ralfgarnett Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Ok so I went NC with her for 2 weeks and it is 3 weeks now since i last saw her, i was hoping it would smoke her out a bit but last night i spoke to her on a fabricated reason, and she now thinks that having no contact with each other for ex amount of time is the best way for us to move on and eventually become friends, i didn't want this i thought it might bring us closer, i miss her like mad and was hoping to see her over the christmas break as i wont be seeing many people and i need as much company as i can get, any advice on how to turn this round again so that i am back in charge or at least on an even footing ?, i know i sound pathetic and weak and that's because i am right now, i am lonely, lost, sad and scared and dreading the holidays on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 NC to bring you closer? Yer doin' it wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 Ok fair enough how should I do it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Ok so I went NC with her for 2 weeks and it is 3 weeks now since i last saw her, i was hoping it would smoke her out a bit but last night i spoke to her on a fabricated reason, and she now thinks that having no contact with each other for ex amount of time is the best way for us to move on and eventually become friends, i didn't want this i thought it might bring us closer, i miss her like mad and was hoping to see her over the christmas break as i wont be seeing many people and i need as much company as i can get, any advice on how to turn this round again so that i am back in charge or at least on an even footing ?, i know i sound pathetic and weak and that's because i am right now, i am lonely, lost, sad and scared and dreading the holidays on my own. Listen to yourself... This isn't about loving her; it's all about you--your ego & what you want. If you truly loved her, you would leave her alone & give her the time & space she has asked you for. Instead, you "fabricate" (LIE) to her to get her to talk to you. And what does "being back in charge" have to do with loving someone? I believe you when you say that you are lonely, lost, sad & afraid and that you are dreading the holidays...but wanting her back just to make yourself feel better is not love! In fact, you don't even respect her or you wouldn't be trying to figure out how to manipulate her so you can use her to make yourself feel better. Look, if you don't want to be alone for the holidays, put your effort into reaching out to other people. Focus on those you WILL be seeing. Instead of worrying about yourself, think about how you can make someone else's holiday better. You would be surprised how good it feels to make a positive difference in someone's life. Try it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 Listen to yourself... This isn't about loving her; it's all about you--your ego & what you want. If you truly loved her, you would leave her alone & give her the time & space she has asked you for. Instead, you "fabricate" (LIE) to her to get her to talk to you. And what does "being back in charge" have to do with loving someone? I believe you when you say that you are lonely, lost, sad & afraid and that you are dreading the holidays...but wanting her back just to make yourself feel better is not love! In fact, you don't even respect her or you wouldn't be trying to figure out how to manipulate her so you can use her to make yourself feel better. Look, if you don't want to be alone for the holidays, put your effort into reaching out to other people. Focus on those you WILL be seeing. Instead of worrying about yourself, think about how you can make someone else's holiday better. You would be surprised how good it feels to make a positive difference in someone's life. Try it. You make some interesting observations thanks for that you have made me think, I do truly miss her and I think that I have times of genuine desperation about the situation, I had only got back from a trip yesterday and the house felt very empty last night which is why I called her, yes I am dreading csmas and I was hoping to see her if only for a short while, being back in charge was something I would never of considered when she was here but I have spent months trawling through these websites and I think they have made me think differently about things and its not good, so thanks I will definitely think about that, I wanted to volunteer to help people at csmas but I was told by a few organisations that they are overrun with volunteers and that as I wasn't CRB rated that they couldn't accept me so I just went with the flow on the grounds that they know better than me, I agree with you about the respect thing I think I have lost respect for her over the months as she hurt me so much, but in doing that I also think that I have lost respect for myself through feeling so sorry for myself so yet another good point you make, I will re-read this again later and see what I can do to make myself better and also to see what I can do to improve my overall demeanour, obviously I now live on my own and don't see many people so a few home truths is maybe what I needed, Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Survivor12 is right, if you love her then let her go. I let someone I love go because I want him to be happy, with or without me. It was the right thing to do and I feel proud of myself for being able to do that. Stop wishing for things to go back to the way they were, if you do get back together in the future, make it something new and better so things don't end up this way again. Divert all the love you have for her to yourself and become a wiser and better person x Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralfgarnett Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 Having a bad day today my mind has been all over the place and not coping very well, feeling very down and depressed, I feel needy sad and lonely, I am confused and need answers to a million questions but am getting no answers, I feel sad, I feel hurt, I miss her I just want to be loved again, its grey and damp and the SADS is getting to me, I want us to be back where we were May & June, I want to hold her hand and cuddle her in bed, I want my wife back and right now I feel she is so far away that it could never happen, I feel ashamed that we are not together, my head is full of happy times but can only see dark times ahead I have been away twice in the past 5 weeks and hardly enjoyed a moment as she wasn't there with me, as I said having a bad day today. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Having a bad day today my mind has been all over the place and not coping very well, feeling very down and depressed, I feel needy sad and lonely, I am confused and need answers to a million questions but am getting no answers, I feel sad, I feel hurt, I miss her I just want to be loved again, its grey and damp and the SADS is getting to me, I want us to be back where we were May & June, I want to hold her hand and cuddle her in bed, I want my wife back and right now I feel she is so far away that it could never happen, I feel ashamed that we are not together, my head is full of happy times but can only see dark times ahead I have been away twice in the past 5 weeks and hardly enjoyed a moment as she wasn't there with me, as I said having a bad day today. I feel you on the bad day. I had to go get supplies for my crew today and was already in a funk. Had to drive past her house on the way there. But..I did get two new accounts this week and just deposited a sweet check! Going to take my crew out for dinner and drinks, on the other side of town tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
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