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One last shot at being with my ex [Updates]


lawbstar

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So it has been over a month now since my ex broke up with me. I believe I am definitely on the road to recovering and moving on from her. My urges to call/text her have somewhat died down. I feel as though we broke up because I did not have enough time for her. I was a very busy person before (not that I am not busy now), but I have made plans so that I will have more time in the future.

 

For example, this summer, I will either go to work so that I will not have to work during the year while I am still in university for the next few years, or I will take summer school so that my course load will not be as tough in the future. I feel that by doing what I am planning, I will have more time for her if she wants to be with me again, and if she does not want to be with me, then I will just have more time for myself and more time for relaxing.

 

My exams for this term will be done in a few weeks, and I was thinking of trying to meet with her so that I can tell her about what I am planning so that I would have more time with her if she still wants to be with me, but if she does not, then I will finally let her go and completely move on.

 

I just want to hear other people's suggestions and opinions about my thoughts. Thank you!

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I don't see any evidence that you will ever want to let her go. It is obvious that you really want her and trying to manage yourself as much as you can, mostly so that you can give some time to her.

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they say we regret more of the things we dont do..than the things we do. u have nothing to lose in my opinion, on talking to her about this concept.

 

so i say...go for it.

 

you will always know you tried. whether u get rejected or not.

 

and then you will on ly be a month behind but proud you did have the stength and love to ask.

 

 

good luck . i hope we find a winner on here. some things in life actually do work out. i still want to believe that.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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As an update, I saw my ex two days ago. I went over to her new place, and we just hung out for a little bit. Then, I talked to her about what I really wanted to talk about before I left.

 

I told her about how I feel about how she broke up with me. I told her that I am thinking one of two things. First, I feel like she did not really love me anymore when she broke up with me even though she said she still did because if she did, then she still would have wanted to be with me, or second, I feel like she did really love me, but because I was really busy with my academics, she did not want to come between me and my studies, but instead of telling me about that, she decided to break up with me to give me space. If the second one is the case, then maybe not now, but I would like to try again. I told her about how I have made adjustments to my life so that I have more time now and will have more time in the future. These changes are not just for her, but they are also for me so that if she does not want to be with me, I will have more time to relax too. Then, she told me about how she still cared about me. She said that she did not want a boyfriend right now because she is currently working more than 40 hours a week, but she is okay with hanging out with me. Then, before I left, we hugged, and I kissed her on the cheek.

 

At first, I was little sad because she did not want to get back right away. However, after some more thought about this matter, I feel as though I know what I want to do next. I want to talk to her about possibly casually dating each other. I want to start over with her. I want to go back to where we were before we were together. I want to go back to the chase, and then wherever we go from there is where we will be. However, if she is not up to this idea, then I will know that I went in the wrong direction, and I will keep going with improving myself and taking more time for myself.

 

I would like to know what others think of my idea, and thank you for reading!

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SoThatHappened
She said that she did not want a boyfriend right now because she is currently working more than 40 hours a week, but she is okay with hanging out with me.

Are you okay "hanging out" with her while she possibly dates others?

 

Just because she doesn't want a boyfriend (as she says), doesn't mean she doesn't want to potentially hook up with others.

 

I would stay away, but that's me.

 

- You told her what you had to say

- You gave it another shot

- Things are amicable

 

You have no regrets if you walk away. You can't make someone want to be with you.

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i say its worth one last shot, at least then you know but after this you need to accept this is closure and move on. i went through through and did this exact thing sadly nothing happened but i accepted it was done and moved on. time heals these kind of wounds, stay strong.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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It has been over two months since my ex broke up with me. About a week after the breakup, I called her and asked her to watch a movie with me. She asked me if I was asking her out on a date. I did not know what to say, so I said no. She promised that she would watch that movie with me before we hung up. Now, two weeks ago, I asked her if she was free to watch that movie with me because it just came out. I am also good friends with her sister, and her sister told me that my ex has been seeing this one particular guy a lot. My ex never replied to my text, and I have decided that I should no longer try to contact her. I am currently a bit past 2 weeks of no contact with my ex.

 

A few days ago, I went on a little road trip with a couple of my close guy friends. On the way back, I am not exactly sure why, but I think it was because of a mixture of too much testosterone and desire for adventure, but I ended up driving 160km/h and got caught. Now, my license has been suspended and vehicle impounded for a week. I feel like I am at a new low. I am scared about how things can turn out on my court date although it is my first offense. I realize now that what I did was wrong, but I do not really know whether my emotional stress from the breakup could have been a factor to my dangerous driving too.

 

I do not really know what I am asking for with this post, but I just want to hear other people's opinions on my situation. I am just feeling very down and low, and I think that has something to do with the time of year.

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ThreeYearsDumb

I'm sorry you are going through this. The time of year can certainly play a part. The past two weeks have been very emotionally charged and reek havoc on our broken hearts. I wouldn't be surprised if the break up had something to do with the driving. It is important to recognize what is out of character for you. the post break up period is a great time for self reflection. You can heal yourself by taking the reigns of your life, focusing on the things you like to do, and learn a lot about what makes you tick. I think it is also important to take it easy on yourself. You don't want compound a crappy period in your life by drinking too much or getting in trouble.

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Years ago I had just purchased an expensive(to me) sports car after my divorce. I had to leave town for a week the day after the purchase. I left the car with my brother and he dropped me at the airport. Upon my return and on my 3hr drive home, I decided to see what it would "do" rounded the turn,on the interstate,and there sat the police!. Clocked me at 136mph in a 65 zone! I explained my current 'mental state' and he could see the car was new. Lucky for me he dropped it down to an 89mph citation as he was currently going through a divorce himself. Oh to be young again! :laugh: It'll be alright..stuff happens.

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You just got carried away - chalk it up as a learning experience.

 

As a first offence, you can say it was out of character, and ask for leniency.

 

We learn as we go...

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I just wanted to post an update on how I am doing and how I am feeling.

 

About two weeks after my initial post for this thread, I was really stupid and ended up texting her asking if she would want to watch this movie that she promised to watch with me before. She ended up totally ignoring me and did not answer the text. Also, a few days after that, I talked to her sister for a little bit, and her sister told me that she has been seeing this guy from work a lot recently. At the time, that really made me snap. I was thinking that she had the time to hang out with this one particular guy a lot, but she told me that she did not want a boyfriend at the time and did not even reply to my last text? I was furious and really hurt. Luckily, after that, I went to some close friends for help and to cool me down. Talking to my friends really helped a lot. After that night, I feel like something really shifted in me. A big part of me no longer saw her as the perfect person I thought she was. She seemed a lot uglier as a person to me after that night, and I am glad that happened to me.

 

Now, it has been about a month of NC since then. Quite a bit has happened since then. I was lucky enough to be able to completely occupy myself on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve to the point where I did not have a chance to call her at all despite the strong urges. I went on a small road trip with friends too. However, that ended badly because I ended up getting my first speeding ticket along the way back, and it was a pretty big ticket too. Two weeks after the ticket, I feel like I have learned my lesson though. About my ex, I still have some urges to contact her, to see how she's been doing. Sometimes I feel like I might even be able to be friends with her. Luckily, I have been able to change my mind before I did anything stupid. About an hour ago, I really wanted to call or text her to see how she was doing, but when I looked at my phone, I just thought nah. She is not worth telling the time of day to.

 

I also started going to the gym last week since school started up again. It really gives me something else to look forward to since school can be a downer sometimes, and the pain and soreness that I feel after really makes me feel like I am trying hard to improve my life, and that makes me happy and puts me at ease :).

 

I am not sure what I want to hear from others, but I appreciate everyone that has helped me. I am seeking acceptance of how my life currently is, indifference to my ex, and happiness. I know that I am still not exactly where I want to be, but after looking through my older posts and threads, I definitely feel like I am going somewhere :).

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@lawbstar - I am glad to see you are making progress.

 

When you start to find your ex ugly, that is a good sign! It means the rose tinted glasses are coming off. I remember going through that phase and the thought that I kissed him kind of makes me sick. If I bump into him on the street, I might start to retch haha (for me it really helps to see the funny side of things).

 

It's funny what family and friends say to you after a break up. As you're no longer in a relationship, they can give their honest opinion of what they think of your ex. It is eye opening and it is good that you have your close friends there to comfort and support you. I remember mine saying how unattractive my ex is and was surprised I went for him as he's not even my type. How I was so much happier before I met him, my mum hugged me hard when I saw the light and let go of that loser. It really is great to have a support system, it makes you realize how some people are much more worthy of your love and time than those who just bring nothing but misery to your life.

 

I got over my break up quite a while ago now but during that time I often asked myself, "Why do want someone who doesn't want you?"

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I am at about 3 months post BU now. Recently, I have had strong urges to want to see how she is doing. Yesterday, I thought about texting or calling her, but when I looked at my phone, luckily, I did not want to contact her anymore. I am also at about 1 month NC now. It was hard especially during Christmas and New Years. I have just felt really down these past few days. Something that has been lingering on my mind is that, why does it feel like I am not worth fighting for? Most of the times that I have talked to her since the BU have been initiated by me. It feels like this meant more to me than it does to her. I feel like I should not be thinking this way because when I find someone who deserves my love, they will always fight for it. On the other hand, maybe we were just too immature and the circumstances were not right for us to be together anymore. Anyhow, school has also started for me again since last week, and I have been having trouble so far getting back into rhythm. I feel like I haven't found the motivation yet to want to do well again. However, I am sure that school and my academics will not be a problem as it never has been.

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Well, I certainly feel for you. It's hard what you're going through, I have been there. I think you just have to let things go for the moment and see where the future leads if you truly want to get back together with her.

 

Some people here seem to have knee jerk reactions to other's stories ("Get over her now. It's over. Walk away forever", "She was into another guy", etc). A lot of this advice comes from places of personal rejection which results in black and white thinking in which these advice givers project their own hurts onto others. They fail to take into account individual circumstances, differences in other people's personality and views, etc. So I would highly recommend you take this type of advice with a large grain of salt. You didn't give a ton of information here, I don't even know who broke up with who and why. So I would hate for you to take bad advice from someone jaded.

 

Here's my two cents. For now….respect her decision, allow her to initiate any conversation, and begin to get your life back. She's just not there right now. Go out and do what makes you happy even if you feel like sitting at home. Talk to other women, even just lightly. It will give you a confidence boost if anything. No one knows what the future holds with you and her, but for now it's over (and may be indefinitely). Focus on becoming a better man right now, with or without her. It sounds like you have done all you can to fight for her, now put the ball in her court and see if she'll do the same. Just don't have high expectations. In fact have no expectations.

 

Sometimes life just sucks and there's only so much you can do. Pain is inevitable. Just practice a lot of acceptance.

Edited by Cedar27
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I think it's normal to feel a relapse around one month in. It's when you start to really feel like they're gone I guess.

 

I'm about 2.5 months after breakup (immediate no contact, nothing since the breakup). I still have those moments of missing her, but it gets easier.

 

Just take it one day at a time, give yourself some space. You don't have to feel like you'll NEVER contact her again right now, but just keep thinking of it one day at a time. It helped me at least. Instead of thinking "I'll never see her again as long as I live" I just thought. "I won't contact her today. I won't Contact her tomorrow."

 

3 months later, I still feel like I can contact her and be mature about it. I have a few things I want to say, but I need to know myself, hand on heart, that I won't be doing it to get her back or it won't result in me being gutted. I need to sort out my own feelings.

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If you have urges to text/call her then may I suggest you change her name to "Don't even think about it" on your phone. It's good to set these reminders here and there for when you have moment of weaknesses x

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Thank you all for your input. I have deleted her number from my phone, but I still remember her number, so that does not help too much -_-. It was 3 months yesterday since the break up. About 1 month NC. I feel like I'm finally starting to realize that I've lost her. Before, I have always had hope that she would come back. However, now I feel like I need to let that go, but that is extremely hard. Ever since I feel like I realized that I lost her, I have had strong urges to want to call her and see how she's doing. I guess this urge comes from still wanting to be with her and wanting to save what we had so that I won't lose her, but I've already lost her. It hurts so much when I think that I was not worth fighting for anymore to her. I still wish she would call or text me, but I know I need to let that go. I realized a few days ago that I need to really let her go to better myself and move on, but I am feeling really low.

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