Christophe Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I was just wondering what peoples' experiences were in relation to music and songs that are intertwined with memories of your ex(es). Are there some songs that are just too painful to listen to now after how strongly you felt about them in relation to your ex? Music is a huge part of my life and I have a few songs and albums I love but I feel like now I can't listen to them without it bringing up so many happy memories with my ex and now there is nothing left. They seem like a reminder of how great my life was and how not great it is now. I honestly don't know how I will be able to listen to some of these songs again which is annoying because I love the music. They remind me of the joy I had this year falling and being in love and now I don't have that it is very difficult to hear songs that meant so much to me and remind me of my ex. What are peoples advice and experience on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Brimstone Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Ex-gf loves a certain song. Luckily I hated it with a passion even before the relationship, so no big deal. Just listen to the songs with this in mind: THESE ARE MY SONGS! Shout it out if you have to. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Crowded House's always brought tears to my eyes. I know now that it is supposed to be a song of hope, but at the time, with its sad lilt when I was going through a horrible break-up (20+ years ago), my ears heard these lyrics: "Don't Dream - It IS Over" Link to post Share on other sites
AaronSG Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I'm in the same boat, it sucks, but yeah, there were certain songs that were intertwined in our relationship. The song by Rascal Flats - Bless The Broken Road, a couple songs by Nickleback - Got To Be Someone Out There and Lullaby, there's other's, they really hurt, the songs remind of better times, the songs bring me back to the beginning, when I landed in Columbus Ohio, when I walked up the gate ramp at the airport and gazed upon my love for the first time, which looking at her answered Nickleback's song...."got to be someone out there" I was looking at her. The song Bless the broken road described my long journey that landed me into my ex-fiance's arms. It's very painful and it hurts lot when I'm somewhere and some of these songs get played. I purposely have to filter the music I listen to at home. Sometimes all it takes is just a couple notes of a song and it really sets me back. Plus the fact that my ex-fiance always would sing along with the songs, her beautiful voice flooding the home, when I hear some of the songs today, I can still hear her angelic voice, it rips my heart out each and every time! Link to post Share on other sites
Kyle7 Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Yes loads, most songs actually and it's annoying. Haven't listened to the radio for weeks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Music ties into everything in my life. So much so that it doesn't matter any more or less from one thing to the next or from one person to another. If that makes any sense whatsoever. What I'm trying to say is...no. There are no perticular songs that are hard for me to listen to. Of course there are many that impact me and bring memories back and even make me cry but not painful enough to make it unbarable to listen to it. No. I love music far too much to ever let someone spoil the pleasure of listening to it. I'm going to listen to that song regardless. But of course, yes, absolutely - there are always songs that remind me of an ex or something painful to remember. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 There WERE two songs that I just couldn't listen to. I've knocked that down to 1 with some cover immersion therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Christophe Posted October 15, 2014 Author Share Posted October 15, 2014 What is cover immersion therapy? I would love to get to a point where I can listen to these songs and enjoy them again and perhaps for them to represent new hope for romance in the future. I have a whole album I can't listen to and it is perhaps the most beautiful album I have heard. Then there are other songs that appeared during our relationship and songs that remind me of first falling in love with her which make it very difficult for me because it just brings back that sweet girl who used to exist. I want to be able to say these are MY songs but somehow they will always be OUR songs. I hope I can change this thinking someday. Maybe cover immersion therapy could help? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelbettersoon Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Yes! Had to wipe music off my iPhone, haven't listened to music in 3 months, and if the radio is ever on anywhere I feel like every song is sad / about love. Music was huge to me and my ex, I hope to look for new songs soon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
polaske93 Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 My ex and I based a major part of our relationship on art and music. We both are huge music lovers, she's a singer, and I play guitar. She introduced me to so much beautiful music, and we shared alot of similar interests as well. She used to sing to me all of the time. One song in particular (Jill scott- a long walk) is a nightmare for me to listen too. Everything she sang it I could see in her eyes that she connected that song with me.. sometimes when I'm thinking of her I'll play it just to imagine her singing it. I never last more then a minute.. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Super cliche but Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's. My ex played it for me when we were together for the first time around and he held on to me and sang the entire song to me but more specifically the "it's what you do to me" line. Which he would quote every once in a while. I never really liked the song but I immediately link it to my ex. There are a few others but I like the artists so much that I've trained myself to not link them to him. So, pretty much the entire album of Merriweather Post Pavilion by Animal Collective. Actually, just typing that out made me feel uncomfortable. I also can't watch The Princess Bride because he would quote it all the time as well. "As you wish" Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Yes. Luckily, they are so far removed from my brain that I can't tell you what they even are, but I do notice when one comes on a radio or something, and I just get a bad vibe all over and have to change it. I couldn't listen to Hey Jude for a really long time Link to post Share on other sites
Waz Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Hell no, no one ever will make me not to listen to a song i like, f this ****. Even if it is deeply related to a memory, i listen to it and eventually i force my brain to detach the memory so only the joy of the listening remains. And it works. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Yes... quite a few... but there are like 5 that I can't even listen cause it's too much. The problem is I am a music geek. When we were together I created a playlist with all the songs that made sense and made me think of him and be happy sappy and romantic about the whole getting to know each other. Then a breakup list. But pretty much any song that talks about love or loneliness (or anything really) reminds me of him. And I love melancholic songs which are heavy on that. I also love listening to music to get over lost loce. So, yes, it's been quite terrible Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 Yeah there's a few songs I couldn't listen to because they brought back hugely vivid memories of the ex. Now I've been forcing myself to listen to them over and over again while doing things I enjoy. Partially because I think I have a thing for torturing myself, but in the practical sense it's helping me to associate these songs with things that make me happy instead of him- who makes me either want to Chuck Norris something in the face or curl into a ball of sad and cry. Sometimes both at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 18, 2014 Share Posted October 18, 2014 I am a huge music person and I had a real problem with this during a long depression that lasted about a decade. My whole life had a soundtrack behind it and I had trouble with everything except really old music until i snapped out of it. Not so much about one person, although that too at different times, just about losing my lifestyle that was all music all the time. Very painful. My memories are stored in music. Fortunately, I also kept a journal. Once I read it, all 900 pages, I was able to connect again for the most part, but I won't say I'm 100 percent back. There's times playing music is just too much emotion for me, so I do it in cycles now. I'm an all or nothing person. To be happy, I need to be totally immersed in music, not just dabbling in it, and that's not possible now. But I think I would have adjusted as I aged and just been okay with it but for the trauma of losing the career. I was getting tired of going out all the time and had just gotten a dog (my other love - animals) meaning I was about to shift to more home time or I'd not have gotten her. I had a favorite album and it was always very emotional to me, even before the depression, and on a number of levels, reminding me of a number of people and things. I gathered the courage to listen to it for the first time in years by taking myself out into an ideal setting to do it. I got a room at the lodge of a wildlife preservation park, drove my car into the middle of the stream that crossed the road, surrounded by white antelope, and put it on. Everything had to be just right. Again, I was astounded by its beauty. It's important to play them not when you're miserable but when you're making a good memory like that, because making new memories associated with the music is the only thing that will help, really. Link to post Share on other sites
Jingle14 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Adele, obviously, not just the content but her album came out the first time he dumped me, so it just takes me right back to then, a place I never want to be reminded of. Your Song, Elton John - the first time he ever saw me cry was in a pub in a gorgeous village (never going there again!) and this came on. I was so utterly, blissfully happy but overwhelmed with sadness that my happiness had come at the expense of my husband (who I'd left for 'him') and my own son. Painful memories. I suppose it's karma that my ex-husband is happy in a relationship (and I'm pleased for him that he is, genuinely) whereas I'm still broken over 3 years on and don't expect to love again. Link to post Share on other sites
richburn Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Loads of funk and soul music, I like most on here love music. I was always doing my ex cd's. When we split I had to literally give all the cd's in my car to a friend. To be honest I am struggling as I miss music but cant listen to anything that reminds me of her or even that we listened together. Even though it was me that sourced most of it. So a couple of questions. How do you reclaim what you have lost in terms of music? How can you find different gendres? I use spotify but only list to ambient stuff to help with the anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) Music often reminds me of emotional states. I do keep listening to those songs as it enables me to feel through it and eventually get to a better place. It prevens my mind supressing emotions that need to be worked on. Edit, I have to add that sometimes I do not listen to certain songs for a while. Edited October 19, 2014 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Yes loads, most songs actually and it's annoying. Haven't listened to the radio for weeks With you there, I cant listen any more to the song we had at our evening wedding when we had our dance, just too painful I don't think I will ever be able to hear it again Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 'Mandy'...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 There were plenty of songs that I used to cringe to at the first sound of them. I can now listen to them and appreciate them for what they are. The song Beautiful by Eminem used to kills me or Broken by Sether used bring so much pain simply because I had them linked to the BU. But no that the pain has subsided substantially I've been able to listen to them once again. I'll try to listen to them today and see what happens lol. Link to post Share on other sites
AaronSG Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Add a new one to the list for me! A very young child was walking around my apartment complex yesterday holding some sort of portable MP-3 player. This girl I guess went on a Disney bender for her downloads, the song by Phil Collins was playing, the theme song to the Disney movie Tarzan. You know......"two hearts, two worlds, one family" all that fricking stuff. I lost it, chills, nerves, tight chest, racing thoughts, heart pounding, clinched fists and of course the memory's that come along with this sort of crap. My ex-fiance was a total Disney lover, she often would load up Tarzan on Netflix on her old laptop computer, normally at bedtime, and would fall asleep to the movie. I didn't think that dear old Phil Collins could do this to me, but yesterday he gave me a swift kick in the crotch, I was like, please no....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Christophe Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 I have had a bit of a shift in thinking about my ex this week and I think I am going to listen to the album that is strongest for me. My hope is that it could be therapeutic. I don't want to never listen to it again because it takes me back to the happiest time of my life. I am going to try this experiment this week. I hope it does not backfire because I am having a positive few days at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
HereAndThenGone Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 There was a song my ex sent me right before he ended it (this was the ex prior to my last "breakup" if you want to call it that). It was Alex Clare "Too Close". It's basically about a guy breaking up with a girl. I even remember asking him wth he sent it to me because the content of the song implied breaking up. Little did I know, the following week he actually did break it off. The stupid song was on the radio seriously every 5 minutes on some station for a solid 4-6 months. It gave me this sinking feeling every time I heard it. Then one day, around the year mark it came on the radio and I was like, screw it, and I turned it up. For some reason something clicked and it didn't bother me anymore. I think it was me finally getting over him, and realizing it didn't matter anymore and it's just a stupid song. I actually kind of like the song now. Link to post Share on other sites
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