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somecamel

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I wonder sometimes which is worse.

 

Contacting the ex for closure to be hurt again but maybe clearer on the reasons for the breakyup or follow the consensus on here to just ignore:(

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After my wife served me with divorce papers, it made me want her back even more. We'd been separated for 10 months but I had been actively trying to work out our differences. However, it quickly got to the point where my 7 year old son would tell me that mommy was texting other guys and that they would call her, so I knew she started getting attention from guys and that's what made her file for divorce.

One day I finally asked her point blank if there was someone else and she admitted it... although it hurt, I continued to ask questions... at the time I wanted to get all of those questions out of my head so I wouldn't wonder for months.

I guess I like to be stabbed in the chest while I look at the person in the eye instead of in the back where I can't see. it all depends if you believe that you're going to be able to handle hearing things that you won't be able to believe are true or just don't want to believe are really happening.

I am now following the NC rule, I only see her when we discuss matters regarding our children but nothing more... it is better that way, at least for me it is.

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I never sought any real closure from my ex. I only asked him a few questions when he wanted me back but I already knew pretty much all the answers to my questions. I knew why he did the things he did. I'm a smart girl.

 

The way I feel and have always felt, is, what does it really even matter why they left us? The harsh reality is that they no longer wanted to be with us. They want to explore other opportunities. Why torture yourself by always wanting to know why this or that?? We just have to accept it and keep living life the best way we know how.

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I wonder sometimes which is worse.

 

Contacting the ex for closure to be hurt again but maybe clearer on the reasons for the breakyup or follow the consensus on here to just ignore:(

 

No contact, no contact, no contact.

 

Let it go.

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I never sought any real closure from my ex. I only asked him a few questions when he wanted me back but I already knew pretty much all the answers to my questions. I knew why he did the things he did. I'm a smart girl.

 

The way I feel and have always felt, is, what does it really even matter why they left us? The harsh reality is that they no longer wanted to be with us. They want to explore other opportunities. Why torture yourself by always wanting to know why this or that?? We just have to accept it and keep living life the best way we know how.

 

I completely agree with this, especially the bolded part.

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I completely agree with me85. I remember one time i had the "closure talk" which went on for hours but all I heard was "I don't want you anymore". All the facts and fiction were irrelevant at that point so I moved on swiftly, starting NC immediately and left him wondering where I've gone...

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I wonder sometimes which is worse.

 

Contacting the ex for closure to be hurt again but maybe clearer on the reasons for the breakyup or follow the consensus on here to just ignore:(

If you already know that you're going to "be hurt again"...then you already know that contacting your ex won't get you any "closure", and that it's not a smart idea to contact.

 

If you're thinking that you're going to be hurt again ONCE you have a clearer understanding of why the break-up happened...then that's also not getting you any closer to closure. In this case, though, likely you already do have all the "facts" of the break-up that you need. (Are you sure that you don't? That there is "more" that you need to hear about it? Ask yourself: What is it you think that you don't yet know, that is going to help you get "closure"?)

 

If you KNOW that you DEFINITELY will feel better after you get more details on why you broke up -- no matter what those details are -- then go ahead and contact. BEFORE you contact, you have to already know, 100%, that you're emotionally strong enough to take whatever you hear, and will not backslide no matter what you hear.

 

This idea of "lack of closure" can keep us stuck. It's over. The end. THAT is the closure...and it is exactly the same for everybody whose relationship ends. To paraphrase me85 (if I may), everything else around it is irrelevant; just useless, after-the-fact data.

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Marco Valerio

What for? Would it change the fact you broke up?...in some cases is better to ignore than to know.

Keep moving forward !!!!

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Simon Phoenix
I wonder sometimes which is worse.

 

Contacting the ex for closure to be hurt again but maybe clearer on the reasons for the breakyup or follow the consensus on here to just ignore:(

 

What is there to close out? The relationship is over and has been for months. Let's pretend she actually gave you a real reason (which she probably won't because a) she doesn't want to hurt your feelings or b) because she doesn't want to be transported back into that drama), then what?

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