Struggling with the pain of detachment

[heartbroken1357]

Hi guys,

 

3 weeks ago the woman I was seeing left me, she said she needed time to find herself,

Be independent and that she can't be in a relationship right now.

 

It's been so hard for me to come to terms, as 48 hours prior

she was telling me how crazy she was about me, how comfortable she was and how much she missed me.

 

I went to see her in person and talk, and she said while I was an amazing

guy the timing just wasn't right, surely if you really liked someone it wouldn't matter?

 

I sit here with her on my mind 24/7 and it's driving me insane, she

asked for space then continued to contact me, then told me I had pushed

her away and that in the future things may be different.

 

I know her ex had treated her badly they had been together for years

But i treated her so well, I have so many things in life that should make me happy

and attract a woman, I have my own place, a nice car, In a well paid job and I'm very outgoing

I know for a fact the sex we had was amazing, I'd never felt a connection with someone like this...

 

I gave everything I could and it still wasn't enough, she contacted me again over the weekend

and I replied bluntly, it's not in my nature to play hard to get, but I don't want to push her away either, I want a way of having this girl in my life, do I ignore her and hope she misses me?

Or do i offer her friendship to show I care? I just feel like I can't win whatever u do..

 

I was perfectly happy before I met her now I've lost my self, I'm struggling with work commitmentsdaily routine and my degree.

 

I keep telling myself I deserve better, because I believe I do!

I just miss her so much, I'm bit sleeping properly, having extreme hyperactive highs

and then really low times where I have suicidal thoughts and truly horrific nightmares.

 

why am I letting someone who has been in my life for such a short

ammount if time have such an impact in me, I'd give almost anything

to see her but I'm afraid if reaching out to her even though she us contacting me.

But at the same time I don't want to give up on her, her best friend contacted me and said

she was shocked and I know she thinks alot of you

 

I'm loosing control of my life, and I'm so angry at myself

[Reels]

Have some control, that is what mostly important.

[knicksdan311]

This situation is absolutely identical to mine down to the time frame. I'm very confused on what to do myself, so I just decided to go NC after talking with friends and family. As much as it sucks, if we want a chance for them to comeback going NC is the only way.

 

I'm skeptical of my ex, as she will not give me any specific reason as to why she doesn't want to be with me. She tells me how awesome I am and how much she adores me and misses me every time we would talk. It's like a switch flipped all the sudden., which she claims is all on her end and nothing I did.

 

NC will help heal you. I'm in the same place as you and want her to come crawling back but that's not gong to happen, at least anytime soon. Try and let go and move on. I was also very happy alone before I got involved with her so that's what makes it so much worse.

 

The initial phase of adjusting to her not being around is the hardest part for me personally, but after a few weeks of NC it will become easier and easier. Keep your head up and try to keep your mind busy. You will be happy again at some point even though it may seem impossible right now.

[heartbroken1357]

Thanks for reading my post Dan, It does sound very similar, my girls a bit of a headfook mindtyou, she asked for space and texts/messages me still, I feel absolutely crushed atm I can't find the motivation to do anything but sleep and get stupidly drunk, it's quite embarrassing really, I've never been able to handle my emotions, I can't stop thinking back over everything..

[therealmsfree]

She left you, but still wants you to show her that you care. Huh?! That's interesting. She's confused about what she wants and is looking for you to give her a reason to come back.

 

I know you care about her, but you don't deserve to be treated this way. If she cared, she would be with you trying to work things out. Not, walk out and then peak back in to see if your still interested.

 

I say, keep your distance. Let her know that you care, but she has to make up her mind. Either you guys are gonna work on this together or not at all. Be firm, but caring. This won't be hard because you genuinely care.

 

Hope this helps!

 

~Ms. Free

[SoThatHappened]

Let me breakdown what I can almost guarantee happened:

 

She met someone else before breaking up with you.

 

She broke up with you to be with him, and gave you lame excuses regarding why she's breaking up because the real reason was that she has feelings for someone else.

 

This is textbook cheating. Happened to me too. Less than 24 hours after telling me HOW MUCH she loved me, she admitted to fooling around with someone else.

 

This hurts to know, but you have to understand that this is what happened.

 

People do not breakup with someone because "the timing isn't right," "they have to find themselves," "they're too busy for a relationship," etc.

 

Now all you can do, since this girl cheated on you, is cut her completely out of your life. Do not contact in anyway. If she contacts you, tell her you don't want to have communication anymore. Stay away from all her social media.

[knicksdan311]

While I do agree that is a possibility, in my situation she was staying at my house every night, she would always invite me out and I would see who she was with via social media. Not that that means it didn't happen but I think the possibility of it was very low.

 

The bottom line however, is that she has moved on and we need to as well. Hang in there bud you'll be fine. Remember stay no contact! It will only get better!

[SoThatHappened]

I was living with a former long-term ex, had no social media for her to check, but I was emotionally checked out and decided I was going to breakup with the long-term ex and immediately pursue the current ex who really wanted to be with me.

 

Also, my current ex was basically staying at my house most of the week for months. She fooled around with someone she works/worked with.

 

I hope it's not cheating, and it may very well not be. It just sounds like it's right out of the cheater's handbook.

 

I've been hangin' in there Going on almost 5 months of NC (except for housecleaning contact right after the breakup) and I'm doing much better. Thanks, man.