polaske93 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I've maintained NC for almost 3 months now. I honestly never expected her to last this long without contacting me.. evendors though she has a new bf, she has major self esteem issues and insecurities and always maintains contact with any guy that's ever been with her.. I don't want her to come running back even though it would give me a good laugh.. honestly i just want an apology.. does this ever happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 The apology? Yes sometimes they do apologize but don't expect. If ever they do, it could take a very long time. In your case, your ex is still in the honeymoon phase of her new relationship, chances are she's not thinking of you right now. I wouldn't be surprised though if after the euphoria of this new rl fades she'll be contacting to apologize. You still sound that you're still expecting it. I would advice you to just to let it go because you might be waiting for something that might never come. Even if you don't realize it, you, expecting an apology from her is in part, still clinging to the past. You have to completely let go in order to move forward. Just my 2 cents. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 It would be wonderful if folks would apologize, yet one thing that seems to hold true is this, folks rarely apologize if their moral compass or level of social standards are under developed. Some folks are absolutely clueless when it comes to how their behavior or comments impacted anothers life.... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I sure would want my dumper to come back and apologize too, but seeing she had it planned and knows its gonna hurt me tremendously, she must have thought about it for so long. One day she just dropped it on my head and its done, I don't think she will ever come around to apologize, she had herself convinced, that I was a major mistake in her life. She does not want even to be reminded of the good things I did for her, she took it all out and threw it away, she has guilt issues and this is how she deals with it. (She's playing the victim and she's darn good at it) But I would very much like an apology from her... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 tough one. Here are my learnings: 1. expectations lead to disappointment. ALWAYS 2. most of the exs come back - unless you've really f*cked up 3. hardly any of the exs apologize. they sort of expect that only because they're back. for things to work. No apologies, no acknowledgement of any pain or wrong doing . Careful of manipulation with the apologies. 4. them getting someone new is a clear sign that the come back is not gonna happen. for me, this is a huge turn off and I would not want someone who played the field and then came to the conclusion that it's still better with me. Go out and date. Work out. Meet new people. Socialize. Work on yourself and do your best to NOT think about her. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Dobie Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 (edited) From reading the boards it seems more likely guy dumpers come back than females (guys always like to have a tap to hit ) Harsh but true . My x fiance dumped me in the most selfish cruel way no remorse only blame that type of dumper the immature its all you type has no sense of introspection so no apology no need for contact when they have a new supply . a mature feeling empathetic women yes I'd say chances are she will check in to see how u are Edited January 17, 2015 by Dobie Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I seem to be similar to you OP, I'm also around 3 months NC. I honestly do think my ex will reach out at some point because she has in the past with her other exes, but she's seeing someone at the moment so it won't be any time in the near future. I'm trying my best not to hope and move on with my life, I feel like I'm nearly there in the whole moving on process anyway. When I found out my ex was seeing someone, all I could think about was them having sex and it killed me...3 weeks later and I'm not really bothered and don't really think about it. The apology? my ex apologised when she broke up with me, yours might be back in touch, who knows. Live your life like you're running out of time and do the things you love doing I say. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 It would be wonderful if folks would apologize, yet one thing that seems to hold true is this, folks rarely apologize if their moral compass or level of social standards are under developed. Some folks are absolutely clueless when it comes to how their behavior or comments impacted anothers life.... I am finding out that folks who are very self-centered and/or selfish rarely apologize for anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I am finding out that folks who are very self-centered and/or selfish rarely apologize for anything. Honesty, Loyalty and Commitment is irrelevant to one who is no longer in Love, thus explains their behavior, Lying, Cheating and No Remorse. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Honesty, Loyalty and Commitment is irrelevant to one who is no longer in Love, thus explains their behavior, Lying, Cheating and No Remorse. Not necessarily. If a person has a well developed sense of morality they won't lie, cheat, and be unremorseful even if they fall out of love. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My ex came back unexpectedly after 3 months NC. No apology and I did not expect one because I never begged and pleaded to stay together. We caught up and did not talk much at all about the relationship, only some of the great memories and what we were doing. She was very interested in what I was doing dating wise. I did not question her. We've stayed in contact another few months. Nothing has come of it because I am more indifferent and I think she wants FWB and I wouldn't go there. She just wants to enjoy some of the good times we had and that's it. She ain't getting from me. That's for my next serious relationship. She did not bring up trying to get back together and neither did I. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Here's my experience: My wife told me explicitly to leave her alone. She said she wanted to "heal" and that she wanted to "separate herself from me." This was Sep. four months ago. Yes, she was the dumper. Yet, she has contacted me regularly. I found the strength to shut up and leave her alone and it was she who couldn't stand it. She has not "found someone else", and I don't know how that plays, but it can't be good. Anyway, I was able to actually predict when she would contact me. Always a weekend, rarely less than a week of NC, but never more than a week and a half. We saw each other Monday to sign papers and I knew she would contact me today...lo and behold!!! Right at 1:30. The answer to your question is if you maintain silence, she will almost certainly (I'd say over 99%) contact you eventually. It's human nature. Of course it depends on how long you were together, and how crappy the breakup was, but it's almost a sure bet. Just remember, she's hurting too. Don't let her new "relationship (which is bullsh*t and you know it)" fool you. Nobody goes from a full relationship to another so fast and really enjoys it. That said, don't let that go to your head. There is no hope most likely and don't get any false hope. Start looking for other women. I found that so hard. I didn't want any other women, but with time I have learned how to appreciate their attributes all over and forget my wife's. It's such a difficult process! Peace to you and I hope you find your inner strength to move on! Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hi Ken I hope your ok pal and the weekend is going ok for you or at least as well as can be expected, my wife did apologise to me she sadi she was sorry for hurting me, hurting me ? wtf was she talking about ?, she didn't hurt me she effing well mortified me to the point that I am depressed and in counselling for the grief she has caused me, do apologies really count or even matter when one has been treated so appallingly buy ones partrner ?. imho she can shove her apology where the sun doesn't shine because no words can ever ease what she has done to me, im not bitter, im not even angry, but I am disappointed and feel very let down by the person I have loved more than anyone in all my life and invested 20 years of my life in to. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 A lot of people aren't going to apologize because it means admitting a wrong. It's surprising how many people don't want to go down that road. You might get one of those flimsy apologies with no heart. But to truly get a sincere apology, most just aren't going to do it. Like Tayla said, some people are literally clueless and lack any empathy. Either way, it's best not to look for an apology to validate what you know happened. Link to post Share on other sites
FixItCris Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I guess the answer to this question is "sometimes". my ex wife who I was with for 7 years, emotionally cheated for 6 months then left me for the other guy. contacted me after 3-4 months of no contact, after I was with someone else and quite happy. My recent ex who emotionally cheated on me for 2 months before stringing me along for a month after the breakup with breadcrumbs until I busted her lies, has not. That was only a month or so ago since I went NC. So it really depends on the person I guess. I on the other hand really need to address my choice in women Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I don't know your back story but it seems a lot of people are asking dumpers to come back and apologize but for what exactly? For breaking it off or something else? If they cheated on you or otherwise wronged you then I understand the apology but if it's just because they broke it off then I don't think you should expect that. Some may come back and others won't. Either way you do eventually get to a point where it doesn't matter to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I don't know your back story but it seems a lot of people are asking dumpers to come back and apologize but for what exactly? For breaking it off or something else? If they cheated on you or otherwise wronged you then I understand the apology but if it's just because they broke it off then I don't think you should expect that. Some may come back and others won't. Either way you do eventually get to a point where it doesn't matter to you. This truly is where all dumpees need to get to and the sooner the better, then if the ex does come back you are indifferent and don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) Its only normal for dumpees to hope their dumper to comeback for whatever reason, curious, apology or reconciliation. Edited January 19, 2015 by bigtrouble Link to post Share on other sites
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