Alone, 21st Birthday, Feeling Down.

[Loving Hearts]

Today is my 21st Birthday and I'm alone at home.

 

I had a major breakup with my ex about two years ago and today, I find myself thinking a lot about her for some reason. Over the past year or so, I've made tremendous improvements in my life to recover from the pain: I've landed a really nice job that I love, I'm getting better grades in school, I'm becoming more physically fit, I've dealt with the breakup to the point where a single thought about her only comes up maybe once every two weeks.

 

Today, I find myself crying (which is unusual for me, and I am male) about how the last best birthday celebration I had, my ex planned a whole amazing day for me. My parents have forgotten that it's my birthday or they're deciding to wait until it's nighttime to wish my a happy birthday but I doubt it's the latter. Most of my friends are busy with work or other things so I can't see them. I feel depressed for the first time in over a year and I hate it. I'm not going to commit suicide or anything crazy and I know I'll feel better on Monday once I go back to work and this whole alone-21st birthday thing has passed but today is REALLY hard for me right now.

 

I guess part of it is because most of my friends go crazy-party on their 21st and I'm not doing that so I'm comparing myself to them or something. I could go to a bar or club but I feel way too down to socialize at this point and I don't want to look alone. I'm certainly not going to drink at home alone, that would probably make me feel even worse.

 

I guess going from the best birthday of my life to the most "hyped up/special" birthday where I spend it alone is really taking a toll on me. The weather is way too cold for a walk in the park so I don't know what to do, I guess I'll watch Netflix in a few hours or something...

 

I really miss my ex for some reason, just today. I miss the amazing things she did for me on holidays/birthdays. I haven't really missed her in about a year but today is just brutal. I'm pretty sure it's mostly because I'm spending my 21st, alone. Also because my parents forgot.

 

I don't know what the point of this is, I guess I just want to rant/vent in hopes that it'll make me feel better. Or maybe if anyone has any stories that could cheer me up or suggestions on what I should do to make the rest of my evening a little better.

 

This is literally the most lonely night I've ever felt in my entire life, that's for sure.

[Taramere]

Oh ****, that is not good. I want to say Happy Birthday, but in the circumstances it doesn't seem the right thing to say.

 

Okay, it's times like this that you need to find your inner nurturer. January is a bit of a crap time to have a birthday generally (as I know well). Often people are just too fed up with the cold weather and the aftermath of the festive season (including going back to work) to want to go out.

 

However, you should have a treat. Why don't you have a look through some activity ideas and plan right now some sort of organised outdoor activity (suitable for cold weather) that you think you'll enjoy. To hell with organising anything with friends...this is a good time to think about planning something that you can just go along to on your own. There are times I've gone, just for example (and it's a bit cold to think of this just now) whitewater rafting - and there have been people on their own. They just joined up with a group, as you have to in a raft, and were immediately part of that group. Or you could go on a horse trek - or something else that you maybe haven't done before. It will be your belated birthday treat to yourself.

 

I do think that since it's your birthday today, you should really plan some sort of enjoyable outing like that right now. That way you have something positive to think about and to look forward to. There are these rough times when nobody's there for you, and it's easy to slip into a funk...but honestly, lots and lots of people find themselves in that place at times. It's just unfortunate for you that you're in that place on your 21st, but perhaps today will be a more important day for you than it feels right now. It might be the day when a little spark in you says "okay, I'm going to become that bit more self sufficient than I was yesterday. I'm going to get closer to being that person who, when other people let him down, is able to brush it off and find something new for himself that doesn't involve relying on friends or family."

 

Go and track down an activity for yourself that you'll enjoy, and book it right now. Please. You deserve it. Then anticipate how much fun it's going to be and try to have a happier rest of your birthday than you've had so far today.

[Loving Hearts]

Thank you Taramere, your words brought my spirits up a little bit.

 

Although it's way too cold anytime soon for whitewater rafting as you've seen, I do remember the last time I went. Half of the people in the raft were people I didn't know and we all had a good time together even though we didn't know each other. So that brought a smile to my face.

 

I am registered for the Tough Mudder race in my area but that's not for a couple of months. I'll think of another activity though from your suggestion, maybe something that's like whitewater where you can go by yourself and just have a good time with others or make friends that way.

 

I stopped crying which is good but it'll probably be a bad reminder for me when my friends ask me later what I did on my 21st. I know this should be more about me than anyone else but I can't help but compare my 21st to how others spent it and fear that I'll regret it a couple of years down the road that I didn't go to some bar and get crazy wasted or something of that sort.

[amaysngrace]

Happy Birthday!

 

You should really go have a drink tonight!

 

Go find the prettiest single girl in the place, buy two drinks and ask her to have one with you for your birthday. Tell her you're out of town on business or something so she doesn't have to feel too sorry for you.

 

And smile a lot!

[Taramere]

What about ski-ing, LH? Definitely something you can do in the cold! I haven't been for years. Usually when I did used to go, it was with other people - but I remember one time just going along on my own and booking a class. And when I went on a ski-ing holiday with friends one time, they were all more advanced than me - so I had to go in a separate class. Which meant that for a lot of the holiday I hung out with and got to know people who weren't in the group I went with.

 

I developed a bit of a taste for that. It's probably why I've gone travelling on my own a few times. It gives you a chance to hang out with people who don't have any fixed ideas about you (from knowing you for years) and gives you opportunities to grow. Gives you more of a sense of being your own person, really.

 

But yes, whether you've gone ski-ing before or not...you can have a blast just going along on your own and signing up with a class. And horse-riding is another thing you can do in any weather really. I don't know about you, but I find spending time around animals incredibly therapeutic.

 

I stopped crying which is good but it'll probably be a bad reminder for me when my friends ask me later what I did on my 21st. I know this should be more about me than anyone else but I can't help but compare my 21st to how others spent it and fear that I'll regret it a couple of years down the road that I didn't go to some bar and get crazy wasted or something of that sort.

 

I did go out with friends on my 21st birthday, but I can assure you that it's not something I ever think about. It was just another night out basically. I'm way older than you, and most of my best memories are connected with time spent abroad, or time spent doing outdoor activities. Nights spent in pubs and clubs...not really. Getting drunk is fun at the time, but doesn't particularly make for amazing memories.

Edited January 25, 2015 by Taramere

[Imajerk17]

Today is my 21st Birthday and I'm alone at home.

 

I had a major breakup with my ex about two years ago and today, I find myself thinking a lot about her for some reason. Over the past year or so, I've made tremendous improvements in my life to recover from the pain: I've landed a really nice job that I love, I'm getting better grades in school, I'm becoming more physically fit, I've dealt with the breakup to the point where a single thought about her only comes up maybe once every two weeks.

 

 

In the long run, what you've been doing above is going to matter a hell of a lot more than some birthday celebration. You're like, already ahead of what 90% of the guys on this forum already?

 

I sure as hell don't remember my 21st birthday and not because it was that good.

 

I think a bunch of us here would buy you a beer. I know I would. Happy Birthday!

[IfiKnewThen]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AND ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

 

heres what i want you to tell yourself for this 21st birthday....please

 

1. that this is the beginning of a brand new year for you. this is your personal new years eve when you toast the old year goodbye including this day. .......................i have known people whose new year started off not so good and ended with a blast as the best year of their life. so believe that will happen to you.

 

2. know that tho you feel lonely and def miss your ex. that you at the young age of 21 have already been loved and been in love. some never see that. i kid you not.

 

3. celebrate that you're a healthy man. you can walk...talk. youre home and not in a hospital. now im not saying you cant be sad for what you wish and long for. for feeling lonely. you're entitled to that. but remember only the sick can see the crown....on the healthy persons head.

 

4. that tho people get busy...you are still loved, im sure.

 

5. tell yourself your smart and sensitive, and can have empathy even for yourself on this day.

 

6. tell yourself you are going somewhere. and watch something funny...call friends. get even 1 person to go out with u..or come to your place.

 

 

7. have an extended bday and celebrate tomorrow too. sheesh maybe you were born at 11:00 pm and you still have 24 hours left.

 

8. God is with you too, believe it or not and he reigns above anyones presence.

 

it was my bday too this month and i played an online game and told everyone it was my bday and got lots of well wishes. maybe play a pc game where u actually interact.

 

9. go on an online dating site and for your bday....pick a girl and send her a poke hello who matches your insterest..and see if it leads anywhere in the new year.

 

10. buy some lotto tickets and do some scratch offs.

 

11. treat yourself to your favorite meal.

 

then tell yourself..you did what you could for your day but your YEAR gets better. its one step of many...

 

God bless. happy birthday to what sounds like a great guy,

Edited January 25, 2015 by IfiKnewThen

[xxoo]

Happy birthday!

 

I'm sorry it's been a crummy day. Glad you reached out somewhere

 

You'll still be 21 tomorrow, and the next day, and the next week. Consider yourself "owed" a birthday treat, something to look forward to. And when you feel inspired, treat yourself.

[Ieris]

~ H A P P Y . B I R T H D A Y ! ~

 

It's OK, you don't have to celebrate your birthday the way everyone else does. Do your own thing and spend it however you like. You could even plan a trip with your friends at a later date when you're feeling better, a belated birthday getaway.

 

I planned my birthday early last month, all my friends came out and I just started crying, saying I want to go home (I broke up 3 days before that you see) so that was a complete waste of time. Wish I just stayed home watching TV with a tub of Haagen Daas Ice cream

[IfiKnewThen]

ps one last thing..........

 

 

buy yourself a cake and candles. make a wish and a prayer and then.....believe...when you blow the candles out.

 

for real..

[Loving Hearts]

Thanks SO much everyone for the birthday wishes! The kind words and extra birthday wishes definitely made me feel better even if they're from strangers through the internet.

 

@amaysngrace: I know you just have good intentions but I think I'll probably pass, at least for tonight. The way I'm feeling now, I'll more than likely be unsociable. I'll probably go within the week or something though, I should at least once some time this month! Who knows though, maybe I'll change my mind in the next couple of hours.

 

@Taramere: Ski-ing actually sounds like a really great idea. For some months now, I've had an interest in taking a trip to Colorado (I live in the US) because I hear the night sky and the mountains there are amazing. I'm not sure when I'll find the time to make that kind of a trip with my studies and work but that's definitely 100% something I'd like to do soon. I'm hoping that when I'm older, this won't be that big of a deal as I'm making it.

 

@Imajerk17: Thanks for the gesture! Yeah, I know I'm in a far better place than I was around apocalypse day (BU day) which is why I know I'll feel way better Monday, or hopefully tomorrow. I guess when it comes down to things, my mood is just because of how I view a "21st birthday" and how mine didn't exactly come to that.

 

@Ifiknewthen: Thanks for the list of kind words. I agree with you. Even though I'm not exactly having the time of my life on my 21st birthday, I'm in a whole better situation than a lot of people around the world. I often think about this when I feel down (which is very rare, I'm usually a very optimistic person) and the gratitude in things makes me feel better. I think I'll stray away from the online dating but buying some lottery tickets and scratch offs for "luck" is something I wanted to do today. I'll definitely get an ice-cream cake and make myself a wish though.

 

@xxoo: I'm glad too that I didn't just keep this to myself all day, everyone's words definitely helped. I'll keep your words and everyone else's in mind and make a far better celebration for myself at a later time. Maybe then, I'll be more sociable to go out and have a drink to check that off my list of things I've wanted to do.

 

@Ieris: That's the way of thinking I should be thinking but for some reason it's hard not to. It's weird too since I'm usually not the type to compare myself to others or anything like that. Now that I think of it, I guess that's a bright side that I wasn't fresh out of a relationship this week, haha! It could be worse, it definitely could.

 

I definitely feel a lot better now. It'll still be awkward (I think) for me when later down the road people ask me what I did for my 21st but I'll live with it.

[Haydn]

Happy birthday!

[FancyFace]

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

[sober and dry]

Happy birtheday Loving Hearts!

Keep strong there and have a nice day

[Million.to.1]

Happy Birthday!

 

Postpone the birthday celebration 6 months and have one in the summer!

 

My birthday is in the dead of winter too. I got sick of trying to organise a group dinner or a party as people are sick, or cant be bothered leaving the house. One year, I just had a bbq in summer for my b'day instead. it was great!

[Hoosfoos]

Sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time right now. I don't question it, I understand completely. Just know that you're young, this is temporary, and you have SO much more life ahead of you.

[kendahke]

Happy birthday to you!

 

Here is a proactive thing you can do: determine where you want to be next year when your birthday rolls around and start working towards that goal.

 

When I turned 50, I was sitting on a beach in Negril Jamaica, with a drink in my hand. I decided at 48 1/2 that there was no way I was going to be sitting in my house, where it was cold outside, feeling sorry for myself on that day of all days if I could help it. I put all of my energies into making that happen and it was the best thing I ever did.

 

You're never too young to start realizing your bucket list.

[kendahke]

I stopped crying which is good but it'll probably be a bad reminder for me when my friends ask me later what I did on my 21st..

 

tell them you cleaned the attic, which is what crying is. You're getting a lot of stuff out of your head and heart and that is a good thing.

 

And it's ok to be a guy and to cry. You're not a robot or a rock. You do have feelings and sometimes, they hurt.