Jet Lag Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Does anyone find if they don't have time to think of their ex much during the day then he comes and haunts their dreams? I was out all day today and my thoughts of the ex were limited but I just woke to find I had dreamt I had broken no contact by Facebook messaging him, asking could we catch up. His reply message told me how the serious girl he had been seeing went through his messages when he had been out and he had to spend some time explaining to her why she should not feel threatened by me. So now I have woken feeling really upset because he has a "serious girl" and that he would choose to be with her even though she obviously has "expectations". One of the reasons he broke up with me. Also, he would choose to stay with someone and, in fact fight for a relationship, with a girl who would go through his messages. Feel sh** again....though admittedly not as bad as I thought I would....though, let's see if I manage to get back to sleep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Oh man, I totally had a dream like that a few days a go! Made me feel like crap for the whole day and made me feel like I was nothing but a piece of garbage. I've definitely noticed that I dream of my ex more when I don't think about him much during the day. It's really annoying because the dreams always end up being the really painful ones. It's funny, in the 6 years I was with my ex I can only remember dreaming about him 4 times. Now I dream about him daily. I wonder if our exes dream of us too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Oh man, I totally had a dream like that a few days a go! Made me feel like crap for the whole day and made me feel like I was nothing but a piece of garbage. I've definitely noticed that I dream of my ex more when I don't think about him much during the day. It's really annoying because the dreams always end up being the really painful ones. It's funny, in the 6 years I was with my ex I can only remember dreaming about him 4 times. Now I dream about him daily. I wonder if our exes dream of us too? The day I went no contact my ex told me he had a series of dreams where he had two more babies (obviously not with me)! That was what instigated my no contact. Last couple of times I've had anything to do with him he doesn't even seem to be thinking of me...too busy with his new life and meeting new people so, personally, with him, I doubt he is dreaming of me. Blah. I hope yours is dreaming of you! Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 The day I went no contact my ex told me he had a series of dreams where he had two more babies (obviously not with me)! That was what instigated my no contact. Last couple of times I've had anything to do with him he doesn't even seem to be thinking of me...too busy with his new life and meeting new people so, personally, with him, I doubt he is dreaming of me. Blah. I hope yours is dreaming of you! Oh that's brutal! How effing cruel of him to tell you that! What's wrong with this guy?? Yeah I think my ex is too busy to even think of me all that much, too. He's been sending me stupid funny pics and videos but that smacks more of breadcrumbs and boredom than any true feeling on his part. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't feel better if he hated me and sent me nasty texts. At least then I'd know he still felt something. How messed up is that? I hope he dreams of me too and I hope they make him miss me. I'm pretty positive that that's just a product of my wounded pride and ego then me actually wanting him back though. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I logged in today because I dreamed (had nightmares is a better explanation) about him a few times this week. It's been an awful week and as a result I feel terrible again. I woke up once at 3am and the other at 5am. WTH. I want this to stop! Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I wonder if our exes dream of us too? While googling ways to stop dreaming about him a few minutes ago, I imagined just that... :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 OP - I liked your post because this happens to me a lot actually. But they go away! Just give it a couple of weeks! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 You'll have better luck avoiding crap dreams if you just give a couple of minutes before you go to sleep and just think over the specific situation, without dwelling, and remind why things didn't work out and ask yourself if there's any way to fix it? Probably not. Then go to sleep. Your subconscious will have to deal with it if your conscious doesn't. But if it were superbad, you probably wouldn't even remember it, because your subconscious only lets through what you're ready to handle. So process the situation as well as the day before bed for better dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Oh that's brutal! How effing cruel of him to tell you that! What's wrong with this guy?. He has always spoken very openly with me. The last time we spoke in person he told me he was out to tea with a girl that showed a lot of empathy..then said in his next relationship his partner will have that quality...following up with telling me I have it (but the implication I will not be the partner). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 . Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't feel better if he hated me and sent me nasty texts. At least then I'd know he still felt something. How messed up is that?. I totally get that. I asked my ex to be mean to me. He wouldn't. Said it wouldn't be him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 OP - I liked your post because this happens to me a lot actually. But they go away! Just give it a couple of weeks! I so so hope you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 He has always spoken very openly with me. The last time we spoke in person he told me he was out to tea with a girl that showed a lot of empathy..then said in his next relationship his partner will have that quality...following up with telling me I have it (but the implication I will not be the partner). Maybe I'm just overly suspicious and paranoid in my old age but him telling you about how he was out with another girl for one, and then going on saying that his next partner will have the same quality you have for two, seems like sneaky mind games to me. Like him trying to show off how much he's moved on and how you're apparently not good enough. The more I hear about him the more I'm coming to really really dislike him I totally get that. I asked my ex to be mean to me. He wouldn't. Said it wouldn't be him. I wish my ex would've been mean to me too. Instead he was logical and distant. I think that's almost worse, to me. That's so messed up isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 Maybe I'm just overly suspicious and paranoid in my old age but him telling you about how he was out with another girl for one, and then going on saying that his next partner will have the same quality you have for two, seems like sneaky mind games to me. Like him trying to show off how much he's moved on and how you're apparently not good enough. The more I hear about him the more I'm coming to really really dislike him I wish my ex would've been mean to me too. Instead he was logical and distant. I think that's almost worse, to me. That's so messed up isn't it? I wish I could see him the way others do....Unfortunately I must be blinded. Logical and distant is yuk. I get that too. He explains that love hasn't gone but it is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I wish I could see him the way others do....Unfortunately I must be blinded. Logical and distant is yuk. I get that too. He explains that love hasn't gone but it is for the best. Nah I wouldn't call it so much blinded as seeing him through the lens of your feelings for him. We all see him and his actions objectively and from a distance while to you, him and his actions are coloured by your past experiences and the love you feel for him. I think we all do that. All my friends and family said there was something wrong with my ex and that he was a total bastard but I didn't see it at the time because I loved him and there's was a lot of good even with all the bad. I see differently now due to some time and space apart. Sometimes I still see him the way I did and I miss him so so SO much and wish he'd come back, but for the most part I see him for what he is and am glad he isn't. So he still loves you, you have a quality (empathy) he wants in a future partner, but it's for the best that you're not together? Did he give any other reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 So he still loves you, you have a quality (empathy) he wants in a future partner, but it's for the best that you're not together? Did he give any other reasons? Reasons for not being together: - he feels trapped; - he feels I have expectations (he struggled to explain this, he tried). It was all a bit confusing. One time before I ended it, I was at his place. He came home. I just knew something was strange. Guess I had felt it all day from his emails etc. When he came in, I asked him where he had been...I saw him hesitate and I said, "Please be honest." He said he had seen a girl that day. Then mentioned he had been out for tea with another. He said he needed to see other people for his self esteem. I had asked him if he could make his Facebook so I couldn't see when he was online because when he was offline for any length of time my mind would go crazy and I would picture him with someone else yet I couldn't work out how to change my Facebook settings so it wasn't in my face each time I logged on, even though I had chat turned off. He was annoyed with me and said, this is what I mean. He also told me since we broke up that he has never felt as comfortable with anyone as he did with me, just sitting on the couch (you know, the intimacy but not the physical intimacy, the closeness) and that sexually he was more open with me than he had been with anyone. Just so you don't judge him too much, you have to understand...I think I was in a relationship with him...but I don't think he had actually made the choice. The situation was complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jet Lag Posted October 18, 2014 Author Share Posted October 18, 2014 You'll have better luck avoiding crap dreams if you just give a couple of minutes before you go to sleep and just think over the specific situation, without dwelling, and remind why things didn't work out and ask yourself if there's any way to fix it? Probably not. Then go to sleep. Your subconscious will have to deal with it if your conscious doesn't. But if it were superbad, you probably wouldn't even remember it, because your subconscious only lets through what you're ready to handle. So process the situation as well as the day before bed for better dreams. Thanks, I will try this. My subconscious obviously doesn't know me so well. I am so not ready to handle him being in a serious relationship with anyone else! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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