RedButton Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 So it hasn't been a month since the breakup, but I'm already starting to feel like I should start dating again (although I'm thinking I'll take no action until I'm not thinking about my ex on a daily basis etc. Unless I happen to meet someone truly amazing before that). I guess I want to know, is this normal? I feel guilty about it, since I feel like I want to start dating just to feel like I'm still an attractive guy or just to feel that intimacy again. I don't plan to start dating soon because I feel it would just hurt me more (make me think of ex more often, compare anyone I date to her) and it wouldn't be fair on anyone I was dating if I wasn't really serious about it. I also keep hearing that rebound relationships usually just hurt you much more than help you. It's been nearly four weeks, so I'm generally feeling much better about things, but still thinking about my ex a lot. And while missing the physical side of things is admittedly part of it, it's also a case of 'I wish I had someone to take out to dinner' or 'to stay in and watch a movie with on the couch'. I'm probably rambling a bit, so I guess what I'm asking is, is this normal? How much more time should I give myself (wait until I'm no longer thinking about past relationship?)? What are some good ways to deal with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 I think it is pretty normal, and there are no perfect advice or a precise timescale which can match all cases. As long as you feel fine and good with dating, then why not give it a try? I mean, for me, I haven't dated anyone since my BU 8 months ago, not because I followed advice or set a time frame or anything, it's just mainly because I felt I'm not ready yet, and I would feel horrible if I forced myself in doing so. But in your case, it's different, if you feel nice about dating, then just do it. You're single now, and heck, isn't it nice to have someone new to watch a movie with, have some nice conversations, or just have some nice time together Just do it if it makes you feel good, and stop if you feel bad, it's just simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I'm 1.5 months out of a 1 year relationship. (i was dumped, the jerk! lol) At the 1 month mark a friend talked me into club hopping to meet guys. I felt it was way too soon, but in all honesty, being hit on felt great! I didn't realize how much of my confidence and self esteem had gone down the pooper cuz of the break up. Anyways, was practically beating the men off with a stick and I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. Chatted up an attractive, funny and charming guy. My friends kept remarking on what a catch he seemed to be. Seemed lol. I was tired and wanted to go home, so we exchanged numbers and said we'd talk again soon. He sent me 56..yes, FIFTY SIX, texts the next day. Some didnt even make sense. I ended up telling him that I was not interested in pursuing things with him and that it was prob best if we just lost each others numbers and to have a good life. He kept sending me texts and phoning for another 1.5 weeks after that conversation and I never replied to any of them. So now I'm sitting here still struggling with my breakup AND a potential lunatic haha. I feel it was too soon for me to be making safe and sound judgements in men. I'm gonna hold off on dating til after the new year. Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 I'm 1.5 months out of a 1 year relationship. (i was dumped, the jerk! lol) At the 1 month mark a friend talked me into club hopping to meet guys. I felt it was way too soon, but in all honesty, being hit on felt great! I didn't realize how much of my confidence and self esteem had gone down the pooper cuz of the break up. Anyways, was practically beating the men off with a stick and I was feeling pretty darn good about myself. Chatted up an attractive, funny and charming guy. My friends kept remarking on what a catch he seemed to be. Seemed lol. I was tired and wanted to go home, so we exchanged numbers and said we'd talk again soon. He sent me 56..yes, FIFTY SIX, texts the next day. Some didnt even make sense. I ended up telling him that I was not interested in pursuing things with him and that it was prob best if we just lost each others numbers and to have a good life. He kept sending me texts and phoning for another 1.5 weeks after that conversation and I never replied to any of them. So now I'm sitting here still struggling with my breakup AND a potential lunatic haha. I feel it was too soon for me to be making safe and sound judgements in men. I'm gonna hold off on dating til after the new year. 56 texts? I am dying laughing my buttocks off Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 hahaha! Well I'm glad YOU think it's funny. I sat there wide eye'd thinking "gosh, this guy is going to skin me and turn me into a lamp shade or something" ...gulp! So while going out and chatting up the ladies is fun and boosts confidence, just be aware that for now you may not be making the best of choices in women. I kinda tossed myself at the first guy that seemed to be a suitable crutch (ok rebound) for all the stuff i'm missing from my ex..and well, hes a complete nut job. go me! Worry about yourself before you worry about someone else. Too much too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedButton Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 56!? Good lord... I know what you mean though, I get the feeling I'm going to need more time. Considering I'm still thinking about my ex everyday, even if it's not 'boo hoo I'm so sad' I'm still thinking about them. I'll probably hold off until the new year before I start dating unless I feel I'm much better beforehand. Might be easier if I had some female friends I could do stuff like that with, but for the moment I'll stick with my current circle of friends and group activities. Link to post Share on other sites
heartbroken1357 Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 Please please please don't do this, I've rebounded into a 10 month relationship without even knowing until it ended and resurfaced all my feelings for my ex. I've also recently been on the end of being used as a rebound in which the girl I was seeing changed her feelings within a matter of hours and so it happend she was pregnant and hid it from me for a month until she had sorted an abortion. trust me on this it will only hurt you more if you jump into something too soon. hit the gym, eat well, go out with friends, meet girls and have fun to build your confidence and self esteem but rebuild first Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedButton Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 ^Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it! I'm happy to get several perspectives, because a friend from back home told me that they started dating about 5 weeks after a breakup, sounds like it didn't last long at all. I don't want that, since it'll make me feel worse in the long run, like I'm chasing a feeling to dull the pain in the short term. As I said, I think I'll need some more time before i'm really 'Over' the relationship. Complicating things is, I don't know how long I'll be living in this country or when I'll be moving back home. I don't think I would like to do short term dating/relationships if I'm moving away. I'll wait until January to make up my mind about these things, for now I'll concentrate on being happy and getting better. On the topic of joining a gym, good lord the membership fees are ridiculous these days, I think I'll just buy some dumbbells! Link to post Share on other sites
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