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Talked to the ex on the weekend


StrangerThanFiction

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StrangerThanFiction

As the title says, I talked to my ex on the weekend. We are officially on good terms and both agreed that the RS wasn't working and that the decision to break up was the best decision for both of us. My feelings for him have definitely faded somewhat and I can say I still love him but not in the same way or with the same intensity that I did. So that's good and I don't regret talking to him.

 

However, I find it hard to talk to him strictly as a friend instead of as a girlfriend. You talk with someone a certain way for 6 years it's hard to change that in a month. It hurt. I also know that hearing that he's seeing someone for certain would hurt a lot too, and that's why I think I should go back to strict NC. I don't think I can be friends with him until such a point as that knowledge doesn't bother me anymore. I still have feelings for him and from reading other people's experiences here I know that trying to be friends with an ex you still have some feelings for is just asking for hurt and it keeps you hanging on. I want to let him go completely, in the romantic sense.

 

My question is, how's the best way to do this? Should I tell him I still have feelings for him and that I think I need more time with no contact to work through them before we try to be just friends? Or should I say nothing of my feelings and tell him I just need some time to deal with some things? I'm leaning more towards the latter, personally, but I'd appreciate any insight or advice you guys can provide.

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ThorntonMelon

You tell him you're glad you ended things on good terms, and you'll reach out to him when you're ready to do so, and you'd appreciate it if he respected that.

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Cupid's Puppet

Don't bring up feelings at all. I hated that my ex did that. Broke up with me, yet still said he loved me. Like telling me he still loved me or felt some kind of way toward me added value to my life.

 

You basically want to tell him, "I still care about you but not enough to be with you. So I want to take time apart from you so I can get to the point where I don't care as much about you. And hopefully when I reach that point we can be friends. Because we all want friends who had to decrease their love toward us in order to be our friends." Yeah...don't do that.

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Simon Phoenix

I mean, stop trying to be his friend a month after the relationship ended. That's completely unrealistic and is an express highway to disaster. I would either a) just stop talking to him completely and not tell him a word (he's not owed an explanation) or b) tell him that you can't be friends right now and ask him to please respect that.

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StrangerThanFiction
I mean, stop trying to be his friend a month after the relationship ended. That's completely unrealistic and is an express highway to disaster. I would either a) just stop talking to him completely and not tell him a word (he's not owed an explanation) or b) tell him that you can't be friends right now and ask him to please respect that.

 

I agree. I don't know what the hell I was thinking...no, that's not true, I think it was me trying to hold on to something that's not there anymore.

 

Well, I asked if he could give me a call tonight after he got off work to chat. I was going to with b). However, it's looking like he's not going to call so I think it would be best for me to go with a). Back to day 1 of NC, it looks like. :(

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I would just stop talking to him, but, if you want to say something, I would keep it short and don't get into the reasons for wanting to stop communication. Just a simple text is perfectly fine, and don't answer if he writes back. Like Simon said, it's unrealistic to expect to be friends if the breakup was one month ago. Prepare yourself for the fact that you will probably never truly be friends. It's usually too awkward and painful.

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I agree. I don't know what the hell I was thinking...no, that's not true, I think it was me trying to hold on to something that's not there anymore.

 

I think we try to rationalize any way we can find to stay in the person's life. Even 2 months after my breakup, I remember acting as if nothing was wrong, telling people I was okay. I was still communicating with my ex and trying to be friends with him. I was in denial, and it hurt too much to process my emotions. I was avoiding the way I truly felt because it was so painful at the time.

 

Once I went NC, I was able to process my emotions and slowly move on from the entire thing. You were with him 6 years. You can't expect to get through this overnight.

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StrangerThanFiction
I would just stop talking to him, but, if you want to say something, I would keep it short and don't get into the reasons for wanting to stop communication. Just a simple text is perfectly fine, and don't answer if he writes back. Like Simon said, it's unrealistic to expect to be friends if the breakup was one month ago. Prepare yourself for the fact that you will probably never truly be friends. It's usually too awkward and painful.

 

I think it's best if I just go with complete radio silence. I was thinking about sending him a text but then thought how I'd feel if all I got was an "ok" or nothing at all. It'd just give that knife in the heart another twist.

 

I'm starting to think I didn't actually want to be friends with him, but was seeking the validation of him wanting me back. Well, he obviously doesn't and I'm pretty positive it's because there's another woman involved. That's fine and none of my business now, right? Time to refocus back on myself and start over.

 

I think we try to rationalize any way we can find to stay in the person's life. Even 2 months after my breakup, I remember acting as if nothing was wrong, telling people I was okay. I was still communicating with my ex and trying to be friends with him. I was in denial, and it hurt too much to process my emotions. I was avoiding the way I truly felt because it was so painful at the time.

 

Once I went NC, I was able to process my emotions and slowly move on from the entire thing. You were with him 6 years. You can't expect to get through this overnight.

 

I think we do too. I thought I'd be happy enough with just talking to him...but it wasn't. I wanted the intimacy of our RS back. No dice. Communicating with him just made the pain worse.

 

I just wish I was over him already. It seems like such a long road to get there though and I'm already beaten down by it. But you're right that NC is the way to go to process all of it. One foot in front of the other.

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You're doing the right thing by going NC. You and I seem very similiar. How about we both make a promise with each other to no longer contact our exes OR respond to them under any circumstances (other than they tell you they had a death in the family or something then we can say "sorry for your loss" & keep on trucking!) I'm over my ex but miss the friendship. We were best friends. That's harder to let go of ... but really, he not only sucked as a boyfriend but as a friend too so I shouldn't miss anything about him at all! No matter how drunk I get! No matter what reminds me of him! I never try to get him back. I don't want him back. My life has improved since his absence. I'm happier now that I'm single but until today I just couldn't imagine completely writing him off and not ever speaking to him again but it's like, "well Me, what do you really have to talk about with someone who's not even a part of your life anymore and doesn't wana be no matter what he tells you??"

 

Here's to you and I Stranger! We're going to fight the urge to communicate with our exes together! And we're gonna win.

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You're doing the right thing by going NC. You and I seem very similiar. How about we both make a promise with each other to no longer contact our exes OR respond to them under any circumstances

 

Can I join your club? I was so tempted to drop in on him today. I had some forced contact. The mother of his kids dropped one of his boys off here when I wasn't home...then rang me to say, she had done it...and his Dad would pick him up later so I had to have some contact.

 

Organised for him to come and get his son when I wasn't home. But just that contact has made me feel worse today than I have been.

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We were best friends. That's harder to let go of ...

 

 

This is going to be a big struggle with me too. Last time we were together he said to me, "You are my best friend!" then amended it to "one of my best friends".

 

But he was my best friend.

 

I am really sad to lose that...maybe that is just an excuse. I am sad to lose him.

Edited by Jet Lag
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This is going to be a big struggle with me too. Last time we were together he said to me, "You are my best friend!" then amended it to "one of my best friends".

 

But he was my best friend.

 

I am really sad to lose that...maybe that is just an excuse. I am sad to lose him.

 

How long were you together? And may I ask why the mother of his children would be dropping their son off to you?

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StrangerThanFiction
You're doing the right thing by going NC. You and I seem very similiar. How about we both make a promise with each other to no longer contact our exes OR respond to them under any circumstances (other than they tell you they had a death in the family or something then we can say "sorry for your loss" & keep on trucking!) I'm over my ex but miss the friendship. We were best friends. That's harder to let go of ... but really, he not only sucked as a boyfriend but as a friend too so I shouldn't miss anything about him at all! No matter how drunk I get! No matter what reminds me of him! I never try to get him back. I don't want him back. My life has improved since his absence. I'm happier now that I'm single but until today I just couldn't imagine completely writing him off and not ever speaking to him again but it's like, "well Me, what do you really have to talk about with someone who's not even a part of your life anymore and doesn't wana be no matter what he tells you??"

 

Here's to you and I Stranger! We're going to fight the urge to communicate with our exes together! And we're gonna win. ��

 

I think so to, Me. And that's a promise I aim to keep to the best of my abilities. A pact then, to NC! He actually did end up texting me late last night saying sorry and asking if I was still awake. I was but I didn't answer. I'm such a badass.

 

I miss the friendship with my ex too. But after this whole fiasco I'm wondering what friendship there really was. I think I miss having one person who really actually knew me. I tend to keep people at arm's length most of the time but I let him in and he really knew me. Either way, I try to look on the positive side whenever possible and what I got out of this was a reminder of why we broke up in the first place. I was never a priority to him when we were together and I'm still not. Nothing's changed and that actually makes me feel better. I'm not missing anything.

 

I honestly don't think I want my ex, either. I think the only reason I contacted him was so he wouldn't forget me. I wanted him to want me back. Damn pride. I totally understand when you say it's hard to imagine writing them off. I was having a rough time trying to imagine my life without him but after all this, in a weird way, it made it a little bit easier. As soon as I talked to him on the weekend all my anxiety came back, but once I decided to go NC all over again it was gone and I feel my happiness trickling back. There's a big sign right there lol.

 

If you get drunk and feel like contacting your ex, just PM me! And you're right, we WILL do this.

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How long were you together? And may I ask why the mother of his children would be dropping their son off to you?

 

In my mind we were together for nearly four years. I'm now thinking maybe in his mind we were a friends with benefits situation...but he would drop over just to hang out with me, often about four times per week.

 

I never loved anyone like him. This is hurting so much.

 

I just woke from a dream where his parents were announcing he was getting married.

 

AAAAAHHHHHH....so so sad.

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And may I ask why the mother of his children would be dropping their son off to you?

 

I am like a Mum to his children. My son is his son's best friend.

 

I was hoping that one day it would all be official.

 

I probably sound stupid that I was so committed when he obviously wasn't...but to me it was always only a matter of time.

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I think so to, Me. And that's a promise I aim to keep to the best of my abilities. A pact then, to NC! He actually did end up texting me late last night saying sorry and asking if I was still awake. I was but I didn't answer. I'm such a badass.

 

You go, girl! That's some serious strength and resolve right there!! :)

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I am like a Mum to his children. My son is his son's best friend.

 

I was hoping that one day it would all be official.

 

I probably sound stupid that I was so committed when he obviously wasn't...but to me it was always only a matter of time.

 

I'm really sorry Jet Lag. After 4 years you'd expect to mean something more to somebody. He just doesn't seem to be the guy you're supposed to end up with. I can't imagine how you feel being close to his son still. That's a tough spot.

 

You don't sound stupid at all. You sound like a normal caring person who is broken hearted.

 

How are you feeling today?

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I'm really sorry Jet Lag. After 4 years you'd expect to mean something more to somebody. He just doesn't seem to be the guy you're supposed to end up with. I can't imagine how you feel being close to his son still. That's a tough spot.

 

You don't sound stupid at all. You sound like a normal caring person who is broken hearted.

 

How are you feeling today?

 

I never knew one could feel this much sadness. I am definitely feeling better than I was a month or so ago but I still cry every day. I just don't understand why we are not together. I wonder if I am making wrong choices, wonder if instead of no contact I should be doing fun things with him.

 

I feel a little better when I am out doing things but even then at times I wish I was with him.

 

Who knew heartbreak was this bad?

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I never knew one could feel this much sadness. I am definitely feeling better than I was a month or so ago but I still cry every day. I just don't understand why we are not together. I wonder if I am making wrong choices, wonder if instead of no contact I should be doing fun things with him.

 

I feel a little better when I am out doing things but even then at times I wish I was with him.

 

Who knew heartbreak was this bad?

 

I'm really sorry you're so sad. I've been there many times. I've had my heart broken by 3 different guys. Twice by one of those guys! /=

 

PM me anytime you'd like. I gota shoulder & a ear for ya. (=

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StrangerThanFiction
You go, girl! That's some serious strength and resolve right there!! :)

 

Didn't feel like it at the time lol. I kept trying to rationalize how responding would be a good idea but in the end my self respect won out, thank god. :)

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StrangerThanFiction
In my mind we were together for nearly four years. I'm now thinking maybe in his mind we were a friends with benefits situation...but he would drop over just to hang out with me, often about four times per week.

 

I never loved anyone like him. This is hurting so much.

 

I just woke from a dream where his parents were announcing he was getting married.

 

AAAAAHHHHHH....so so sad.

 

Aw Jet, that makes my heart break for you :( Finding out that the relationship you thought you had wasn't the same one he seemed to be in is crushing... You deserve better!

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I'm really sorry you're so sad. I've been there many times. I've had my heart broken by 3 different guys. Twice by one of those guys! /=

 

PM me anytime you'd like. I gota shoulder & a ear for ya. (=

 

Oh...How could you have survived? I'm struggling to survive one. I am so tempted to go back and try to win him...but so so scared of going through the worst of this again. I feel he is worth it and would do it if I thought there was the slightest chance.

 

Would love to private message but don't seem to have capability. Most times I don't even have a like button.

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StrangerThanFiction
Oh...How could you have survived? I'm struggling to survive one. I am so tempted to go back and try to win him...but so so scared of going through the worst of this again. I feel he is worth it and would do it if I thought there was the slightest chance.

 

Would love to private message but don't seem to have capability. Most times I don't even have a like button.

 

You'll get PMing when you become an Established Member. I think that's when you have 50 or so posts. Please feel free to PM me too when you get it!

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You'll get PMing when you become an Established Member. I think that's when you have 50 or so posts. Please feel free to PM me too when you get it!

 

 

I will!

 

I need help seeing my ex like you see him!

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