Photofinish Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Hey guys . Some of you may remember me , others not. A few months ago (July) the guy I was deeply in love with decided to abandon me about a week after my father passed away. He began to ignore me , play with my head, try to manipulate me into doing sexual favors and saying he was dumping me because I wasnt ready for sex yet (I'm a virgin. So was he. We were together for 6 months and I was getting ready to become sexually active but changed my mind when my father passed). I just wasnt ready and through out our relationship he always lied and said I could take my time and it wasnt a problem. Bull ****. After the break up he met a girl 2 weeks later online and lost his virginity to her. I was devastated.My father died while On vacation and I came back early for emotional support from him but I got the opposite. My ex best friend also came into my life and left at the same time . My father's dead shook the family and my sister and me stopped talking . My mother became hateful of me. I became severely depressed. I stopped eating, bathing, going outside for about a week. I cried randomly. I would wake up every morning at 6 am . It was terrible and the absolute worse time of my life. Fast forward to now I no longer want him back. I no longer miss him. I want nothing to do with him. I want no information on his life . I'm as okay as I can be mentally. I eat and sleep well. I see people , I have fun. I've formed a mini family among my friends. I've done alot of things and I am much happier however... Sometimes I randomly have flash backs of my ex and it throws me off . It makes me super anxious when I replay in my head the things he said "(My name here) is mourning and I can no longer help her" . I dont know why it happens. It's really weird. Sometimes I'll be walking pretty calmly and it happens. I'll get a vivid flashback and it leaves me breathless. This also happens when I think about my dad and when I saw his life less body. Okay. my dad I can understand why it happens. I've yet to face the fact that he is dead. It hasnt really fully hitten me yet but my ex? What the heck? Sometimes I'll be in bed and it hits me and ill start crying . Another thing. I'm terrified of dating . I've recently started falling for a friend at school. Another friend of mine told him and he jumped at the chance to ask me out. We havent gone out on a date yet but we are talking everyday via messenger (I'm 22 and he is 19. Yikes!lol) . I never wanted him to know I had a thing for him because I feel like he will hurt me . I keep telling my friends "I cant offer him what other girls can" (sex) because I want to take my time before I become sexually active with a guy. I was trying to get over it and I think it was working until he asked me out on a date =/ . He knows i'm really conservative when it comes to that and that I am a virgin (From group conversations ). I'm so scared. I feel like he is out of my league and that I am not good enough for him. He told my friend that he thinks im super cute and passionate but then said "I'm worried I cant add anything to her life like what can I offer her?" it was weird. I feel like I'm not worthy. Worthy of anyone really. I dont want a repeat of my last relationship but I cant stay away from him . He is just so adorable and fun to talk to ... Also.. I sorta let myself go . I gained some weight (I'm skinny but now have a gut) and stopped dressing nice. What the heck. I'm embarrassed I let someone impact my life so badly . Anyone have any advice about these flashbacks? (I see a therapist already . Havent told her about this yet though) Advice on raising self esteem? Ive been trying new makeup and nail art and such. I dont have a job right now so I cant afford clothing. Link to post Share on other sites
seany25 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 First of all I'm really sorry to hear about your daddy. I hope you are keeping strong.. That said... I feel like he is out of my league and that I am not good enough for him. He told my friend that he thinks im super cute and passionate but then said "I'm worried I cant add anything to her life like what can I offer her?" Omgg how super cute is this!? The both of you think that you're not good enough for each other haha! It gives me the mental image of 2 love sick teenagers who are shy as hell with their friends trying to physically push them together but their pretending to be all reluctant & blushing but really they just want to embrace I think you should have a date with him. Let him take you on that date. Maybe he is just what you need to lift you up right now following what you have been through. Not all guys are like your horrible ex. Good luck girlie xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Photofinish Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 First of all I'm really sorry to hear about your daddy. I hope you are keeping strong.. That said... Omgg how super cute is this!? The both of you think that you're not good enough for each other haha! It gives me the mental image of 2 love sick teenagers who are shy as hell with their friends trying to physically push them together but their pretending to be all reluctant & blushing but really they just want to embrace I think you should have a date with him. Let him take you on that date. Maybe he is just what you need to lift you up right now following what you have been through. Not all guys are like your horrible ex. Good luck girlie xx Thank you , Seany I do feel like I'm back in high school! It's actually really funny. I cant even look at him because I get really shy and nervous and we kinda just play around. Haha. I dont even know why he feels he isnt good enough. I dont have much going on XD .I will go on a date with him but in the back of my mind all these things run through my head and if it ever goes anywhere then I will def be faced with a making a choice. Thanks again =) Link to post Share on other sites
seany25 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Thank you , Seany I do feel like I'm back in high school! It's actually really funny. I cant even look at him because I get really shy and nervous and we kinda just play around. Haha. I dont even know why he feels he isnt good enough. I dont have much going on XD .I will go on a date with him but in the back of my mind all these things run through my head and if it ever goes anywhere then I will def be faced with a making a choice. Thanks again =) You don't have much going on at the minute? So what. None of us are superheroes & most people lead pretty normal lives What you're doing is overthinking everything. You're future projecting whether it's going to go well or not & are putting yourself under unnecessary pressure that you might have to "make a choice" ? Come on sweetie lol just chill & don't think about what is or isn't going to happen.You just need to relax & go with the flow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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