Swimmer916 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hey all, I hope everyone is doing well today! I was wondering if anyone gets random urges of frustration or regret about their ex? I am feeling better about my situation, about her having another bf, and realizing that everything is over. I do still miss her but it comes in waves. For example last night and most of the day at work I felt pretty great. I felt like my joyous self. For some reason I get frustrated at myself and regret not realizing how good of a girl I had. Then out of the blue these thoughts come into my head: I messed up four years of our relationship I'm 23 I should start finding someone and settling down like my friends I'll never find someone I love as much as her Her new bf is better than me I lose all sort of self confidene and ruin my self image These intense feeling of regret and frustration hit me like truck. I usually try to talk myself out of it and start to feel better again. It's just an awful feeling. I know their is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day I'll reach it Link to post Share on other sites
richburn Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hey, I know exactly what you mean, but you do have to be kinder to yourself. Its all natural and a phase you have to go through - beating yourself up about it makes it twice (or more) harder. I am currently going through exactly the same thing and I am older then you (42), I have been through a few relationships and beat myself up about it everytime - its the WORST thing you can do - TRUST me - I know. Please, please, please try and be kind to yourself, fighting these phases will make them longer. Your worthy of love as much as anybody else. I have beating up cushions, my friend said I should go out with a red headband on and beat up a fence so afterwards I can laugh at the absurdity of it all. Trust in yourself, rage is one of the last phases - it means your making progress, be kind to yourself. Eat lots of chocolate and treat yourself to something you like doing - you deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 my friend said I should go out with a red headband on and beat up a fence so afterwards I can laugh at the absurdity of it all. Totally stealing this idea! But seriously, anyone care to elaborate on the rage phase? I think the sadness has faded, and this is the next level. I know others have said to use it productively, and being constructively physical (dance class!) helps. OP, all the emotions, I hear you, can still come on so strong and out of nowhere. I'm finding peace in that it happens less frequently. I also feel like anger (directed inwardly or outwardly) is so NOT ME and not what I'm about, that I just want to get it out of me, already! Ugh. On the bright side, 23 is young. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Yes, sometimes I have episodes where I'll be sad or mad at my ex. Not often but yes, every now and then. In fact, I had an episode this morning. I was even tempted to unblock him on FB just so I could see his profile picture (which I'm positive is of him and his new gf.) I didn't though. I came to my senses and asked myself "Where in the world did that thought come from?!" I haven't had the urge to look at his FB in 10 months. Link to post Share on other sites
richburn Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 This is where I got it from might not be applicable to you. The Five Phases of Abandonment Grief and Recovery Link to post Share on other sites
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