Brokenguy22 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 So one of our mutula friends got married and my ex was there at the pre wedding stuff. So I saw her car first so i knew she was there. My heart dropped into my stomach for a second. Anyway go in I didn't even look for her my brother told me she saw us and stuff. So then we had to go to a second house and then she was there too later, I saw her there walking by my back was turned when she walked by me. So then later I didn't realize she was at the table by the door to enter the home since it was in the back yard. And she smile like and said "hey" and I just smiled like that and just walked past her. Now, why do I feel guilty I did that to her? It kept waking me up last night after I got home and made me very emotional. No I am not fully healed or over her. She is most likely going to be there tomorrow too at the reception. So what do I do? Ignore or her talk to her? My friends who know the whole story said talk to her if I do want her back. Which I do. Please advise !!! Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 By all means talk to her if you want. Be casual and be polite, confident. If it feels wrong to ignore her, then talk to her. But be prepared for it to hurt. Be prepared for it to be awkward and painful and maybe not be the conversation you want. If you don't talk to her you might regret it but it very well could set you back and make you feel worse. I have to see and talk to my ex because we have a kid and I always have to steel and prepare myself that it won't go the way I want. Level set those expectations but if you want to talk to her then do so. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 You did fine. Go tomorrow and just be aloof and distant. If she wants to talk to you, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenguy22 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Share Posted December 27, 2014 But won't that make her not want to talk to me tho? I swore I saw like tears in her eyes when she said hey and then maybe even saw her looking around to see where I was I left way before the gathering ended though so not sure about what happened after. Ugh i feel sick to my stomach just seeing her heh I can barely eat n feel like throwing up again like the start. I just feel I was very cold to her but I know I should not since she was cold to me after breaking up. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 (edited) Brokenguy, first I wish to say I truly feel for you since I am in a similar boat. The past is past. You reacted as you did and there's no changing it, but you can react differently tomorrow. If you see her, do what's in your heart. That's what I feel everyone should do. If it's wrong, at least you know you did what you felt (which may be the reason for your reaction today.) The reality is that things will most likely not go well, so be prepared if you decide to be kind. She may even be building up a grudge from today's encounter (likely) and will NOT want to be friendly due to self preservation. Even if they go well, you will probably be in for a let-down in the coming days, so be prepared for that too. I saw my wife Christmas eve day and it was f**king wonderful! But, there was a proportional let-down afterward. If anybody asked me if it was worth it, I'd say Hell yeah!! I was in a cesspool of feeling anyway, so what does one more let-down mean compared to a great feeling for an hour and a half?? There it is. Take it for what it's worth. I think if you don't grab for the golden ring, you will never get it. Ken Edited December 27, 2014 by kenmore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenguy22 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Share Posted December 27, 2014 Thanks Ken! I see what you mean and even me just smiling and walking past her was just something that happened in a second. I didn't even know she was standing there till I got up to her and she said hey. So it was just an impulse reaction. But I am sure she will not be happy if I do talk tomorrow heh. We will see I like what you said at the end though about the golden ring! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 You're welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenguy22 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 Okay s she was there with her cousin. So it was about 2 hours before we were both there before I approached her while the dancing was going on. Greeted her cousin first cause she was looking at me smiling and then her and told her I didn't even realize it was her last time loo. And she said it's okay don't worry about it. Then just asked if she's having fun and stuff and I said yeah and asked her and she said yeah and then cool. And then she said ok well have the good rest of the night. We were both there till end. Dancing me harder tho since it was My culture songs . I wasn't paying attention to her but my mom was there and said she and her cousin were looking at me again and again. So now my question is what do I do now lol? Message her so time this week? Please advise ? Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 I really don't think you should do anything. If she has any intentions toward you, let her make her move. I fear that you chasing her is only going to push her further away and inflate her ego. I apologize that may not be what you want to hear but that is my 2 cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted December 28, 2014 Share Posted December 28, 2014 Agreed lil hoodlum. The ball is in her court now. If she's interested, she'll contact you and she probably will. Funny. My wife asked me to give her space. To loose her number, but she contacted me like clockwork. I even predicted the day and approximate time she would, and she did without fail. It is a much better feeling to have them contact you than trying to contact them and being shot down!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenguy22 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 You are right but what if she feels I'll turn her Down? So she won't bother contacting me.Because every time our eyes met at the reception she looked nervous and sad and would avoid looking at me when I was looking at her. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 You are right but what if she feels I'll turn her Down? So she won't bother contacting me.Because every time our eyes met at the reception she looked nervous and sad and would avoid looking at me when I was looking at her. Well, she had no problem turning you down right? So maybe she needs to "feel" what it's like to really realize what she turned away, doesn't she? Being the weak little wallflower isn't going to get you where you need to go here. You need to chill and let her make the leap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenguy22 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 So if she does not make the leap then just indefinitely let it be? I hate it because before seeing her I was fine but my stomach now is in a knot I can barely eat but am not like depressed just can't eat and feel sick heh. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 If she isn't willing to make the leap, what makes you think she willing to put fourth more effort for the two of you? Do you somehow want to "convince" her to come back and just go through the motions with you when her heart really isn't into it? Link to post Share on other sites
Dmoney28 Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 I read your post, and threads....and first off I want to say I understand and feel your discomfort, confusion and frustration. I was in a similar situation years ago. So what I say, please take with a grain of salt. You should have not went to this event, unless you were 100% over this young lady. You shouldn't have put yourself in that situation...period. Your emotional well being and stability should have come first. Its obvious you are not over her, and seeing her and talking to her has only brought up the "what ifs". If you guys are broken up...then you are just that, not together anymore. The only way for you to get over her is to be a complete and utter mystery...a ghost, phantom, or whatever. What good has come from seeing her? or having that brief conversation? now you have questions and doubts. My best friend got married a while back, and both me and my Ex where invited and to be part of the wedding. This was 5 months after the break up. After months of NC, I told him I couldn't go....then she told the bride she couldn't go. We could not be in the same building together, as it would have been awkward, painful and unsettling. I say cut your losses, and move on with yourself. God speed on your recovery. Time, patience and self respect is the only cure to heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 So if she does not make the leap then just indefinitely let it be? I hate it because before seeing her I was fine but my stomach now is in a knot I can barely eat but am not like depressed just can't eat and feel sick heh. Yes, because you aren't able to be her friend right now. Look at how much you are freaking out right now. You need to keep yourself out of harm's way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts