winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 So its been nearly 4 months since my gf of 5 years packed up and moved out to live with another guy. It was quite sudden, I had read their facebook messages only a month prior to her moving out and nothing in their would give much indication that she was going to be living with him in a month. Regardless, she is gone. I was the person that picked her up when she was at her worst, the person that was always there for her and quite honestly I am good guy, very genuine. Once she found her prince charming she pushed me from her life like I was cancer. Even before I knew they were bumping uglies, she wouldnt even answer my simplest of texts like ," how are you today?" To know someone you love is touching and being touched by someone else is hard. But to know that someone you shared such a deep emotional connection with, an extremely close friendship, to know that they want nothing to do with you, wish to never see you, blame you even though they cheated. Now this is hard. I barely even got angry through the whole thing because it was so sudden and so unexpected. Regardless, I found that talking long, isolated walks is great therapy for me. Although I like to be surrounded by people, being alone is good. I'm a guy, I still cry daily. But these long isolated walks do help the mind it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I haven't missed a single day of a long walk in the morning since my breakup (except when it's raining). They've seriously maintained my sanity. Lots of physical activity does help. I'm really sorry for your pain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CT98 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I hear you mate, long walks with music is where it's at for healing. Just know that you're going to be OK and look back and either not be bothered or just laugh at this, impossible to imagine now, but it does happen. Keep fightin'. Link to post Share on other sites
Swimmer916 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hey man, keep it up! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. I know how hard it must be. But the fact that you are staying proactive, taking walks, and keeping a healthy mind is awesome You deserve much better than that. You seem like a great guy who really did care for her. One day you will find someone that treats you the way you treat others. If your ex can't realize what an amazing guy you are then you don't need her. Be yourself, keep growing, and realize that you did nothing wrong. She took what she had for granted. Focus on yourself and happiness will come your way! Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 (edited) I'm really sorry. I was cheated on, lied to and left for someone else too. I know your pain but you sound like you're doing seemingly well given your situation. That's wonderful. I'm 15 months post BU and 10 months post giving him a second chance/trying to make it work. I still have my down days where I feel like a complete fool. Keep doing what makes you feel good and you'll eventually be moved on. Edited October 21, 2014 by me85 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 I still have a hard time understanding how she can not have me as part of her life. I know a lot of couples say they are close.. but we were like extremely close. I guess that is part of the reason she is gone too though. I was her only friend really ( i didnt stop her from making friends, after she left highs chool she just didnt keep in touch) and also I was the only guy she has ever been with. She never even held another guys hand before me. I can understand, she wants to be young and have a few people. I can get that, but to throw away a wonderful relationship because of infatuation is terrible. But, as time goes on she forgets about me more and more by the day. Falls more in love with him, and I have to accept this. The other night I just came home from an hour drive and we met at the same road before my house. Not only did I catch her driving by my house, but I was turning right, and she was turning left at the same stop sign. Thats a sign, not a sign that she misses me, its a sign that i'm supposed to be miserable. Because if this was the first time in 4 months she ever drove by and I just drove an hour and I met her at the stop sign , thats just too random. Had I gone 1 km an hour slower or faster she would have gone by or not been there yet and I would have been in my house. Its stupid, just plain stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Her driving by your house may be more of a sign that she's keeping tabs on you. Take a little comfort in that, even if you may be lying to yourself. Was there any reason for her to be on that road? Also, people around your ages are still developing mentally. Do you really think that her relationship with a guy who: - She cheated with - "Fell in love with" - Moved in with ... all within a month's time... do you really think it's going to last? I wouldn't even give it a year. Maybe take some solace in that as well. The only things you can do right now involve: - Not contacting her in any way - Working on yourself - Keeping your mind distracted That's all you can do. Her rebound isn't going to last. So, where do you want to be physically, mentally, and emotionally when her relationship comes crashing down and she gets back in touch with you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 23, 2014 Author Share Posted October 23, 2014 she had no reason to be near my house, she had to drive out of her way. I like what you said, but I cant get any false hope. Hope for what.. a liar and a cheater will come back? I have to get passed this point. I do hope we will speak again someday, I mean 5 years at no matter what age is long time for both of us to go cold turkey, especially when there werent any major differences or problems between us. Thanks for the reply! Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 And to reply to myself, I wish her the best but I do hope that someday she looks back and realizes that I did a lot for her. When her parents were too busy with her other siblings activites, who flew her to las vegas, who bought her a 1200 and a 500 dollar camera as gifts or got her a macbook pro. I took her on as many trips as I could afford ( I make decent money, so she wasnt neglected) On the few talks we did have post breakup, I brought this up. She said that "any boy would do all that because they have to as a boyfriend." Thats just it, she has no idea that a lot of guys cant or wouldnt do this for her. I'm all she knew though. Thats a big part of the reason she is gone. I think its almost a form of grass is greener. We were talking engagment, marriage and all that. Another guy started to talk nice to her and she was gone. Middle of may we bought furniture for our apartment , I noticed she was talking to him. I got a tad jealous and read their messages and he was flirting heavy, she wasnt taking the bait. Beginning of june she took the bait, end of june she was gone. She didnt know I read her messages, but I did and even up until the beginning of june, only 20 days pre breakup, she still talked like they hadnt done anything. Why am I dwelling on this? I dont know. I guess just because I am so confused still. But this is my issue, not hers. I'm the only one holding on to these dead memories, trying to figure out the future by looking at the past. Its terrible that I am not part of her life. It is terrible that a friendship that was so strong and so dear will never be again. Its terrible that i've been forgotten. Worst part is, I havnt forgotten yet. Like I said, I hear about breakups all the time. The guy is terrible, she talks to him, she gives him chances.A second chance and a lot of the time he blows it. I wasnt given a second chance. In the whole 5 years, there were no second chances. I gave it my all. Maybe near the end I wasnt giving it 100%. Do I think we needed to take a step back. Take a moment apart to appreciate one another, yes. I do. Did that mean either one of us should see other people. No. I think we both needed to see how much we did complete one anothers lives. I dont dare enter a new relationship, she took all the baggage, took the love ( or the tiny amount she had left) and just jumped into the relationship with him and acted like he was me 2.0. No self reflection on her part, nothing. Had I not met her at that intersection almost 2 weeks ago, I Think at this very moment I would be better. I tried/try not to, but seeing her drive by my place after no talking for almost 3 months just got to me, it bothered me. I was thinking that, she left my life. She decided that her world was better without me, her and him was all she needed. I was no part of this. So why the **** would you care to drive by. Stupid. You were the one who tried to move out while I was at work. Thankfully a friend drove by and told me that her and her new boyfriend were in my place moving her stuff out. She had moved in with him( i didnt know it) a few days prior to the final move out where she took all her stuff. When she was leaving the first time she told me that she would be back, we would work and talk this out. By that, I guess she meant wait until I was at work and I was supposed to come back to an empty house. What a heartless person. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Hope for what.. a liar and a cheater will come back? SoThatHappened wasn't talking about her regarding hope, he was talking about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Winnerwinnerchicken, the similarities between your secenario and mine are almost identical. Jesus man, you sound like me almost 12 months ago. I TOTALLY get how you are feeling... Seriously bud this is going to hurt for a long time BUT, you can survive it and you WILL make it through the other side I promise you. My ex Fiancée left me after 9 years together for someone else. Like you and your GF she'd only ever been with me. That's sacred right for guys like you and me right? Well not to them apparently... That's curiosity getting the better of them. The gifts you bought her, that is so me and my ex. Apple products, make up, motoring costs, I even financially helped her set up her own business. I supported her thorough uni for years and years as she went all the way to PhD level. Girls like this are selfish, they think any man in their life should be grateful of their presence. They are entitled to all of this treatment and you should think yourself lucky to be with them, that's their mindset. Selfish people like this are better off out of our lives. My ex and her new man started off on facebook, he started chasing her. She wasn't taking the bait for a couple of weeks and then BANG! "I love you but I'm not IN love with you". She lied for a while about him until it was obvious I knew where she was all day up until 2 and 3am for the next 8 weekends. But because she wasn't in love with me anymore she could do whatever she pleases apparently. Seriously Buddy, she's done you a favour. When she comes crying (which she most probably will) mine did. DO NOT give her an inch. She's made her bed please, please make her see that when the time comes. Concentrate on everything and anything to do with you and what you want in your life. You will get angry trust me, just try not to let it eat you up because that is letting them win. Live for yourself and be selfish for a while, use any anger and turn it into a positive motivation. Stay strong and accept what's done is done. You should find someone more worthy next time around. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 thanks, i appreciate what you said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 And yup, I got the I love you but am not in love with your speech. Shows how immature she is, to think its ok to leave while i'm at work, and then she wasnt going to tell me where she went, she expected not to talk to me again. This girl is so much like her mother, her mother isnt well liked. My ex told me that she thought I was going crazy because some days I was sad and some days I was angry when I talked to her. She had no idea though, all that love she had for me was put into infatuation/new love with him. I wasnt even that bad. I didnt message her much, i didnt drive by their place or anything. Thats just it, i was her only boyfriend, she has no idea how good she had it. I made mistakes, just upset I never got the chance to show or , or the second chance to show her how much more I could be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 I suppose another thing that kind of helps is just understanding that this is forever. Its hard to take but i just have to understand it. I still am in shock and awe that someone could so quickly ( honestly I knew this girl so well, she wasnt really suffering at all with me) decide that i'm not allowed to be part of her life and then just ditch me forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 (edited) Some things we never will understand, but we can acknowledge other people can. And yes it is forever. You can come at peace with it at some point. You will get there! Edited October 28, 2014 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 I do wish that her and I could talk again sometime in the future. Not even to reconcile , but she was just so....stupid... to throw away such a long great friendship. I dont like being treated like I am cancer, when I was nothing but amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I do wish that her and I could talk again sometime in the future. Not even to reconcile , but she was just so....stupid... to throw away such a long great friendship. I dont like being treated like I am cancer, when I was nothing but amazing. Some people do not recognize what they had until it is long gone. Take care, now it is about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winnerwinnerchicken Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 thanks. Appreciate all the words. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts