She went back to her ex

[dennisf311]

So long story short,

 

I met a girl online, we became really close and she broke up with her ex that had been cheating on her for a while, several times and not treating her well. She did that after she met me, and I made her saw how bad he was treating her. Which he really was. She lives with him and has no other place to stay. We got more intimate, started loving each other, after he found out; she couldn't keep up talking to me anymore behind his back, even though they were broken up. And we weren't together, but we were really close and intimate you could say.

 

So we stopped talking. Said if we could change things in the future, we could maybe be together. Got a message from her today, saying she made a hard decision and gave him another chance cause she couldn't let go. That she guesses we aren't meant to be perhaps, and that I am a great person, thanks for everything yada yada.

 

What do I do with this? I feel used, sort-of. I feel like sending her back that she made her decision, so be it, and thank her for getting my hopes up and in the end breaking my heart. And that I hope it turns out better this time.

 

Once a cheater, always a cheater. I'll do my best to get over her, work further on myself (I was doing real good in school and the gym) and move on. But any ideas what's best to respond to such a thing?

 

Thanks in advance

[Chin Up]

Just say "Yep, thanks and same to you." or something short and civil..then..

 

whatever you do....do not contact her!

 

I know it's hard, and it's going to be REALLY hard at times. Unbearable even, but DO NOT CONTACT HER. I know it's counter-intuitive to what you want, but you will be so glad you did in the long run.

 

You're going to have a lot of questions and want answers, but you will never be satisfied with what she says/does. Any contact will just confuse you even more and you will feel more and more hurt. She will get to sit there feeling like the most desirable goddess in the world each time you contact her. "Lucky me!" she will think "I got my ex back AND have plan b sitting on the side lines waiting for me. I can't lose!" -Don't be someones plan b.

 

I really wish I didn't respond to my ex that day after he b/u with me. I'm not sure why he sent it. He had already broken up with me, what more is there to say? I suspect he just wanted to alleviate some guilt. I had no intentions of contacting him until he sent that text. It confused the hell out of me. I wasn't sure if he was doing it for closure or to reconcile. One day I sent him a text and he ignored me. That confused me even more but now I'm glad he did. I wish had just dropped off the face of his earth after we b/u, instead of the odd little texts here and there. They got me nowhere and he got to feel all smug that I was obviously missing the heck out of him and still thinking about him. It got me nowhere. Go NC all the way.

 

If she's foolish enough to take back a cheater, she has no one to blame but herself if/when it happens again. Don't be there to catch her when she falls. You deserve to be with someone who wants you entirely, not when things are bottoming out with their ex.

 

Put this girl in your rear-view mirror and keep looking forward.

Edited December 6, 2014 by Chin Up

[dennisf311]

Thank you for your answer, Chin Up.

 

You're absolutely right on saying that if she's foolish enough to take back a cheater, she has no-one but her to blame if that happens again.

 

Thank you for the advice, I'll definetly move forward and not look back once I send her my reply. Not sure what to write though.

 

Her message was sort of saying she made a hard decision to get back with him and give him another chance (even though when we broke up contact I told her don't make the mistake of getting back again), how she wishes me all the best and that she hopes I find someone that gives me all I need, that I'm a great guy and thanks for all the things I did with/to her, goodbye. And literally; "I'll always be there for you if you need someone to talk to". Well, that's not gonna happen, lol.

 

Thinking of saying something like; Hey, I received your message, I hope you made the right decision, thank you and best of luck to you too.

 

Or should I let that 'I hope you made the right decision' out? Not sure about that.

[Chin Up]

I'd leave that part out.

 

My ex sent me a text saying the same things, basically (minus the parts about another person). It's just run of the mill breakup jargon and cliches that people use. I replied "Thanks, and same to you."

 

I should have left it at that . Instead, 10 days later, I sent him a text asking if we could be friends in the future. I went from walking away with my head held high, and him probably sitting there scratching his head wondering if he had made a mistake, to running back to him with some flimsy and transparent excuse of wanting to be friends. All I showed him was that I can puff up real big and put on a good act, but I'll be back.

 

If I was you, I'd say:

"Thanks. It was fun while it lasted. I hope all the best for you. Take care!"

 

Its wrapping things up on a dignified and positive note.

 

"I'll always be there for you if you need someone to talk to". Well, that's not gonna happen, lol.

 

Good. It will turn into you sitting there listening to her moan about her boyfriend and how unhappy she is, how she doesn't trust him, blahblah, and keeps you wondering/hoping she will come back to you because she's so unhappy with him. I'm sure you have plenty of friends you can talk to lol. She's offering the friend card. Rip it up and throw the pieces on the ground. It's BS.

[dennisf311]

Hm well saying 'It was fun while it lasted" has some positive ring to it which I don't really want to give her for the move she made.

 

Thinking of just saying; Hey, yeah I got your message. (cause she wondered if i'd even get it at all) Thanks, all the best to you. Take care, 'insert name'.

 

Never thought I'd think so much over a fricking 'last' (for me atleast) reply, lol. What do you think?

 

And yeah Chin Up, that happens. It's good that you realise that now, that that was a mistake you made. It'l be of use in a next situation as these. You realised what you did wrong and you showed your ex how you would go back for him, want his attention and make him feel like a god. But you learn from that! Also, you're right about your last line. It's her decision, I won't be there if it goes bad, not waiting at least. I do wonder how it will turn out in the long run, though. Out of curiousity. Time will tell.

[Chin Up]

Yeah, that sounds good. Fire away and that's the end of that.

 

haha if you think you're bamboozled over a text now, it's 50x worse if you keep in contact. Believe.

 

Be aware, she Is going to reply to what you send. Armor up. Even a 3 word reply can hit you in ways you can't imagine lol.

 

Oh, you WILL find out when it tanks with this guy again. Even though you're taking yourself off her back burner, she will still come scratching at your door when she finds herself in the cold again. Turn the volume on your tv up when that happens .

[dennisf311]

Yeah, that sounds good. Fire away and that's the end of that.

 

haha if you think you're bamboozled over a text now, it's 50x worse if you keep in contact. Believe.

 

Be aware, she Is going to reply to what you send. Armor up. Even a 3 word reply can hit you in ways you can't imagine lol.

 

Oh, you WILL find out when it tanks with this guy again. Even though you're taking yourself off her back burner, she will still come scratching at your door when she finds herself in the cold again. Turn the volume on your tv up when that happens .

Done, I send it! Now to move on from this and do my best to forget all that. Woke up today pretty depressed, but I guess that's normal when you've had such feelings. Atleast I wasn't in a relationship with her yet, and this is far less worse then my last break-up. So I'll be fine in the long run.

 

And I'll see whenever she reaches out and what she will say, cause I think I left a pretty good appearance to her.

 

As for a reply, yeah I am aware that is possible to hurt me, no matter what the reply is. I already had a instant-heart-attack feeling when she left this message out of no-where.

[dennisf311]

So I kept a small note (she knows) with her number on it, she said I could use that when we would talk again (before she got together with her ex). I'm thinking of sending her a message saying I am deleting her number for good and throwing that piece of paper away, along with a goodbye and

 

Would this be wise to do? Right now I just feel used and angry.. I feel like if I don't show a tiny bit that I'm done with her, she won't get the idea that I am..

[SoThatHappened]

Just wash your hands of it. Don't contact her.

 

Don't try to date people who are already in relationships.

[dennisf311]

But what's wrong with letting her know this? She'll know that I am done for sure atleast.

I mean she is being all sweet saying I can message her whenever I want to talk, f that. She's been so easy on this.

Edited December 17, 2014 by dennisf311

[HurtGator]

But what's wrong with letting her know this? She'll know that I am done for sure atleast.

I mean she is being all sweet saying I can message her whenever I want to talk, f that. She's been so easy on this.

 

Don't give her the satisfaction.

[dumbass2]

But what's wrong with letting her know this? She'll know that I am done for sure atleast.

I mean she is being all sweet saying I can message her whenever I want to talk, f that. She's been so easy on this.

 

You're wrong in thinking that. Stop contacting her! Your just feeding the monster and not allowing yourself to get over this.

 

The best thing you can do and it will work and has a 100% success rate is........do not contact her ever again. You don't need to tell her anything. Your silence will send the absolute strongest message you could ever send in writing or in person or over the phone. Do nothing at all. It really drives your point home. Trust me on this one. It will give you the result you desire.

Edited December 17, 2014 by dumbass2

[Satu]

But any ideas what's best to respond to such a thing?

 

Thanks in advance

 

No contact, no contact, no contact.

[Ducktape]

But what's wrong with letting her know this? She'll know that I am done for sure atleast.

I mean she is being all sweet saying I can message her whenever I want to talk, f that. She's been so easy on this.

What is wrong is that deep down, you know that you'd be sending that message to get a reaction out of her, to make her realize "what she lost" hoping she'll change idea and choose you. And that won't work.

[dennisf311]

Thanks, I didn't send her a message and decided to leave it like this. She doesn't deserve one bit of contact from me. She's all 'happy' to be back with him again. She'll see some day, once a cheater always a cheater. Thanks guys.

[apedrerov]

**** her (The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters).