Coping tips?

[Adales910]

We broke up four days before christmas and she wanted to focus on herself and becoming a paramedic because she "couldn't make herself happy so how could she make me happy?"..I was her first girl and that presented other issues especially since she always hid our relationship and I never hung out with her friends in our 8 months together.I had been in two other serious relationships in my life and have not handled a breakup as poorly as this. She made a few poor attempts at breadcrumbs and I responded to the most recent one a week and a half ago. In the midst of our relationship I also found out that she gave me something (lets leave it at that) and I am stuck with it for the rest of my life and have to take medication now.

Without getting into more crazy details, this breakup has really destroyed me and I am struggling to find ways to cope with it. I haven't really had any support from any of my friends and I am not close with my family (they're not very understanding of the situation).

The part that scares me in all of this is that I have never felt so alone before. The two things keeping me going are the fact that I have a great job and I am in graduate school so i have those things to occupy a lot of my time.

 

I guess I am posting this thread as a way of asking for any help, any advice to cope with this because I find myself crying a lot and have very little people to express these emotions too. I completely lost myself caring for someone who never appreciated or respected me and I am struggling to find "me" again.

 

On a positive note, I am at day 11 of no contact and have completely cut her off on all social media and have gotten rid of pictures, other things that remind me of her.

[Cupid's Puppet]

Coming here is a great first step when you lack a good support system. I ended up registering on this site when I came across the "Post Here Instead of Contacting Your Ex" thread. Pure genius. Anyways, if you don't have anyone to talk to, you can always rant here and build online friends along the way.

 

 

You may also want to consider keeping an online journal where friends can comment. Continue to go to social events although we both know that during a breakup, you basically want to withdraw from people. These are all things that have been helping me along the way. But I really wish you had support outside of the internet because family and friends helped me the most.

[Satu]

Here are a few tips that helped me:

 

 

1. You're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. Thats not easy, but it helps.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

 

 

Good luck.

[ZiggyZoo]

I would urge you to seek a therapist, if at all possible. You're going to find some great support on here, but the biggest thing that got me over my worst breakup was my therapy. Especially since you don't have a lot of support from your friends or family. And, as a bonus, the things I learned there are helping me enormously with my latest breakup.

 

Other than that, I have nothing new to add, you've gotten some great advice already. Coming on here was a smart move, it helps so much to get the experiences of many others who have also been where you are. And who have come through it, like I know you can do. You're not alone on here, that's for sure!