A year later, still not healed.

[straughairium]

Hi everyone! Last November, my long term boyfriend broke up with me, without much closure. It wasn't so much the breaking up, as the way he treated me, and what he did, which hurts me even now. Sounds really pathetic, when I think about it. Basically, we've not had any contact since March, when I deleted him and no longer continued our 'friendship'. I won't bore you all with the details of what happened between November and March, but many of you probably know how difficult it is to end a relationship outright when you're still meeting up.

 

Anyway. He's tried to get in touch with me since then, with texts such as 'I don't miss you', or group messaging myself and my male friends and asking if we want to meet up. My male friends used to be his friends, but now want nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, I still find myself thinking about him, not in a romantic light, just in general. I often find myself looking at his facebook, as well, and I really don't have any idea why. Perhaps it is the lack of closure which causes me to. Not only that, I feel just, I don't know. I've only been with one person and it makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me? Why am I not wanted? I don't want to be with lots of people... but rather, I would like to stop feeling 'damaged' and move on and allow people to be intimate with me again, instead of shutting people out. I'm not very good with people, and have few friends as I am very introverted in real life and find it difficult to say the things I want to, or to meet new people. I don't know what I'm really asking of anybody reading this, except any advice for moving on with my life would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I am stuck in a rut with this aspect of my life, whereas most of the other parts are doing okay. I just, suppose I have quite low self confidence at the minute. I don't know.

 

This post is incredibly confusing, I'm so sorry, but feels good to type it out.

[guest569]

Hey it's almost the 1 year mark for me too and I have yet to heal. I am also very introverted and have suffered with low self esteem since the breakup. It was my first ever relationship and I have since had 1 brief relationship but he dumped me for the same reason 'not falling in love' which makes me feel like I just can't be loved.

 

Unfortunately the only thing I can think that will help is time. You've said that most other parts of your life are going ok, continue to focus on that. I tried to put myself out there and make new friends through meetup group which helped, and set projects and tasks for myself to improve my confidence. Getting up on stage for karaoke, taking up a new hobby, minor renovations, focusing on career. I think if you socialise a lot and gain new skills you will not feel like you are in a rut. I doubt this was helpful but basically I am in a similar boat and here if you want to talk.

[SycamoreCircle]

Close to a year myself. Bad bad bad breakup. Still deal with feelings of anger, guilt, sadness, release. Mostly anger. I have plenty of confidence, on the other hand.

 

OP, one thing I can tell you is STOP LOOKING AT HIS SOCIAL MEDIA. Seriously, it is as bad as having a conversation with him. Set a goal for yourself: 1 week/Pure NC. Build on that.

[straughairium]

Hey guys, thanks for the support. I guess it makes sense just to focus on the finer details in my life, I have good friends but I don't see my very best friends as much as I would like due to us all being at uni. I just need to focus on my degree and stop being so pathetic, especially with looking at his facebook. I think I've just felt doubly upset this weekend because it was his brother's wedding, and I was supposed to attend before we split up. Anyway. Hope you both feel better soon as well, really appreciate the responses.