LostConfused123 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Wow! Been over a year since I joined this forum. It's been almost 3 months NC yet AGAIN! My fault entirety. I take full responsibility for the pain I'm still in. I fall for his breadcrumbs he sends every two or three months. Although, one of them, (3rd or 4th "round") I've lost count, was one helluva crumb. Anyway, there's really no point I want to make except that I feel for everyone going through this horrid and sickening journey. I have seen a couple "regulars" from back then. Itspointless and mtnbiker. You guys were always awesome. Hope you're doing well. Part of me wants to say, don't be as stupid as I was falling for crumbs because had I stayed strong I would most likely be over this. Or much further. But another part of me is glad because I got some sort of closure even though I'm still in deep pain. Does that make sense?? lol. I'm truly sorry for everyone's pain reading this. I wish you all the best of luck in healing and happy holidays! I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Yes it makes sense that you had some relief during the times when you were still having pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Thank you. Sometimes none of this makes sense even to me. The time apart is strict NC. No mutual friends, no social media (thank God) about 40 miles distance so running into him is highly unlikely. I even changed my number. There was no abuse or anything like that. We truly care about each other. If you asked him, he would have nothing but good things to say about me, and I him. He's the one that would seek me out each time but I'm the one that would respond eventually so I'm no victim. Just one of those things I guess. I have to let him go but at the same time I wish him a great life. I was going to say it might be easier to let go if he was a jerk but I don't know, breakups just suck all the way around. I don't think there's an "easy" way or short cut for any of us. Peace everyone <3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) Wow! Been over a year since I joined this forum. It's been almost 3 months NC yet AGAIN! My fault entirety. I take full responsibility for the pain I'm still in. I fall for his breadcrumbs he sends every two or three months. Although, one of them, (3rd or 4th "round") I've lost count, was one helluva crumb. Anyway, there's really no point I want to make except that I feel for everyone going through this horrid and sickening journey. I have seen a couple "regulars" from back then. Itspointless and mtnbiker. You guys were always awesome. Hope you're doing well. Part of me wants to say, don't be as stupid as I was falling for crumbs because had I stayed strong I would most likely be over this. Or much further. But another part of me is glad because I got some sort of closure even though I'm still in deep pain. Does that make sense?? lol. I'm truly sorry for everyone's pain reading this. I wish you all the best of luck in healing and happy holidays! I Hello LostConfused123, thank you very much for your sweet remark, that means a lot to me! I am really sorry to hear that you are hurting this much again, you really not deserve that. I can Imagine that it was very tempting to be in contact. The last time I heard of her was more than eight months ago. I than wrote her a letter that her short messages and not knowing what to expect did not work for me. She answered that she understood, and that was it. I thought it had dashed my last hope. I finally was certain that she had convinced herself of her truth, but still I notice a tiny voice within myself. It is something new to me that some people just can push emotions to oblivion (I was familiar with dissociation, not this). I never wanted to get over her but being the only one to remember us does not help me one bit further. Luckily I do feel much better these days. But searching for someone else still does not attract me at all. I also still feel tempted to check her facebook, but I have never done it. I do not expect anything good from it. Reality can be very dissapointing. You know, DownTown is right the push-pull dynamic we both experienced really makes that other person very addictive. As we both are certain that sweet and caring person we fell in love with is still somewhere hiding in that person. But I guess we will never see those people entirely again. Edited December 20, 2014 by Itspointless 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Itspointless, glad you are feeling better, but definitely sorry you're still hurting. So glad you don't check her Facebook. I think that would be the ultimate heart shredder. I would rather put a hand grenade in my chest than see his life without me. I mean I want him to be happy but I don't want to see images that I'll never forget. Stay strong! I'm feeling much better these days too. I remember you and I were hurting BAAAAAAD!!! LOL! not really funny but so happy we are both at the tail end of this nightmare. (I hope) Blessings to you for a safe and happy holiday! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Itspointless, glad you are feeling better, but definitely sorry you're still hurting. So glad you don't check her Facebook. I think that would be the ultimate heart shredder. I would rather put a hand grenade in my chest than see his life without me. I mean I want him to be happy but I don't want to see images that I'll never forget. Stay strong! It haunted me that she was not well (medically) and I had to remove myself. Walking away from her (still) goes against every fibre in my body. But I guess she really couldn't handle having me around. It also did touch old trauma in a way I never had foreseen. That actually has proven to be (and still is) a really big opportunity for me in working on old grief. Yes we have to stay strong! I'm feeling much better these days too. I remember you and I were hurting BAAAAAAD!!! LOL! not really funny but so happy we are both at the tail end of this nightmare. (I hope) Yes we were ... I hope so too! Blessings to you for a safe and happy holiday! Thank you, I hope you will too. Much love for you and the people important to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jewels7 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Good for you! You got this! It WiLL get better. I hurt myself as well because it's been 7 months post BU but when my ex contacts me I respond (of course it's manipulation I think every time my ex contacts me. He goes from I'm sorry to hateful in about 10 seconds). I get why people say they wish their ex was a jerk, but honestly it's not easy for me at all!! I left my ex for being a jerk but can't get over him! As everyone says... Time and NC. We can do this!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostConfused123 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 Thank you for your kind words and faith in my strength. Wishing you all the best and a happy holiday. As happy as can be expected anyway 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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