Jump to content

It's been a whole year


YesFastPants

Recommended Posts

I don't ever really post on these forums, I just skim anything relevant but tonight kinda marks a special anniversary for me. It's been a whole year since I stopped talking to a girl I was madly in love with and had my heart broken by. A full year without an email, call, text, even looking at her Facebook or Twitter.

 

One year. 364 days, it feels like a lifetime.

 

I know that a lot of you might not care, and that's okay, I guess I'm writing this to get this off my chest and to tell someone, anyone. All my friends and family are probably sick to death of hearing me reminisce about a girl that I once loved and I can't say I would blame them or anyone for losing interest.

 

It's just that I want one person, anyone out there to know that I did it, I made it. I thought I would die but one day turned into a week into a month and here I am now.

 

I guess that's really it. I told her I loved her and she moved in with another guy. There's always more to a relationship falling apart story but we knew each other for four years and she was truly my first love and it kills me that this is the first Christmas separated from each other.

 

Anyway. Hope everyone out there is dealing well during the holidays, I just wanted to write this down.

  • Like 14
Link to post
Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle

Congratulations, man. You're an inspiration to me. I'm a few months shy of a year. I've had a few slips where I looked at her social media(worst mistake), but I'm back on track now.

 

Yes, please tell us of your state of mind. Are there still dreams? Have you dated at all? Any bouts of anger? How would you describe your current emotional well-being?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Light Breeze and SycamoreCircle, thank you so much for the replies, I feel a lot better knowing that at least you guys can empathize with what I'm going through. Thank you.

 

Am I dating? No, not really at the moment, I asked a girl out a few months ago which was a huge step, I never thought I would even have feelings for another girl much less ask one out. She was so sweet and declined as she was also getting over someone she loved, small world huh? There is a girl at work I like and I plan on asking her out around Christmas but I'm not getting my hopes up too high.

 

And how do I feel? I feel kinda empty right now, still hollow. Like I should be celebrating but I'm not, I just feel melancholy like I'm still missing a limb or an important piece of my body. Props to you Syacomore for almost making a year mark, as long as you stay on the right path you'll also hit it.

 

I can honestly say that I am not over her. The dreams are there, not everyday but every few weeks and I wake up in a sweat. There are old songs and even animes we used to watch together and when I listen to them or watch them my heart aches so much like the day she told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore because she didn't want to hurt me.

 

Really, the only difference from me now and a year ago is that I know better then to chase after a girl who doesn't share my feelings. I still want it, I crave being with her but I know it's not the right thing now.

 

 

 

TL;dr It's hard, the hardest thing I have ever done, I am doing all the right things, staying away from anything of her and remaining on No Contact but it saddens me that I could be doing all this, moving on and engaging in new hobbies and people but no matter what I do the pain is still deep there and it nags me like an old wound.

 

thanks so much for the responses guys. I hope you guys can heal from whatever is aching you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks man,

 

I salute you for sticking with it and will be following your lead.

 

I guess there would be a long way to go to achieve total healing but I'm confident total NC will help along the process.

 

Hope you get over her too bro.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It will be a year for me come next February but no contact has been broken repeatedly on both sides this past year. I was only with her 3 months but have never felt that strongly about someone before. I wonder if I will ever get over her as I start NC again. The pain is there everyday, it's horrible, so I know exactly how you feel.

 

What I've learnt is you cannot negotiate desire- they will only come back if they want to come back, but that doesn't stop me missing her. She has a fabulous social life, working life and support network so distractions are aplenty and she gets over boys fast. She would have done more in the these past 6 months of her life in terms of going out, seeing things, new experiences etc than I will do in the next 2 years. It's sad but true. And that hurts even more. Comparing and contrasting with someone else is a very distructive process, which I intend to get professional help for.

 

Stay strong I guess. It isn't really getting better for me, but I have optimism that one day I will be better. Once healed, I don't think I'll be investing in a relationship again, I'll always have 'one foot out the door' to protect myself- I do not want to go through this pain again. I guess that's how players are born- they get burnt badly and then use women as objects fo revenge. I totally get the mentality.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle

You spoke of "anime" the two of you used to watch. I was reading something the other day that encouraged the brokenhearted to revisit old haunts, routines and rituals that the two of you shared. Do this many, many times. The idea is to replace the joint memories with new memories. I think it is a good idea.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I guess that's how players are born- they get burnt badly and then use women as objects fo revenge. I totally get the mentality.

That will be true for some. Getting it does not mean we have to do it too, right?

 

I learnt already some time ago that being granted to experience a high we also must embrace the lows that balance it. If you want to experience love you also must be prepared to experience pain. Players are just @holes who want everything for free.

 

Remember: living means experiencing loss as change is the only constant in life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks everyone for your words. There are days where you do forget and you feel better but it's still a fight even a year later.

 

I have a friend who's a recovering alcoholic and when I hear of his struggles it's so similar to me getting over this girl it's astonishing. Not to say they're the same, I know it's not but there are a lot of the same principles like moving on with your life and improving yourself, even separating from the thing that was hurting you.

 

Just my thought before I leave for work!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey man,

 

It's been a year for me as well since the breakup itself, about 2months pure no contact since we had low contact up until the end of October. You did the right thing by initiating nc early on. I Feel like id be doing much better if I had done so right away but instead it delayed my healing by waiting to do so.

 

There are days i feel good and days I miss her but it's nothing compared to what I went through last year. It's weird cause I barely remember her now but still crave her in a way.

 

Hope you guys are doing well! I think the point I will truly get over her is when I meet another special woman. And I mean special. I tried to force a relationship earlier but that didn't work out so my next one I'm going to get right even if it means bearing through this a little longer

Link to post
Share on other sites

My first girlfriend, and first love, suddenly dumped me last year on December 4th. We texted for a month after that, but the last time I saw her was when she walked out my apartment on that day.

 

They say that time heals all wounds, but even then it takes lots of time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Props on almost a year, that takes some serious dedication!

 

 

It had almost been a month of NC but we have kids and had to sit down and talk about the divorce/custody/child support. She became angry when she saw I made a list of topics I wanted to talk about saying that I was treating this as a business deal. I slipped and told her I didn't want the divorce and broke down again.....again she got the upper hand and I was putty in her hands. This week I've seen her three times, because of the holiday programs for the kids and divorce negotiations. However, the more I see her the more numb I become to the pain I've been going through. Whenever we meet she sits there texting and answering phone calls from her many friends she's made since we split up; I guess she has quite a social life now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce aches, Athens, my parents had an awful falling out so I haven't gone through it myself but I have seen firsthand the effect it can have on people. :(

 

I hope everyone has Christmas plans and spending it with family or friends, especially during any heartbreak.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Time does heal - but it sounds like you are not totally over her yet. I'm sending you good energy and wishing you a great holiday and year ahead!

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's almost 1 year for me too.. still struggling a lot, I think because of the whole anniversary thing. We were together for Xmas and New Years, then he proceeded to break up with me on New Years Day. The memories come flooding back everywhere I go. It's going to be a tough Christmas and New Year's Day.

 

I survived (just) and it has gotten easier, when I think back to that initial feeling of panic and depression that went on and on for many months. But it's extremely difficult and I don't understand what happened and why despite his explanations. I've tried absolutely everything to get over this but all I can do is wait for time to work it's magic.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I am sorry to hear about that smiley, I'm also going through a bad falling out during Christmas and even though it's been a year, this Christmas has been really hard on me despite me going out a little bit more and talking to other people. It's still hard.

 

I feel like I'm about as over her as I'll ever be in my life and at this point all I can really do is improve myself.

 

It just sucks a lot. This girl was amazing, it was like lightning in a bottle, I've never met anyone like her and I feel like I'm depriving myself of something fantastic by not contacting her and my conviction wavers. But NC is really the only choice I have at this point.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...