sammiexo Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 It's been a few months since I've been on here and I'm sad to say I am no better. I've had a couple of NC relapses and yesterday my cheating ex said the nastiest things he's ever said to me. But anyway..basically my life sucks and I feel like everything is going down the toilet. While the girl my ex cheated on me with, who had cheated on her bf of 4 years, is living it up- getting a nice new job, in a relationship with my ex, etc. and I just don't understand why good things happen to bad people. I mean this is a girl who pursued my ex, cheated, lied to and manipulated her bf, sent me malicious sexting screenshots between her and my ex- and she still is living the perfect life. I apologize if this sounds like rambles but I am so down and depressed still, trying to heal but it feels like nothing is going right- even when i stuck to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 OK you should take the focus off of your ex and his new girlfriend. Honestly speaking, what happens in their lives should mean pretty much nothing to you and your life. As people we all have our own journeys to take and paths to follow and what someone else is doing on theirs is neither here nor there. You really should consider going complete NC, especially in such a toxic situation where the new girlfriend is contacting you in such a malicious manner. You need to see NC as the ultimate form of self love and self preservation. Knowing what your ex and his new girl are doing is obviously detrimental, so why bother? Go complete NC. Block all avenues of communication. Delete all numbers, photos and access. And by God, do not keep tabs on any of them, it hurts in a normal situation/breakup but in a toxic one such as this, its damn near suicidal. Dont stalk social media or keep tabs, just dont. More than anything, instead of focusing on "the Joneses", focus on yourself. E.g. how is your health, so focus on healthy eating and gym. How is your career going, so focus on school, your job, getting that promotion, that degree or diploma. How is your social life, so focus on radiating positive energy and meeting/attracting new interesting fun people. Also know that someone who has to flaunt their wonderful life to you is probably miserable, especially if they have such a negative dispostion where they lie, cheat and steal. But instead of focusing on them, focus on you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 It sucks, but life is not fair, I Learned that long time ago. It would be nice if something like Karma really existed. In your case, you should block both, the b%tch and the cheating ex. Start with your phone, social medias...Then it will be impossible for them to reach you!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Start living your own life, not theirs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 It's been a few months since I've been on here and I'm sad to say I am no better. I've had a couple of NC relapses and yesterday my cheating ex said the nastiest things he's ever said to me. But anyway..basically my life sucks and I feel like everything is going down the toilet. While the girl my ex cheated on me with, who had cheated on her bf of 4 years, is living it up- getting a nice new job, in a relationship with my ex, etc. and I just don't understand why good things happen to bad people. I mean this is a girl who pursued my ex, cheated, lied to and manipulated her bf, sent me malicious sexting screenshots between her and my ex- and she still is living the perfect life. I apologize if this sounds like rambles but I am so down and depressed still, trying to heal but it feels like nothing is going right- even when i stuck to NC. Sammie, I am a huge believer in Karma and guess what, you already got a good dose of positive Karma. Look at it this way, you rid yourself of a cheater before you delved too far into a commitment with him(i.e. kids, house etc). And your cheating ex has just shacked up with a girl whom will undoubtably cheat on him. Now, as long as you cut him out of your life, he is going to feel a whole world of hurt in the not-so-distant future. Guess what, he's going to try running back to you for comfort but you aren't going to be there for him. Instead, you will have a new, better relationship and a better life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Sammiexo, karma is real and you are a good person. You are living the good karma right now as AlexfromBoston states above. Your guardian angels are protecting you from further heartache by getting him away from you. He and his new girl deserve each other because they are both deceptive and manipulative. Those are not desirable traits in a mate. You deserve way better than this. Stop getting sucked back in and do not sacrifice any more of your dignity. Stay away from him and let him live with his choices. I know the hurt runs deep, but you have to be brave and trust that this happened for a reason and that there are better things awaiting you around the corner, if you just give it time, and stop giving into your frustration and letting him hurt you further. It's not worth it. Allow the universe to do its thing and let it go. Believe that in time, with enough space away from this drama, the pain WILL subside. You WILL feel better and you will see this for what it is. How could you ever trust someone like him? How could they trust each other? This will eventually catch up with them, trust me. In some way, at some point, whether or not you get to see it, it will catch up with them. I've seen karma piss all over people who have done me wrong, so I know it's real. That shouldn't be your focus though. It should be on caring for yourself, because YOU are worthy of TLC. You've been through a lot. It's time to start taking care of the most important person in this equation -- you. Do what you need to do to start healing. Permanent NC would be the best first step. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 It does not sound to me like this new girlfriend has fallen upon good fortune... While two cheaters certainly deserve one another, it is not as formula for a successful relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sad26 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 It sucks, but life is not fair, I Learned that long time ago. It would be nice if something like Karma really existed. In your case, you should block both, the b%tch and the cheating ex. Start with your phone, social medias...Then it will be impossible for them to reach you!! I second this - life is unfair, and karma never existed. The thought of karma is our way to feel good, like the last hope. Those who hurt others are the only ones who don't get hurt. It is impossible to avoid social media. It happens when one has totally moved one. It is the result, not the path of moving on. I guess this torture is the rite of passage of moving on. The person that has hurt you - by my definition - will always have fun, social media checking or not. Remember the times when someone had feelings for you and you couldn't care less. That's how your ex is feeling now. I am sorry - I do realise my words are apathetic, but this is the reality and I am going through the same situation as you. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I second this - life is unfair, and karma never existed. The thought of karma is our way to feel good, like the last hope. Those who hurt others are the only ones who don't get hurt. It is impossible to avoid social media. It happens when one has totally moved one. It is the result, not the path of moving on. I guess this torture is the rite of passage of moving on. The person that has hurt you - by my definition - will always have fun, social media checking or not. Remember the times when someone had feelings for you and you couldn't care less. That's how your ex is feeling now. I am sorry - I do realise my words are apathetic, but this is the reality and I am going through the same situation as you. Idk sad, I've gotten some pretty hefty doses of negative Karma in the past. I blame my constant infidelities on that. Thankfully, all this negativity reformed me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Most of life is random. If you can learn to accept that fact, you're way ahead of most people. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Idk sad, I've gotten some pretty hefty doses of negative Karma in the past. I blame my constant infidelities on that. Thankfully, all this negativity reformed me. The idea of karma is merely another way to try to make sense of life. To attempt to apply order to what gets thrown at you. It's very scary to think that anything awful could happen to any of us. Very scary indeed. However, that's reality. Link to post Share on other sites
sober and dry Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 One thing is for certain, everyone rips what they sow. Call it karma or whatever that always happens, for good or for bad that's the truth. It may seem that's not now, but sooner or later everyone sees it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sammiexo Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 Thank you for all the kind & honest words, all <3 Link to post Share on other sites
TashaTudor Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Two bullies have joined forces and they've decided they are going to wield their anger and self-hate onto you. Right now life is great for both of them. Its only a matter of time before they turn on each other, but they can't do that because you are there to help them release their anger. So they are jointly abusing you. Go no contact immediately! Give it time. Tick tock, tick tock. Once you are out of the way and long forgotten, they will turn their knives on each other. Relax, have tea, maybe even pop some popcorn. It'll be quite a blood bath. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sammiexo Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Been trying my best to avoid social media and sticking to NC. I stayed home today and the urge is there to "check" because I am feeling a little angry so I am trying to keep myself busy and redirect myself. What grates me still is he kept bringing up my mom, like she's to blame for our split (he never apologies or takes responsibility for cheating, no, it's all my fault and he acts like the cheating wasn't the reason why we broke up)..I have a close relationship with her and she can be a little overbearing at times but she has a good heart and loved my ex...he just doesn't have a good relationship with his family so he projects his anger onto me. It just pisses me off..you don't bring up family..I never did in our post-breakup arguments when honestly his family members are the ones who had an impact on his behavior & our relationship. So for him to call me a spoiled mama girl's brat is kind of hilarious now..when he used to brag how spoiled he was by his mom when he was younger with clothing, pampering, etc.. Just because I am loved and have people who care about me doesn't make me spoiled..Ugh I hate him so much. I read someone's post that said they loved who their ex used to be, not the person they are now..and I think that's true for me also but I just am having such a hard time coping and it's been 6 1/2 months since the breakup. I've been crying myself to sleep every night for the past week. It makes it worse knowing that he ended up with that girl. I think I would have been doing a lot better had he not ended up with her....it just makes me feel like sh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 People like this are often only capable of shallow connections. When they need a shoulder to lean on they probably wont find many people who want to give that to them. Their success is most of the time only skin-deep. Link to post Share on other sites
MWood Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I have an ex who run off with another guy and started living the good life. At the time, I was hurting bad and knowing that she was buying a new car, and going on expensive holidays etc, only seemed to compound my misery. It didn't help to then have news passed to me her grandfather had died, and her share of the inheritance amounted to something like £125,000. The spending just carried on. As time passed and I started to make sense of it all, I realised that she displayed the same behaviours as when she was in a relationship with me - i.e poor money management and a general lack of motivation to get her own stuff done. Unfortunately for her everything has come easy and she hasn't learned or developed as a person. Her sugar daddy of a partner feeds into this problem too. The truth of this is that whilst I've had the more difficult deal, it's worked out better in the long run and all that I've achieved can be looked upon with real pride. She doesn't even figure in my thoughts these days, only if I should happen to see her in the street (a rare thing). In your case, I think the same will happen for you. Whilst you may struggle now, keep your head down and run at the obstacles in front of you. If they won't move, just barge 'em out of the way! I guaratee in the long run it will work out and you'll feel that Karma has redressed the balance, but by that point you won't care! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Not everything that shines is gold. Unless you know their every movement in life (including their thoughts) you don't have any reason to believe they're "living it up". Link to post Share on other sites
LostInTheWild Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I like the idea of karma, but I don't necessarily believe in it although I make jokes about it. There was one story I heard of though and I'd like to share it with you (because I'm bored at work). It was a story my ex told me. If there ever was a decent tale of true karma, this would be the real deal. One day several years ago, I was with my ex in the car as we drove through the downtown area of where we used to live. There was a man in a wheelchair trying to cross the street. He had no legs, wore ratty clothing, was balding, and seemed really miserable. We stopped at a red light and my ex looked over at him. He seemed surprised. "I remember seeing that guy so many years ago!" And he began telling his recollections of this man's story. Apparently, this man had it all - a beautiful woman who adored him, a successful life - he had everything. This woman would have laid her life on the line for him, but you know what? He didn't really want her. And that's when the "abuse" started. I don't know that he hit her, but emotionally, he knocked and beat her down. He cheated. He lied to her. He changed her. She was a beautiful woman. A woman who couldn't understand why a man like this did not love her back. I don't know why she stayed, but I'm sure we can all figure out why. But then he left her for someone younger. The beautiful woman killed herself shortly after he left her. Some might say he drove her to her grave. Some might say she was crazy. My ex pointed over to the guy in the wheelchair and said, "Look at how his life has fallen apart after that...He lost everything right after she died." Then we drove off. Reflecting back on that story, I hope that turns out to be my ex one day. But the truth is, you never know how things might turn out. Karma, anyone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
equitable Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Many thanks to all for your posts. Although I'm not the OP, these replies are very helpful to me (and probably many others) who are struggling with the same thing. I don't want to sit and wish ill on anyone, but I also struggle with feeling that I have tried to live right and well, thinking of others, etc. and I ended up cheated on, divorced, in a relationship where I realized I was really #2 in his heart, dealing with an alcoholic family that I've had to walk away from for my sanity, and just generally feeling very alone...while others I know live a life entirely devoted to themselves and anything they want, doing what it takes, even if it hurts others, to get what they want, and seem to be living lives of blissful, contented ease and happiness, and surrounded by love. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 This 'Karma' issue is a bit like my eating Egg-plants (aubergines). It keeps repeating on me. It would be nice if people could actually consider that Karma is simply a Sanskrit word that means "Action". Nothing more, nothing less. It's extremely basic, and I know there is more than one thread already that has touched upon this issue in the past. Karma = Voluntary, deliberate, volitional ACTION. It's something we all do, all the time, and is premeditated. As someone who makes a study of these matters, the issue is important to me, and I really do appreciate being able to set 'the record' straight.... Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I don't want to sit and wish ill on anyone, but I also struggle with feeling that I have tried to live right and well, thinking of others, etc. and I ended up cheated on, divorced, in a relationship where I realized I was really #2 in his heart, dealing with an alcoholic family that I've had to walk away from for my sanity, and just generally feeling very alone...while others I know live a life entirely devoted to themselves and anything they want, doing what it takes, even if it hurts others, to get what they want, and seem to be living lives of blissful, contented ease and happiness, and surrounded by love. I hear you, some people have what it seems a harder path to walk. Be true to yourself and live with integrity. You do not want to be like those people. I dare to bet you even couldn't, just as I can't. That is a good thing! Link to post Share on other sites
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