comfort for a friend facing jail for DWI?

[d0nnivain]

A childhood friend got arrested for DWI over the weekend. It's her 3rd offense & she's facing a mandatory 6 months in jail (no getting out early for good behavior or serving time in a hospital). I don't want to debate the law or her potential sentence with anybody. Please take my statement about her sentence at face value.

 

That said, does anybody have suggestions on how I can comfort her, if that is even possible?

 

I know she has a drinking problem. She is in denial so debating that is not going to be productive & I sincerely hope this time she finally learns her lesson. I also hope that being forced to be sober for 6 months will help her dry out.

 

As a result of going to jail she is going to lose her license & custody of her kids. The whole thing is heartbreaking.

 

Mostly I & her other friends keep murmuring that we all still care about her, that it's going to be OK, that we'll help any way we can (but I'm not sure that people will follow through; I certainly am not going to be able to drive her around for the next 10 years) She sounded less suicidal today then other friends has lead me to believe but I worry.

 

I do care about her but I am at a loss. This may be her rock bottom.

[SoThatHappened]

This may be her rock bottom.

Hopefully it is.

 

You're better off hitting rock bottom than you are when you're falling toward it.

 

Some people need to hit rock bottom to stop what they're doing to get them there.

 

She sounds like she hasn't learned her lesson, and this DWI, going to jail, and losing her kids will hopefully wake her up.

 

There's no place for drunk drivers. I got a DWI almost 10 years ago, and it stopped me from driving drunk. If it wouldn't have, I could've hurt myself or someone else.

 

She needs support, rehab, help, and a little tough love. No more alcohol for her, possibly ever. She needs to accept everything, and having friends and family like you can be a big help to get her on the right path.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not sure that right this minute that telling her this is rock bottom is the right move. I want to reassure her that hopefully she will be safe while incarcerated but that is not exactly a realistic promise & it's what scares me for her.

[Allumere]

Well, the denial is a huge issue so one can hope the following 6 months result in a very loud and productive wake-up call. I don't know how defensive or excuse generating she is but she is incredibly lucky...she could be in jail for vehicular manslaughter. I know because that happened to a friend of mine years ago...he had a drinking problem...prior DUIs....ended up wrapping his car around an electrical pole in Baltimore...killed his closest friend. THAT was a sentence I wouldn't wish on anyone.

 

All you can do in encourage her that she has both the power and strength to move forward from this.

[OwMyEyeball]

Best you can do is offer her a listening ear. It's comforting to know there are still people on the outside who care and will be there for you upon release.

 

This may sound harsh, but this is the kind of wake up call some people need to understand the harmful impact their behaviour (in this case alcoholism) is having on themselves, their loved ones and their community.

 

I can only hope the prison she is incarcerated in is more focused on rehabilitation than doling out punishment.

[d0nnivain]

She's not going to prison. In my state prison is a place you go for more than 366 days & it contains hardened criminals. She's going to jail. Not quite a country club (like where Martha Stewart went) but a desolate albeit clean non-smelly place with concrete walls, restricted freedom, no privacy or creature comforts & lots of bars & metal doors. She will be in a population for non violent offenders (other drunks & people who didn't pay child support etc.) but she won't be with murderers etc.

 

I agree this is or should be a huge wake up & I don't understand why # 2 wasn't that wake up. (She got the 1st DWI when we were 19. She got the 2nd 25 years later a few weeks after she got divorced. ) I might have been able to overlook / justify the 1st two as youth and grief but this one was more of a choice based on her alcoholism.

 

I have no intention of enabling her but I'm not going to condemn her or abandon her either. I do hope these next few months help her realize the error of her ways but I also want the punishment to fit the crime & want to give her hope that she can make a better life without alcohol when she gets out.