Day 16 NC...asked out on a date am I ready?

[Avante91]

Hi guys.

My ex broke up with me 30/11/14 started playing mind games, being angry towards me and turning up places.

 

I went full NC 16 days ago today and I'm slowly starting to find myself again..

We were together 3 years so I'm not over the mountain just yet but I'm climbing slowly each day..

 

Randomly my ex ex (before my current ex let's call her ex2) [For reference we were together about a year and ended and have both moved on] has got in contact with me she's usually out of the country but she's back visiting and asked to meet up for a drink.

 

I know I owe my recent ex nothing or ex2 but the attention feels nice, we get along well and it might give ME a well needed confidence boost.

 

Do you guys think I should go for it, it's only a drink after all - or should I wait until I'm in a better place emotionally?

 

Sorry if I'm over thinking but it's what I'm used to!

 

Regards Avante

X

[Frank13]

If it's only for a drink, I don't see what they big deal is. If you still weren't over her or it was an actual date, I would say otherwise. However, you said you have both moved on so it's more like meeting an older friend.

 

If go. Tell us how it worked out.

[RedButton]

First of all, are you sure it's a date, or just catching up over a drink?

 

I can't answer for you in terms of how ready you are, and it also depends on how you see ex2. Are you capable of going out as a friend or is this purely romantic for you?

 

If you can see it as just going out for a drink and a fun night then it's probably a good idea. Otherwise it might just lead to hurt or confusion that you don't need right now.

 

Again, some things you'll have to be honest with yourself since you know how you feel better than any of us

[Avante91]

Frank13: I see it as only a drink. I do still find her very attractive but the emotions went long ago just happy memories, no resentment etc. We have both grown up a lot and pursuing our own careers.. im curious as to her intentions but I will take it at face value it's just a drink and see what she says.

I'm going to go and report back to you

 

RedButton: in my eyes it's just a drink and not a date. Me and ex2 were together like 4 years ago and since then she's moved away and travelled etc but she's home to see her family. I am attracted to her but no emotions I think I am capable of just a friendly drink.

 

However...please don't grill me for thinking like this:

 

My breakup with ex1 is still very raw. I am just starting to accept that it's over and she's not coming back..I feel like my emotions are all over.

I want to start socialising with girls to get my confidence back and realise that life goes on..I don't know why but with ex2 it seems effortless.

 

Fears:

1) Ex1s friends will see us and report back (I shouldn't care but I still respect her even though she doesn't want me in her life - yes I'm soft!)

2) Ex2 makes a move and im not ready and it's awkward

3) We both have a really nice night and catch up it takes my mind off of the breakup and gives me an ego boost.

 

At first I wanted Ex1 back but I'm starting to remember the bad times and I'm now unsure. I just want to focus on myself and improving my life and growing.

 

Sorry for how confusing this post may read, it probably reflects how confused I am!

 

X

[Itspointless]

Fears:

1) Ex1s friends will see us and report back (I shouldn't care but I still respect her even though she doesn't want me in her life - yes I'm soft!)

This sentence shows how much you really are over your recent ex. What you write between the brackets is your logical brain trying to reconcile things.

[Jimmyjackson]

I say go for it, it's just one date. If you don't enjoy yourself then don't go out again, I think it will do your confidence wonders if you know other people desire you