Pain and the Passage of time.

[oldboy]

It has been almost a year and a half now since I made the decision that has ultimately ruined me. I broke up with the most amazing girl I have ever met. My reasons: immaturity, unable to commit and a classic case of GIGS.

This past year has been the most challenging time of my life and although I wish I could say it gets easier, in my case, I am afraid that is just not true.

The pain and depression seems to be getting worse as time goes by. The realisation that I may have ruined my best chance at happiness continues to knock me into the ground. I feel completely worthless and just the thought of getting back out and dating, makes me feel ill.

I have know one else to blame but myself. I have been clutching onto the notion that time heals all wounds, but it just does not seem to be the case. Maybe it is the regret and the resentment I have towards myself and the lack of self esteem and fear of ending up alone. Whatever it is, it shows no sign of ending any time soon. I have tried therapy for several months with little success. I have NC with her. I know I am idealizing her and will admit, I am a sucker for nostalgia, but I also know she really was amazing and what we had was really special.

I am 33 now and have never experienced anything like what we had. I find it very difficult to meet women that I am attracted to ( and vice versa) and feel certain that the connection I had with her, will never happen again.

I don't wish to spend the rest of my life pining for a girl that I chose to discard. But it seems like that is my reality, and I am not strong enough to move on. I hope it gets easier to deal with, however, I really feel like this pain will be with me forever. I guess I will have to learn how to live with it.

[herself]

It's ok what you are feeling.

Your 30's are a time for growth so it's very normal to look at your life and feel like you're not on the right track.

You did what you felt was best at the time.

It's ok to greive and have a hard time letting go.

It doesn't mean it was a mistake.

You might be lonely but your not alone.

Many are coping with the same issues but you are being proactive with therapy.

Others won't take those steps.

Therapy isn't magic it will take more time.

I often think change is necessary to move forward like painting a room, rearranging your living space and freshening things, throwing away what's old...

Of course the gym you've probably heard this a million times but it's true...

But bigger things than that like a job change...at least search, it gives you inspiration and hope to make your life a little different.

Finally...feel your feelings of warmth and admiration toward your ex...Thats ok, she had a place in your life, but you may just be looking for that safety, familiarity and comfort of being part of something.

At least take baby steps to open your heart to someone new.

Don't think of dating...think of flirting.

Think of finding a new friend(s) and from there maybe love can blossom later...no rush...I've lived a lifetime from 33 to 39...so many changes I can't begin to tell you.

Just don't rush yourself...and at the same time don't stay too stuck.

Best wishes...chin up...make a few little changes and build from there.

[oldboy]

oh boy, I hope you are right. I am so lonely right now, and it feels like I am completely stuck. I have a few friends, but I just feel no connection to them. I force myself to socialise a bit, but really just want to be alone and pining. How sad.

I want to progress too, because I know that is the only choice I have. Although I would not wish this on anyone, it is really helpful to read what others are going through, and know that I am not alone. Sometimes I feel that is the only thing that keeps me going.

I look forward to the day I can return here, and report that it all gets better given enough time.

[herself]

One small change a day...tommorow rearrange the living room or bedroom.

Get new bedding...get a massage...find new music.

Little steps and always something nice for yourself..be good to your self your doing good!