Christmas Blues, feeling down

[DaisyDew]

Hey everyone

First of all, Happy Christmas/ seasons greetings/ Happy holidays!

 

So yesterday was my ex's birthday, adding even more to the emotions of this time of year! He broke up with me about 3 months ago, and after a tiny bit of attempted contact (on his part) in the first month I stopped all contact (without forewarning him as I was getting flustered about how to reply) I then deleted him on Facebook etc etc. it was a break up I never saw coming, after 4 lovely years together, and can only think it's because he has just moved abroad and got too swept up in things being new and he felt he'd grown apart from me or something.

Last Friday I decided to write him a 'nice, happy' letter saying thankyou to him for his support when I was unwell during our time together, and saying thankyou for the lovely memories and that I hope things are going well for him etc. I finished the letter by saying how it would be lovely to become friends again one day in the future if fate wills it so, but until then... signed moi.

I dropped the letter to his parents house (who I got on brilliantly with) before he arrived there for Christmas on Monday night. I stopped for a lovely chat, and despite nearly having a panic attack when I walked through their front door, was actually really pleasant to see them again without him there, to clear the air etc. I also dropped him a birthday card from me and my family that he would have opened yesterday.

 

My only bluesy feeling is that he hasn't messaged to say thankyou for the letter or card, which felt a bit hurtful even though I know I shouldn't let it hurt me at the end of the day. It's just we went through so much together and I guess I still can't believe he's gone and thrown all that away for what to me feels like no reason ! We have many friends in common who I haven't seen since the break up but who he would have spent last night partying with to celebrate his birthday. I just feel kind of lonely now as its like I've lost friends too, and I'm cut off from them, and part of me worries what he's told them about the break up now, as initially one of his closest friends didn't even know we had broken up apparently!

What do you guys think? Am I right not to message him a happy christmas or a hello etc and just leave it?

 

Has anyone been through similar feelings?

 

DaisyDew xx

[scatterd]

I feel for you my husband of 21 years did the same.I am having a hard day try to relax the day is almost over.Maybe by next year we will have a better holiday.Its hard to understand but I have to believe God has his reasons.Big Hugs

[DaisyDew]

Hi scatterd thanks for your reply. Yeah it's certainly a tough time. I keep thinking the same, there's good things ahead, and just because we can't see what's beyond the horizon doesn't mean that they're not there. Sending my thoughts and best wishes. X

[kenmore]

Hi Daisy,

 

Same.

 

Feeling really low today. Trying to put a big fat smile on for those around me, and feeling a huge empty area in my heart.

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. One comfort I have been able to eke out for myself today (and it's bittersweet, believe me) is how great last Christmas was to me. Then, knowing that's how much changed in a year, then knowing it can change that much again in another year.

 

When my first wife died in early 2007, the following Christmas was just so painful. We had been married for 17 years, and I felt incredibly alone. then in 2008, I met my current wife and remember how wonderful Christmas that year was! One year, totally different feel.

 

We will get through this difficult day, all of us, and need to tell ourselves that by next year, we will be happy again! Then, make it happen!

 

And regarding your original post, since you sent him a letter and a card, the ball is in his court. If he does not reach out to you to at least say thank you for your thoughtfulness, then you have nothing to feel badly about. I'm sure 99.9% of the people here would say Hell no! Don't contact him again today (unless he texts you first), and try to stay strong. You are not alone.

 

Ken

[RedButton]

It's been 2 months since the breakup for me, and 2 months no contact. I actually had a pretty good Christmas.

 

This is the second Christmas I've had to spend alone, since I'm in a new country, none of my family are here and all my friends are with their families.

 

I know I was looking forward to spending Christmas with my girlfriend this year, but it didn't work out that way. I went to church in the morning and made myself a great lunch, just relaxed in the afternoon with a beer and movie.

 

This evening I started to feel a bit down, but I'll skype with the family again and wish them a Merry Christmas, should lift my spirits a bit. I started thinking about my ex and then started hating on myself like I wasn't good enough, even though I shouldn't be thinking like that. I have a lot of issues with self-esteem and I keep blaming myself or hating on myself. I'm trying to cheer myself up again now though.

 

I was on the fence about sending a Xmas message too. I won't do it today, I might consider it on her birthday which is coming up as a sort of 'catch all Xmas & Bday message'. I might not send anything and give her space.

 

Advice on here seems to be firmly in the 'DON'T SEND HER ANYTHING, EVER!!', so I'm inclined to listen to that for now.