I am exhausted. I don't know what else to do

[maradona]

I do not know how to move on from this break up. I can't seem to let go. The last time we spoke was in July. I haven't heard a word from her yet for some stupid reason I keep hoping somehow we will get back together.

 

I tried going out more, new job, dating other girls... I even slept with someone last weekend everyone said this will make it better... I even called a counsellor spoke with one today for first time..

 

NOTHING WORKS. I still have huge panick attack anxiety or pacing whenever o hear anything about her or even her name. I dream about this every single day.

She could care less, she has been going out everyday.

 

I'm exhausted... This doesn't end... I don't go places she might be and can't handle going places we used to go.. I want to stop caring. I wish I could stop hoping... I don't know what else to do.. This nightmare doesn't finish. I don't understand how counselling can help I spoke to her first time today she said nothing different than what my friends family said...

[J2911]

I know it's rough.

The only answer is time .

It can take a very long time to get over someone .

You just have to know that in time you WILL move on and get through it .

[JDPT]

You will continue to hear the same advice because 2+2 will always and forever be for. Your pain leads you to hope and wish for a different outcome and different answers to soothe it. Give the counselor some time and allow yourself to truly hear her out coming from a professional standpoint. You are hoping too much too soon, I'm simply being realistic. The first few months will be nothing but raw pain internalize that fact and accept your reality. Additionally, stick to NC which I don't think it's something you have been doing. Follow all the advice given by those who care and your pain will eventually start to subside taking you to new phases in your emotional recovery.

[herself]

It will be ok.

Please know Ive been crying for the same reasons.

But the pain is part of greiving so you have to go through it and feel it.

Its so new. A few months is nothing.

What helps me is...true love doesn't die but the A relationship 95% of the time HAS to end and there's no good ending or easy way and often unlike regular breakups theres still love there but guilt, deception and risk of families and marriages being destroyed makes people HAVE to let AP go.

She might be reading advice on NC and reading alot of articles as I have on letting go and this is why she's not reaching out.

It nearly KILLS me each day to not reach out to my xap but I dont want to be a home wrecker or hurt his wife or kids and I know the sentimental contact rips the band aid off my healing so I am greiving and believe that soon the pain will soften.

I am making big change...I am moving out of state to leave the visible memories behind.

Thats extreme but if you can maybe get a new job, change homes, anything new at all gives you a different outlook.

EVERY little bit helps. Hang in there. NC and trust the process.

[maradona]

Thank you all for your replies. I understand that time is going to heal.. but it has already been nearly 4 months of no contact... my friends are saying "its not normal" that i still care so much and it still affects me so much that I should have already moved on by now.... We were together for 2n half years nearly engaged with plans to get married and all that...

 

I never broke nc, I never contacted her in that time.

I am just honestly fed up of feeling this way...I have tried the last 2 things I was told date other people and sleep with someone else and a counselor...

I just dont see how a counselor will help me.. how can they help? What will she tell me that I dont already know...? or that everyone has already told me

 

- that she was toxic? she was narcisistic? she's no good? I am lucky she's gone? She was selfish and fake?

that I need to "get my power back"? that there is someone so much better out there that I will be so happy when it happens? --- that sentence feels like disney fairy tale to me....

 

How can she (counselor) possibly help me? When I already know all those things? (except the last one.. I think for me to trust someone again it will be very difficult)...Has anyone spoken with one before and they helped? IF so how do they help?

 

I have half a mind to quit my job leave the country and just go travelling for like 6 months in Asia or something..

[xUnknown]

Thank you all for your replies. I understand that time is going to heal.. but it has already been nearly 4 months of no contact... my friends are saying "its not normal" that i still care so much and it still affects me so much that I should have already moved on by now.... We were together for 2n half years nearly engaged with plans to get married and all that...

 

I never broke nc, I never contacted her in that time.

I am just honestly fed up of feeling this way...I have tried the last 2 things I was told date other people and sleep with someone else and a counselor...

I just dont see how a counselor will help me.. how can they help? What will she tell me that I dont already know...? or that everyone has already told me

 

- that she was toxic? she was narcisistic? she's no good? I am lucky she's gone? She was selfish and fake?

that I need to "get my power back"? that there is someone so much better out there that I will be so happy when it happens? --- that sentence feels like disney fairy tale to me....

 

How can she (counselor) possibly help me? When I already know all those things? (except the last one.. I think for me to trust someone again it will be very difficult)...Has anyone spoken with one before and they helped? IF so how do they help?

 

I have half a mind to quit my job leave the country and just go travelling for like 6 months in Asia or something..

 

I've spoken to a therapist, and yes, it helps. For me, it helped me realize and actually accept many of the things that were wrong about her and how she wasn't right for me. Sure, anyone can tell you A B or C...but you have to accept it. That's what talking to a therapist has done for me.

 

I don't know why, but today has been especially hard on me too. I shouldn't have, but I read through some old text messages and looked at old pictures of us. It hurts, I know. But I also know it was for the best.

[CT98]

Thank you all for your replies. I understand that time is going to heal.. but it has already been nearly 4 months of no contact... my friends are saying "its not normal" that i still care so much and it still affects me so much that I should have already moved on by now.... We were together for 2n half years nearly engaged with plans to get married and all that...

 

I never broke nc, I never contacted her in that time.

I am just honestly fed up of feeling this way...I have tried the last 2 things I was told date other people and sleep with someone else and a counselor...

I just dont see how a counselor will help me.. how can they help? What will she tell me that I dont already know...? or that everyone has already told me

 

- that she was toxic? she was narcisistic? she's no good? I am lucky she's gone? She was selfish and fake?

that I need to "get my power back"? that there is someone so much better out there that I will be so happy when it happens? --- that sentence feels like disney fairy tale to me....

 

How can she (counselor) possibly help me? When I already know all those things? (except the last one.. I think for me to trust someone again it will be very difficult)...Has anyone spoken with one before and they helped? IF so how do they help?

 

I have half a mind to quit my job leave the country and just go travelling for like 6 months in Asia or something..

 

 

Don't let your friends dictate to you what's normal and what's not. You feel what you feel - simple as - and you shouldn't feel guilty for any of it.

 

I have friends much like yours; 'Just go out and shag other birds, she'll hate it' 'You've just got to get over it dude' are a couple of examples of the great wisdom I have been offered by mates of mine after break ups.

 

Thing is these people are the most shallow people I know and seem incapable of feeling real love. Some of us are just more sensitive than others, and I believe it to be a positive, because we can give all of ourselves in a fulfilling way to other people.

 

I do believe though that you have to have a bit of the 'f**k you' mentality, as in 'F**k you life/ex, you're not dragging me down, I'm better than this!'

 

Do you have anyone you can talk to and will actually listen and show empathy? If you don't I think it would do you good to speak with a councillor, as that is what they're trained to do and it would probably be beneficial to unload to someone every now and then.

 

As for the travelling round Asia bit; when my mate got dumped a couple of years ago he packed his bags and buggered off to Colombia for 3 months, had all sorts of adventures involving other travellers & Columbian police, came back healed and met his now girlfriend who he is still very happily with. So if you think it would do you good then do it. Now is the time to be very selfish and to do exactly what you want to do. With have intuition for a reason.

 

You will be OK!

[xUnknown]

I agree about the traveling. If I had the opportunity to, I would. But, don't do it to run from your problems. They'll still be there when you come back.

[SycamoreCircle]

I'm sorry you're feeling so agitated lately. I know what you're going through. Traveling DOES help, but it is also advised you don't do anything drastic like quit your job.

 

Look, you're asking for so much right now. Let go. OK? Let go of your attachments. They won't come. Start from the very bottom. Look at little things around you that make your life special. Appreciate those things. Try to be present in the moment. Try to find the little things in people near you that make them valuable. Appreciate that. This hurt will not last forever. It will numb. It will fade. You'll always remember it, but it will change you. It can change you for the better.

[Jet Lag]

that there is someone so much better out there that I will be so happy when it happens? --- that sentence feels like disney fairy tale to me....

 

Me too! How can that be true. I am 47 and never even remotely loved anyone like I loved this guy.

[maradona]

Thank you everyone for your responses!! I am not sure what happened this week but I had 3 epiphanies lol and they have brought me peace of mind for the last 5 days. I am not sure how long it will last but I will take it!

 

1. Everyone said she was fake B* and materialistic. I said no way your wrong. This week I was with 5 girl friends of mine and hearing them talk Just normal conversation not about how ppl are jealous, brand names, how they are beautiful just talk about normal things it finally clicked. I don't know how to explain it. It was like watching two screens. One from the past and them and I finally understood what people meant.

 

2. I stopped blaming myself. This took a lot of denial bashing but for some reason it finally came through. If she truly loved me she would not have left. There's nothing more I could have gave, nothing more I could have done.

 

3. I don't think it's her the reason iv been so down. I never had anything serious before. I always had things casual. I think it's out of fear that I won't find it. Because my confidence took a Giant hit. I know that there is so much better.

 

Thank you all for your feedback! I know it's a roller coaster, but why always write when the ride is at its lowest point. I am taking this one step at a time. It's hard though to know where to start. When everything happened I lost my job, dropped out of graduate studies had lost touch with a lot of people because I was with her like 24x7. It's hard to know where to start to get it your life back. Hell I forgot what I liked to do...I was shopping every weekend... at the end I thought I liked it.. Now I can't understand what the he'll I was thinking. I changed everything for this person.

 

I have come up with a small plan:

First get back to studying slowly for an exam I dropped out off. Pass that. Then go traveling. Then get my career back on track.