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Struggling and Stuck, day 4 NC


questionsforthenouns

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questionsforthenouns

Hi there, I'm pretty fresh from my breakup and I am really struggling. I feel like I am doing some of the right things, like going out as much as possible and staying distracted, I am seeing a therapist, I have been talking to friends and family and getting advice, I am moving away soon...

 

But none of the help and advice that I get is sticking. I could listen to hours of advice and none of it makes a difference. Maybe it helps for a little bit but it always wears off. I feel like I am in a really bad place right now. Although I would never do it, I often contemplate suicide and would prefer to not be here in the pain.

 

I can't stop picturing my ex with other guys. I think about how much fun she is having out there while I suffer. If you guys could offer any help that would be great. This is very difficult right now

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You will not like my "help"...Your ex is probably with other guy's or soon will be. You can not control her actions. The quicker you accept that,the better off you'll be. Just the same...She can't control yours! You just have to focus on yourself and what's in the best interest of yourself. Either work,gym,new females...YOU! You,my friend,have been left behind/dumped! The faster you accept and realize the reality of the situation, the better..TRUST!

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You will not like my "help"...Your ex is probably with other guy's or soon will be. You can not control her actions. The quicker you accept that,the better off you'll be. Just the same...She can't control yours! You just have to focus on yourself and what's in the best interest of yourself. Either work,gym,new females...YOU! You,my friend,have been left behind/dumped! The faster you accept and realize the reality of the situation, the better..TRUST!

 

But I have accepted it. And it doesn't help. Nothing seems to help right now

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But I have accepted it. And it doesn't help. Nothing seems to help right now

Wait until you see her with her new men! That's when it really punches you in the throat! Been there! Cut every form of contact and avoid!

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Do you know for sure she is out there having fun dating other guys? If you build up in your mind what she is doing, it will just hurt you more. You are really early in NC, and you need to take time to grieve the loss of the relationship. I know the pain you are feeling...if it is really that bad, I would seek therapy, or meds to get you through. I know others who have done this, and it has helped. I take anti-anxiety meds when the pain gets to be too much....

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But none of the help and advice that I get is sticking. I could listen to hours of advice and none of it makes a difference. Maybe it helps for a little bit but it always wears off. I feel like I am in a really bad place right now. Although I would never do it, I often contemplate suicide and would prefer to not be here in the pain.

 

I can't stop picturing my ex with other guys. I think about how much fun she is having out there while I suffer.

 

This is all totally normal on day 4 of NC. I actually felt like this for the first few wks. Now that I'm on day 40+, I feel much different.

 

You have to give it time.

 

Whatever you do, do not give up on yourself.

 

Picture yourself as just having broken your arm. On day 4, it's going to hurt like hell, but as time passes, it will gradually get better. Same goes for a broken heart. There is no quick fix.

 

Just keep going and you will be okay.

 

If it's not okay, it's not the end.

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This is all totally normal on day 4 of NC. I actually felt like this for the first few wks. Now that I'm on day 40+, I feel much different.

 

You have to give it time.

 

Whatever you do, do not give up on yourself.

 

Picture yourself as just having broken your arm. On day 4, it's going to hurt like hell, but as time passes, it will gradually get better. Same goes for a broken heart. There is no quick fix.

 

Just keep going and you will be okay.

 

If it's not okay, it's not the end.

 

That's a good way to look at it. Thank you

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Yep, no problem.

 

I can remember how pained I was at day 4 and I'm in a totally different state right now, so I just wanted to let you know there is hope, but to be easy on yourself because day 4 is no walk in the park and is painful as hell. I felt like a shell of myself pretty much, until a few days ago.

 

I have joined the gym, so that is definitely helping to lift my spirits and am gradually coming out of my shell.

 

I would recommend exercising and listening to some soothing music.

 

On day 4, I'm pretty sure I thought I was dying. Yet, I'm alive!!! You will come back to life soon, don't worry.

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And remember, the emotions comes in waves, you really do have to ride them.

 

Don't get too cocky if on day 8 you feel healed. You're not. It's just a good moment or day. You gotta ride the waves throughout the day. You'll feel great for 2 hours, then you'll be thinking about her for the next 6.

 

Your mind is playing tricks on you, and never contact her when you get the urge. When you get the strongest urge, just sit on it for the night, then see if you still want to the next morning.

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and never contact her when you get the urge. When you get the strongest urge, just sit on it for the night, then see if you still want to the next morning.

 

My opinion is to never contact the ex, ever! It never ends well, I swear. Don't do it. Even if you sleep on it. Just say no. If you give yourself the option, you'll cave eventually.

 

For me, no contact is the only option. I don't even bother considering it. If I feel the urge ever, I stuff that down and try to blank out his number in my head. I go '222-222-2222' to try to act like I don't even know his number. May be a little obsessive, but whatever. Does the trick.

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My opinion is to never contact the ex, ever! It never ends well, I swear. Don't do it. Even if you sleep on it. Just say no. If you give yourself the option, you'll cave eventually.

 

For me, no contact is the only option. I don't even bother considering it. If I feel the urge ever, I stuff that down and try to blank out his number in my head. I go '222-222-2222' to try to act like I don't even know his number. May be a little obsessive, but whatever. Does the trick.

 

Trust me, I know. It's just a coping mechanism for people with fresh heart aches. Us vets know what's up.

 

And honestly, I think if it's fresh, you gotta get a few cold hard slaps, and the advice you get on this site has to actually manifest in real life.

 

For example. You hear about bread crumbs all the time, but then when your ex actually tosses you a breadcrumb, and you start to see through the BS, you say to yourself, "holy crap, LS was right. Just like how they said it would be! OK, she's playing games. NC for life on her."

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Obviously you want to think long term, but in the short term I would just take it one day at a time. I can hold out 'one more day' without doing anything rash. And then say that every day. It's always just one more day.

 

It's normal to feel down and hurt and depressed this early, I know I was a mess. Try to take it one day at a time. While everything hurts now, I would take time to pack up things that remind you of her and put them away. Take the pics off your phone and put them into a folder you don't use. Unfriend on facebook and, if possible, unfriend mutual friends as well. Get all that done now so you don't have to worry about it later.

 

I would suggest putting it away, don't throw out or destroy anything.

 

And as someone said, you don't know if she's out having fun or seeing other guys, she might be at home and sad about it too. Don't overthink what she's doing, worry about yourself. Thinking that she's out seeing other people is only going to make you hurt more. If she does find someone else eventually, it doesn't invalidate you in any way either! Remember that.

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Trust me, I know. It's just a coping mechanism for people with fresh heart aches. Us vets know what's up.

 

And honestly, I think if it's fresh, you gotta get a few cold hard slaps, and the advice you get on this site has to actually manifest in real life.

 

For example. You hear about bread crumbs all the time, but then when your ex actually tosses you a breadcrumb, and you start to see through the BS, you say to yourself, "holy crap, LS was right. Just like how they said it would be! OK, she's playing games. NC for life on her."

 

True true tikay. I agree 100%. We all think we got it covered by doing it 'our way'... until we learn the hard way.

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And remember, the emotions comes in waves, you really do have to ride them.

 

Don't get too cocky if on day 8 you feel healed. You're not. It's just a good moment or day. You gotta ride the waves throughout the day. You'll feel great for 2 hours, then you'll be thinking about her for the next 6.

 

Your mind is playing tricks on you, and never contact her when you get the urge. When you get the strongest urge, just sit on it for the night, then see if you still want to the next morning.

 

I think you are right about that. Sometimes I will have moments where I feel as if I am recovered, but then those good feelings just fade. I think that is one of the scariest parts of all this; the feeling of not having control over which side of the emotional line I am on.

 

My opinion is to never contact the ex, ever! It never ends well, I swear. Don't do it. Even if you sleep on it. Just say no. If you give yourself the option, you'll cave eventually.

 

For me, no contact is the only option. I don't even bother considering it. If I feel the urge ever, I stuff that down and try to blank out his number in my head. I go '222-222-2222' to try to act like I don't even know his number. May be a little obsessive, but whatever. Does the trick.

 

Yes. Don't worry, I won't contact her. If she doesn't contact me first, I will never speak to her again. We left off by me telling her that if she wants to reconcile and work on things, then she can prove it to me. Otherwise I am going on my way. It hurts because I know she's not going to contact me. But also I am glad because our relationship wasn't working. Regardless, it is still really painful right now.

 

Obviously you want to think long term, but in the short term I would just take it one day at a time. I can hold out 'one more day' without doing anything rash. And then say that every day. It's always just one more day.

 

It's normal to feel down and hurt and depressed this early, I know I was a mess. Try to take it one day at a time. While everything hurts now, I would take time to pack up things that remind you of her and put them away. Take the pics off your phone and put them into a folder you don't use. Unfriend on facebook and, if possible, unfriend mutual friends as well. Get all that done now so you don't have to worry about it later.

 

I would suggest putting it away, don't throw out or destroy anything.

 

And as someone said, you don't know if she's out having fun or seeing other guys, she might be at home and sad about it too. Don't overthink what she's doing, worry about yourself. Thinking that she's out seeing other people is only going to make you hurt more. If she does find someone else eventually, it doesn't invalidate you in any way either! Remember that.

 

I'm kind of scared to unfriend her though, for a few reasons. One, because it makes me seem immature and it makes it seem like I am hurting deeply. (which I am but I would rather her not know that). And two, because I feel like that damages a possibility of her reaching out to me in the future. Idk what to do yet

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I'm kind of scared to unfriend her though, for a few reasons. One, because it makes me seem immature and it makes it seem like I am hurting deeply. (which I am but I would rather her not know that). And two, because I feel like that damages a possibility of her reaching out to me in the future. Idk what to do yet

 

TRUST ME ON THIS. It doesn't, and she understands.

 

I was you a few months ago. I've been through IT ALL. I even got confirmation from my ex that NC is beneficial to get rid of the resentment, and have all the happy memories resurface.

 

TRUST ME. Your ex understands everything you have to do.

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TRUST ME ON THIS. It doesn't, and she understands.

 

I was you a few months ago. I've been through IT ALL. I even got confirmation from my ex that NC is beneficial to get rid of the resentment, and have all the happy memories resurface.

 

TRUST ME. Your ex understands everything you have to do.

 

You are probably right. I just need to will myself to do it. Also, the other thing holding me back is that I fear that if I delete her, I will end up trying to look at her social media stuff even more than if I just kept it. Like I will look to see if she's changed her profile picture and whatnot. Idk. I just have to commit I guess

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I was unsure about it as well, but think about this logically. Are they really so petty that if you tried to contact them further down the line they would say 'NO WAY YOU UNFRIENDED ME ON A WEBSITE!'?

 

If they really are that shallow then they can **** off, but most of the time they'll understand entirely.

 

I un-friended right away, even though my ex told me I could contact her if I wanted to, or if I had questions I could write them down and ask. I opted not to do that and I'm glad I did. I don't even look up her old profile (I did it once in the like the first week I think), and basically removed all traces from places where it's easy to stumble upon. I haven't deleted or removed pictures from my facebook or phone etc, just either moved them to folders where I can retrieve them later or ignore them.

 

I think it's much easier to do all of that kind of 'house cleaning' early on when you're hurting anyway, doing it later when you're recovering might make you feel down.

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