After one year off FULL 100% NC - I broke it.. And feel fantastic about it!

[Seingthebrighterside]

Hello!

 

I will try to make this short.

Relationship Re-cap:

 

Together for 1.5 years, lived 1 year together. We were superclose, best friends, lovers. She had a great family and nice friends.

 

She ended it the 20th of October 2013 after a lot of arguments involving school, job, etc. We used to argue alot nonetheless but she eventually could not take it anymore and we said our goodbyes. The instant I got home I texted her and wished her well and that I respected her wish to break it off.

 

1 minute after I read her response of basically her saying the same thing I implemented full-hardcore-No-Contact. I literally cleansed my apartment from corner to corner of hair fallen hair, hairclips etc. I tossed EVERYTHING she ever gave me except for some games i store in the closet.

 

I was no stranger of NC (although I didn't know it was a tool per se), since as soon as someone in my life treats me bad or just don't want to resolve the issue, I close the gates to that person as soon as I feel he/she ain't capable of resolving the problem.

 

That sameday I was in shock, and actually didn't cry until the 4-5th day when reality set in. I looked at videos on youtube on "How to get over someone you've loved" (I'm pretty sure you guys are familliar with those keywords).

I also (and I kid you NOT) looked here in the coping session for over 660 pages!!! Trying to find an answer to my problem. I asked my friends to remove her from any social media, and deleted EVERY SINGLE PHOTO OF HER EVER - I was so hurt but I knew there was no going back, I'd seen her indifferent eyes the last day I kisses her farewell, she was long gone in her eyes.. A hurtful but true reality I now had to face.

 

Just want to give you a notice that I'm dead serious when I said 100% I SWEAR, I did not look at ANY social media she was in, I never gave her a drunk call/text, I never visited places where I thought she could be - and if I had to, the heavy heart in my chest became twice that weight.

 

I did not experience the "stages of grief" as some people claim to exist, or if so I did, it was mostly filled all of the first 8-10 months of sadness, jealousy, and disgust with myself. I blamed myself for everything and wanted to apologize so much to her it hurt, somedays I stayed in bed for 3-4 days a week, it was horrible. I could not even watch movies which actress would resemble her in anyway.

 

*I'll try to get to the point in a sec*

 

I started working out for 4 months, and noticebly gained muscles. I made new friends (I bought a headset and played games on my pc with strangers who later became really good friends AND we are planning on get together soon), I also started to date in late March 2014. I've dated 7 women this year and slept with 2 of them. I have also made a really close friend of a women I dated. I would even go as far to say she's my best friend! It was nice to feel that I could still attract the opposite sex BUT I always thought of her whenever I was on dates. Not

 

To be truthful, she's been on my mind everyday this year up to this point, but in various degrees of longing for her, not to mention the sexual-part,, geez, that's a though one, but you eventually get used to it.

 

As time went on and space between us grew distant I sort of fell proud for not reaching out and sabotage the commitment for NC. Truth be told I did go into NC as many of you do too, although may not confess so, in hope for a single breadcrum OR even better, her initiative to reconsilliation = That my friends, never, never happened. I've debated with myself if she has not reached out yet due to her pride or simply just because she doesn't give a flying fu**. I came to the conclussion (even if it's hard to believe) is that it don't even matter.

 

So, here I was this night, TODAY, thinking to myself. I honestly thought; In order for me to feel closure and not going around hoping, I need to see if she has moved on.

 

I WAS GOING TO CHECK HER FACEBOOK. Something I had not for over 365 days. My heart was racing, unsure to do it or not, armpits sweaty and I felt dizzy. I typed her name and clicked on it.

 

............

I felt... Relieved(?) I felt as if 10 thousand butterflies flew out of my back into my arms to then to dicapate in an instant.

There she was, my EX-girlfriend. Looking slightly unfamilliar then what I remembered. I guess her profile is a bit limited since I could only see 5-10 photos from the moment we broke up to this day (she used to upload stuff daily)

 

I saw her(and my old) friends, looking happy. And guess what (no surprise here I guess), she behind the arms of a different guy.

 

I honestly to whatever you call holy, feel a wave of relief. THAT was my final closure, she IS moving on, she IS NOT coming back to me as my "NC-brain" oh-so wished for. I know saw the truth. She is not some sort of godess anymore whom I desperately need to avoid affraid of getting hurt.

 

I actually felt a bit happy for her, that she hopefully is with a person who will love her the way I did.

 

I'm tearing up as I now write these final sentances in this post. But I find this sadly beautiful. I am grateful for the memories we had, and I'm no longer in a cloud of dispair. You will forever hold a place in my heart but I'm now letting you go. And I want you to know that I will always love you and I honestly wish you well on your journey through life.

 

Farewell.

[cdt76]

Damn. I wish I could get to that point. I feel for you. I hope you can now do as you write and move on. Keep on going down that good road you are on.

[martaldn]

I really enjoyed reading your post and I really hope you will find someone who will love and appreciate you, you seem a good guy with very strong self-respect.

well done to you and good luck for the future

[xUnknown]

wow. I was on the verge of tearing up reading the last few paragraphs.

 

Very touching. I'm happy that you're moving on and living your life without her. I wish you the best of luck my friend. You'll find someone. It just takes time. But, I'm sure you know this. I have no doubt.

[Richiebuoy]

Thanks, your post gave me a lift

[falxmanolo]

Hello!

 

I will try to make this short.

Relationship Re-cap:

 

Together for 1.5 years, lived 1 year together. We were superclose, best friends, lovers. She had a great family and nice friends.

 

She ended it the 20th of October 2013 after a lot of arguments involving school, job, etc. We used to argue alot nonetheless but she eventually could not take it anymore and we said our goodbyes. The instant I got home I texted her and wished her well and that I respected her wish to break it off.

 

1 minute after I read her response of basically her saying the same thing I implemented full-hardcore-No-Contact. I literally cleansed my apartment from corner to corner of hair fallen hair, hairclips etc. I tossed EVERYTHING she ever gave me except for some games i store in the closet.

 

I was no stranger of NC (although I didn't know it was a tool per se), since as soon as someone in my life treats me bad or just don't want to resolve the issue, I close the gates to that person as soon as I feel he/she ain't capable of resolving the problem.

 

That sameday I was in shock, and actually didn't cry until the 4-5th day when reality set in. I looked at videos on youtube on "How to get over someone you've loved" (I'm pretty sure you guys are familliar with those keywords).

I also (and I kid you NOT) looked here in the coping session for over 660 pages!!! Trying to find an answer to my problem. I asked my friends to remove her from any social media, and deleted EVERY SINGLE PHOTO OF HER EVER - I was so hurt but I knew there was no going back, I'd seen her indifferent eyes the last day I kisses her farewell, she was long gone in her eyes.. A hurtful but true reality I now had to face.

 

Just want to give you a notice that I'm dead serious when I said 100% I SWEAR, I did not look at ANY social media she was in, I never gave her a drunk call/text, I never visited places where I thought she could be - and if I had to, the heavy heart in my chest became twice that weight.

 

I did not experience the "stages of grief" as some people claim to exist, or if so I did, it was mostly filled all of the first 8-10 months of sadness, jealousy, and disgust with myself. I blamed myself for everything and wanted to apologize so much to her it hurt, somedays I stayed in bed for 3-4 days a week, it was horrible. I could not even watch movies which actress would resemble her in anyway.

 

*I'll try to get to the point in a sec*

 

I started working out for 4 months, and noticebly gained muscles. I made new friends (I bought a headset and played games on my pc with strangers who later became really good friends AND we are planning on get together soon), I also started to date in late March 2014. I've dated 7 women this year and slept with 2 of them. I have also made a really close friend of a women I dated. I would even go as far to say she's my best friend! It was nice to feel that I could still attract the opposite sex BUT I always thought of her whenever I was on dates. Not

 

To be truthful, she's been on my mind everyday this year up to this point, but in various degrees of longing for her, not to mention the sexual-part,, geez, that's a though one, but you eventually get used to it.

 

As time went on and space between us grew distant I sort of fell proud for not reaching out and sabotage the commitment for NC. Truth be told I did go into NC as many of you do too, although may not confess so, in hope for a single breadcrum OR even better, her initiative to reconsilliation = That my friends, never, never happened. I've debated with myself if she has not reached out yet due to her pride or simply just because she doesn't give a flying fu**. I came to the conclussion (even if it's hard to believe) is that it don't even matter.

 

So, here I was this night, TODAY, thinking to myself. I honestly thought; In order for me to feel closure and not going around hoping, I need to see if she has moved on.

 

I WAS GOING TO CHECK HER FACEBOOK. Something I had not for over 365 days. My heart was racing, unsure to do it or not, armpits sweaty and I felt dizzy. I typed her name and clicked on it.

 

............

I felt... Relieved(?) I felt as if 10 thousand butterflies flew out of my back into my arms to then to dicapate in an instant.

There she was, my EX-girlfriend. Looking slightly unfamilliar then what I remembered. I guess her profile is a bit limited since I could only see 5-10 photos from the moment we broke up to this day (she used to upload stuff daily)

 

I saw her(and my old) friends, looking happy. And guess what (no surprise here I guess), she behind the arms of a different guy.

 

I honestly to whatever you call holy, feel a wave of relief. THAT was my final closure, she IS moving on, she IS NOT coming back to me as my "NC-brain" oh-so wished for. I know saw the truth. She is not some sort of godess anymore whom I desperately need to avoid affraid of getting hurt.

 

I actually felt a bit happy for her, that she hopefully is with a person who will love her the way I did.

 

I'm tearing up as I now write these final sentances in this post. But I find this sadly beautiful. I am grateful for the memories we had, and I'm no longer in a cloud of dispair. You will forever hold a place in my heart but I'm now letting you go. And I want you to know that I will always love you and I honestly wish you well on your journey through life.

 

Farewell.

 

You sound adorable!! Very insightful post.. I would sometimes check on my ex's fb/instagram because he has intense privacy settings and he barely updates anything fun, so I kind of have this satisfaction that he has a sad life which is so stupid AND mean! Stupid because he could be having a great life just not sharing it on instagram/fb, mean because the only person I'm negatively feeding is myself! Good for you!! Every time we look back we break a little bit of our healing process and also our self-respect.

 

Lots of hugs coming your way!!

[Hoosfoos]

I don't think I could do what you did.