Kaiten Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I've made some major breakthroughs in life physically, mentally, and academically. I am convinced that I can do anything I set my mind to, and that I can endure any external hardship. But now, at 23, life is just boring to me. I've spent the past year and a half trying to achieve success, which has alienated me from my less-ambitious acquaintances. I am an annoying ENFP, always seeing the world as it could be. I recently moved from a city where I had friends who discouraged me to a city where I have no friends at all. I feel like I missed some stage of life at some point. I wonder how someone as outgoing and thrillseeking as I am could have 0 friends (or at least feel like I have 0 friends the majority of the time). I guess the only question that I would like to ask is: Can I just up and move out of the United States? I want to try living in another country. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 i dont know the logistics of it or your situation etc..like what you can afford...what job you seek... what language youre familiar with , or comfortable learning...etc. it might even be harder to make friends with a language barrier. however, i would never discourage following your dream. but i would advise traveling somewhere first to see if you like it and really get to know a place first. also, i know there is no where thats actually safe in the world to live today..but some places might be more unsafe than others. i think today the states might be your best bet. maybe try a smaller friendlier town where ppl are more close knit...have older values, if you want to make more intimate connections. i dont know really, its something u have to research for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 "No matter where you go, there you are." In other words, you recently moved to another city and it hasn't worked out so well for you. Moving to a different country is not going to be different because whatever is causing your current malaise will still be there and you will have the exact same issues. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted January 24, 2015 Author Share Posted January 24, 2015 I agree with you wholeheartedly CarrieT. But when thinking that, I just can't seem to pinpoint what the real problem is. I feel like its just that I haven't been patient enough in finding the people who will really do what they say they'll do. For the past year I've felt like I'm too much. Maybe I am. But that's how people get when they're excited. In the city I live in now, it's the same thing it's been since I was like 20. You make plans with someone and for whatever reason, the plans fall through. Over and over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I feel like its just that I haven't been patient enough in finding the people who will really do what they say they'll do. For the past year I've felt like I'm too much. Maybe I am. But that's how people get when they're excited. In the city I live in now, it's the same thing it's been since I was like 20. You make plans with someone and for whatever reason, the plans fall through. Over and over again. That is not going to change, that is life in my experience. Life often is not going to way we want. It is about learning to deal with the uncontrollable and find people who you trust enough to share your insecurities and wonders with. It is a life-long challenge, every day, with some very nice surprises in-between. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 I guess you're right. I don't really know if there is even anything I can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) Change on the outside can be interesting, but change on the inside is where the real fun is to be had. The universe on the inside is bigger than the universe on the outside. That being said, most people enjoy Europe Edited January 25, 2015 by Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Better to have no friends than to have people who drag you down. It is good to be selective with who you surround yourself with, choose those who bring value to your life. But at the same time you need to ask yourself : what value you bring to theirs? It's a two way thing x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 A friend of mine moved to Turkey, and is an English teacher there. He became a completely different person than who he was, when he was here. He seems more enlightened, and much more happy. I feel like our external environments impact our internal ones as well on some level. Definitely not suggesting you will be different, but if that's something on your mind - then it doesn't hurt to take a trip and see how you like it - if it's possible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. -Proust 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mario_C Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I relate to the OP, there's nothing worse than hating where you live and wanting to be somewhere else. There are so many issues to relocating, though - how are you going to find work? Friends? What is life like there? Will you really like it? The issues are compounded exponentially in moving overseas, where you don't really speak the language or understand local customs or etiquette. You've posted before about your struggle with depression, and perhaps living somewhere so alien to how you want your life to be is making it worse? Just a thought. PS you're 23 (I thought you were way older!) - of course you're going to be bored and antsy with everything. Patience and contentment take decades to learn. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 You could consider volunteer work overseas. Usually that entails food and accommodation and often pocket money. Someone close to me went to Italy, to be a volunteer on an organic farm. He was there for a year and came back very fit, speaking fluent Italian and able to cook beautiful Italian food. For the first two weeks he did an intensive course in the Italian language in Rome as part of the program. His travel was also paid for. He loved it. There are countless similar programs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Better to have no friends than to have people who drag you down. It is good to be selective with who you surround yourself with, choose those who bring value to your life. But at the same time you need to ask yourself : what value you bring to theirs? It's a two way thing x This is so true. I remember the night I left where I was from. I thought about the many times that my friends would ask advice and my input on their own life issues and I would encourage them to take the steps they needed to make the changes they wanted to see. I stayed up many nights with them out of the week every week. I knew what an excuse sounded like. I used to have what I thought were the best ones. They would make all these excuses, and so I was beginning to see my words fall on deaf ears. On top of that, they only wanted to hang out when they were good and ready, and had nothing else going on. When they found out I left, suddenly I was this terrible friend who just cast people aside and "thought of himself as a god", "only concerned with your own goals". I could literally show you guys a message thread where on Tuesday, I told my friend, "If my mother died, don't think I would be unavailable to you. You can always come to me anytime." and the next day (Wednesday), my friend had thrown a fit and told me, "You suck. You haven't learned how to be a true friend. You do a ton of taking and very, very, very little giving. You are all you ever think about and talk about." Of course, he later admitted he was exaggerating. But the fact that I had to deal with that... Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 @ Kaiten - I totally understand what you mean, I also am always there to listen to my friends when they have problems even if I've heard it a hundred times before. You can give them the tools and advice but they're the ones who have to take the first step. I think it is important for you to focus on your dreams and goals, your friend who said you're selfish needs to focus on his/her own life. You have a destination and you're on a journey to get there, anyone who holds you back should be tossed. Everyone is on their own journey and although people aren't going to the same destination, a friend will not stand in the way or make you feel guilty for trying to achieve your dreams. Just because they aren't going anywhere, they don't want you to either. Friends are people who you can grow together with, without growing apart. You're supportive of each other on the way up and even on the way down. I think it is unfair for him/her to say you only take and not give. Did you not give them your time when you was listening, give them advice and told them you will be there if he/she needs you. I don't talk to my friends all the time because everyone has their own thing going on but when we do talk, it feels like we just spoke yesterday. Drop all those stones because you will run faster without them. Once in a while you will come across a gem, those are the ones you hold onto x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I've made some major breakthroughs in life physically, mentally, and academically. I am convinced that I can do anything I set my mind to, and that I can endure any external hardship. But now, at 23, life is just boring to me. I've spent the past year and a half trying to achieve success, which has alienated me from my less-ambitious acquaintances. I am an annoying ENFP, always seeing the world as it could be. I recently moved from a city where I had friends who discouraged me to a city where I have no friends at all. I feel like I missed some stage of life at some point. I wonder how someone as outgoing and thrillseeking as I am could have 0 friends (or at least feel like I have 0 friends the majority of the time). I guess the only question that I would like to ask is: Can I just up and move out of the United States? I want to try living in another country. Kaiten, I am literally experiencing the same sort of emotion. Although I am enjoying life, I feel as though its growing stale here in Boston. I have strongly considered attaining my TEFL cert and teaching English overseas...namely Brazil or Colombia where I have many friends. Unfortunately I would have to take a break from school and quit my job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaiten Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Kaiten, I am literally experiencing the same sort of emotion. Although I am enjoying life, I feel as though its growing stale here in Boston. I have strongly considered attaining my TEFL cert and teaching English overseas...namely Brazil or Colombia where I have many friends. Unfortunately I would have to take a break from school and quit my job. You should post about it when you make your decision and why! Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 You should post about it when you make your decision and why! Kaiten, I have looked into it and I am definitely considering it, but I don't know if I will pull the trigger. With all the snow we have been getting up here in Boston, I am really looking to leave. Its such a huge commitment. I am moderately fluent in Portuguese and with the Olympics coming to Rio, they are looking for ESL teachers. Link to post Share on other sites
TaylorTrek Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 i feel you OP, there are lot of times i feel that way. Life for me is a god damn hell Boring as F*ck. Nothings happening. It's a same routine every now and then. Feels like my life have no direction to go. Meaningless and pointless. Sometimes, before closing my eyes to sleep, i always wish when i wake up, i want to be in a different body, different life, different country, different me. But then again, that was all fantasy, no matter how hard you try to turn your back from yourself, nothing will change if you can accept who you are. If you want a rainbow so badly, you have to deal with the rain. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I agree with you wholeheartedly CarrieT. But when thinking that, I just can't seem to pinpoint what the real problem is. I feel like its just that I haven't been patient enough in finding the people who will really do what they say they'll do. Are you referring to the incident you posted about some time ago, where you asked all your friends to help you work on your startup idea for free, and they either turned you down or agreed half-heartedly and faded later on? Anyway, I don't know if moving will help you in that aspect (most people do not want to work for someone else's idea without pay), but traveling is always beneficial. There are two major routes, the first being a Working Holiday Visa or WOOFFing where you work on farms, vineyards etc as you go. The second being teaching English (easier work than the usual WHV work, but usually only applies to developing countries). Link to post Share on other sites
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