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How can someone love you and hurt you so much at the same time?


MargeryFlower

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MargeryFlower

I went into a relationship being so cautious after all the crap i went through in my past relationship. I took things slow. I let things happen in time.

 

He treated me like no other did. While he was deployed he spent every free minute talking to me. He would be on patrol for hours and come back and get on the computers while all the guys went to bed. If the internet wasn't working he would find somewhere that had working internet. We had the best time talking. We did so much talking about life and got to know each other really well. He made such an effort when it came to me.

 

When he got back from deployment i visited him. We travelled and spent a lot of time together. When i left to go back home things were still always good. He always bragged about me. He always told me how much he loved me and cared for me and i geniunly believed him. Even 2 years down the line it was still like we were in love like on the day we first met. He would drive 16hours just to come and visit me for the weekend.

 

Don't get me wrong there were difficult times too. He has PTSD, he abuses alcohol and hes addicted to gambeling. He started getting help and was getting better. We still had a great relationship. Even after nearlly 3 years things seemed right. We were just a perfect match. Everyone around us would say you could tell we were made for each other. Even people who didn't know us made comments about us and how you could feel our love just being around us.

 

Now it's all just gone to crap. He lied. He started talking to girls behind my back. And at the same time he was still ''in love'' with me. Even now he still says im the greatest thing that ever happened to him. So WHY WHY WHY could he do what he did? He said they mean nothing. He needs attention.. a lot of it and we are in an LDR and im super busy with school right now. He said its like all his other addictions. And then he still tells me he loves me and believes we have a future :mad::sick::( I don't understand how someone can be like that?

 

I am so heart broken and just can't understand how someone can be so loving and caring but do something like that at the same time???

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sdrawkcaB ssA

I'm going to be blunt... because you allowed him to, by assuming and expectations.

 

When you allow anyone to start something undesirable and assume they will correct it, they will always circle back into their undesirable ways.

 

Treatment should have been a priority, and making ultimatums, as if he should fail, he is failing you. You believed love will find a way to resolve his issues. The only way he'll ever break free from them is through dedication and will power. Love is the results of his labor. So he lost love through the agonising time he shared with you.

 

Nothing you did or did not do caused him to be so hurtful. He basically gave up on what he had.

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MargeryFlower,

 

How can someone love you and hurt you so much at the same time?

 

they can't.

 

They can't because they don't love you if they are hurting you.

 

You chose to have a relationship with a man that had a lot of problems ;-

 

He has PTSD, he abuses alcohol and hes addicted to gambeling.

 

It's all about him isn't it?

 

He needs attention

 

He said its like all his other addictions

 

so now he's putting a sex addiction into the mix with his other issues?

 

You cannot fix this man. You cannot change his behaviour. He needs to do that for himself.

 

The only thing you can do is walk away for the sake of your own sanity.

 

Please take the first steps NOW. You have school and a future ahead of you - do not throw it away for someone who is unstable and manipulative.

 

Good luck.

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Your story is somewhat similar to mine, and I don't want to say this, but I think his love is growing weaker, to the point that it's now not enough to be the sole focus/priority in his life anymore. He still loves you, just not as strong as before. Me and my ex were also in a LDR in 3,5 years, and I felt we were really meant to be, our emotions, love, everything, was very strong. However, I think there were two factors:

 

1) The fact that the relationship is a LDR. This requires a lot of work, and I seriously that the couple should try to be close to each other as soon as possible, because if we kept being away for too long, the feelings and connection will go down, and your partner will start to have the feeling that it's actually no longer a must to have you in his life anymore.

 

2) The end of the honeymoon phase. It was very natural for the relationship to be very strong in the first 2 years, but after that, all the strong attraction, the excitement wears off, and more than often, passion is up and down, you might feel that you no longer love that person as much, or start to prioritize other things over the partner.

 

Thus, I strongly believe that your bf loves you, he still does, but maybe the connection wears off so you're going down on this priority list. He doesn't want to hurt you, but he's doing what he naturally has to do. He loves you and he's doing what he wants to, but those thing hurt you, and since the love is strong, it's hurting you a lot. Is there any chances you guys can move closer?

Anyway, I hope you the best with your bf!!!!

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MargeryFlower
Your story is somewhat similar to mine, and I don't want to say this, but I think his love is growing weaker, to the point that it's now not enough to be the sole focus/priority in his life anymore. He still loves you, just not as strong as before. Me and my ex were also in a LDR in 3,5 years, and I felt we were really meant to be, our emotions, love, everything, was very strong. However, I think there were two factors:

 

1) The fact that the relationship is a LDR. This requires a lot of work, and I seriously that the couple should try to be close to each other as soon as possible, because if we kept being away for too long, the feelings and connection will go down, and your partner will start to have the feeling that it's actually no longer a must to have you in his life anymore.

 

2) The end of the honeymoon phase. It was very natural for the relationship to be very strong in the first 2 years, but after that, all the strong attraction, the excitement wears off, and more than often, passion is up and down, you might feel that you no longer love that person as much, or start to prioritize other things over the partner.

 

Thus, I strongly believe that your bf loves you, he still does, but maybe the connection wears off so you're going down on this priority list. He doesn't want to hurt you, but he's doing what he naturally has to do. He loves you and he's doing what he wants to, but those thing hurt you, and since the love is strong, it's hurting you a lot. Is there any chances you guys can move closer?

Anyway, I hope you the best with your bf!!!!

 

I agree on what you are saying. What doesn't make sense to me is that he asked my dad the weekend before i found out if he could marry me. When i asked him how he could even do that he said because he really wants to marry me and have me as his wife and with my dads approval he could ask me to marry him and would have the security of me sticking around.

I have never given him a reason to worry about me not sticking around. He knew i would marry him once im done with my studies.

Another big issue is the fact that he is leaving europe back to the states in 3 months..he said he thinks im going to leave him so he kinda felt this may not last. The plan was i move over there in September next year.

I could NEVER leave my life behind now to be with someone who betrayed me like that. There isn't even a possibilty of fixing anything.

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