Reysa09 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 (edited) Help me understand my ex boyfriend? Me and my ex boyfriend have only been talking for 4 months. We were doing alot of arguing because of trust and insecurities but he wanted to take a break. I fell in love with him during these four months...he claims he wants his space and ive been trying to give him his space but i gave in and called him today. We havent talked for a week. I ask him if hes made up his mind if he wants to be with me and he says he doesnt know because he doesnt think that ill change my dramatic ways. He says im demanding and i make things only about me. Im trying to show him that i can change my ways but he says hes not ready to work on a relationship. Then he says he wants to be with me just not right now. What do i do ? Im so hurt. His exact words: I dont know. I do miss you but i dont feel things would change. Dont want to walk back in a relationship. Rather us just be real close and honest with eachother. Thats all. What am i suppose to think and how am i suppose to feel. Do you think he wants me back ??? Do i let go again with no contact ? Do i keep in contact ? Do i move on ? Signed, Very Confused Girl... Edited October 21, 2014 by Reysa09 Catch attention Link to post Share on other sites
avintagegirl Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I can't tell you how to think or feel. No, I don't think he wants you back, at least not now and not on the terms you were on before with him. I think you would benefit most from really listening to him. He says he wants space, give him space. Let him contact you. While you aren't talking to him, take some time for you. What does he mean by dramatic ways? Does he have a solid point in what he is saying? Talk to those around you who know you best and who love you. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Take this time to find out what you really want. When I say that I mean, when you ask yourself that don't let your automatic response be, I want him or I want things to be the way were were back then. Then is never now. Once you find out what you really want, maybe then there will have been enough time that the two of you can compare notes and see if you want the same thing. If not then you will have a solid idea of what you do want. Link to post Share on other sites
clementyne Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 TBH, it doesn't sound like he wants you back right now and the more you keep pressuring him the further away you'll keep pushing him. I think it's better to go immediate NC and take time to heal and work on yourself. Do things which you enjoy that are not related to him. Try to find happiness in other things. Figure out your issues and try to address them. Improve yourself and evolve your mind however you can. But do it for yourself and not just to get him back. If he notices or wonders about you, he'll get in touch. And if he doesn't, then you'll know you did right by going NC. Either way, it's not about him anymore, it's about you now. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Trust me on this...I know you are fragile and hurting but a break is a break up. He is trying to be civil and nice but he is done. Guys hate drama and constantly explaining themselves and soothing insecurity. Until you address these things every relationship will fail. Don't beat yourself up or center your whole existence on this guy. 4 months isn't long at all. You can heal if you can just stay positive and work on you. Nc is to heal but also nothing is less attractive to a guy than a girl writing all the time and asking what he wants etc. If you want him to respect you, respect yourself and do not write at all. You learned from this and will grow and be happy. Breakups are part of life and hurt but in the end when we can see our own contributions we can learn and be better for the next one. Right now just heal, try and smile and not obsess. Do your best to focus on work, friends, the gym and just know time heals and you are a greatbgirl and everything will be fine! He's only one guy of millions and you made normal "mistakes" and if it was too much for him to work on with you...eff him. The number one way to gain self esteem back is too not contact...it will keep your dignity and show him your ok on your own. Read the nc guide at the top of the breakup thread again I find it so inspiring and empowering! You are going to do GREAT! Hes gonna think wow...shes really not writing!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lyndaaxo Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 TBH, it doesn't sound like he wants you back right now and the more you keep pressuring him the further away you'll keep pushing him. I think it's better to go immediate NC and take time to heal and work on yourself. Do things which you enjoy that are not related to him. Try to find happiness in other things. Figure out your issues and try to address them. Improve yourself and evolve your mind however you can. But do it for yourself and not just to get him back. If he notices or wonders about you, he'll get in touch. And if he doesn't, then you'll know you did right by going NC. Either way, it's not about him anymore, it's about you now. Good luck. I totally agree, you need time to see if HE'S also right for YOU, rather than the other way around. It works both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
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