and others because we have not chosen wisely is what makes us most human. We make horrible mistakes. It’s how we learn. We breathe love. It’s how we learn. And it is inevitable." —Nayyirah Waheed

 

I realized that it has been so tough letting him go because I not only did I care deeply for him and at times even saw the possibility of him being "the one", it was my screw up which closed the door on us. I need to take time for myself to forgive myself for my mistakes to be able to eventually close the door on my end too and move on.

 

I am not sure how to do it but screwing 2 almost-strangers within a week of breaking up with him was definitely not the right strategy. From now on, I am going to go to the gym everyday, pick up music again, meditate for half an hour a day and continue learning Spanish.

 

I went to the gym and ran like crazy for half an hour today, did a few squats, and I feel a lot better.

 

I am going to see a friend now, who dated the guy who passed away, because I know she needs more emotional support than I do and that I need to be a much better friend.

 

Hopefully things will feel better tomorrow, and the day after.

[Mi7522]

We spoke yesterday as I needed somebody for support. The past week has been a little bit crazy - a friend decided to take his own life at the tender age of 25; I finally took the courage to look up Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have been accused of having since the age of 12 by friends and even teachers, and realized that I do struggle with a lot of its symptoms; obviously the breakup was the icing on the cake.

 

In a way I found myself grateful that he decided to end it - I am in no place to be in a relationship. I have yet to learn how to grow and deal with my issues by myself and it is unhealthy to keep on using others as a crutch to cope with myself.

 

So I've decided that today is the day I start anew.

 

I woke up and a friend posted a quote on Facebook:

"We have all hurt someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. We have all loved someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. It is an intrinsic human trait, and a deep responsibility, I think, to be an organ and a blade. But, learning to forgive ourselves and others because we have not chosen wisely is what makes us most human. We make horrible mistakes. It’s how we learn. We breathe love. It’s how we learn. And it is inevitable." —Nayyirah Waheed

 

I realized that it has been so tough letting him go because I not only did I care deeply for him and at times even saw the possibility of him being "the one", it was my screw up which closed the door on us. I need to take time for myself to forgive myself for my mistakes to be able to eventually close the door on my end too and move on.

 

I am not sure how to do it but screwing 2 almost-strangers within a week of breaking up with him was definitely not the right strategy. From now on, I am going to go to the gym everyday, pick up music again, meditate for half an hour a day and continue learning Spanish.

 

I went to the gym and ran like crazy for half an hour today, did a few squats, and I feel a lot better.

 

I am going to see a friend now, who dated the guy who passed away, because I know she needs more emotional support than I do and that I need to be a much better friend.

 

Hopefully things will feel better tomorrow, and the day after.

 

It sounds as though you are on the right path. Keep up the good work and if you feel like you are slipping come post on here, lots of good people with good advice to help you on your journey. Good luck!